Extra
by EmeraldsandAmethyst
Summary: Flark. There were two of them. Well, OK, this wasn't that bad, actually. There was probably a totally reasonable explanation that (hopefully) didn't involve clones, skrulls, or life model decoys.
1. Extra! Extra!

_**Rating:**_ Mature

 _ **Archive Warning:**_ Underage

 _ **Story Summary:**_

 _Flark._

 _There were two of them._

 _Well, OK, this wasn't that bad, actually. There was probably a totally reasonable explanation that (hopefully) didn't involve clones, skrulls, or life model decoys._

 ** _Story Tags:_ Relationships: ** Sam Alexander/Peter Parker, Sam Alexander/Petra Parker, Peter Parker/Sam Alexander/Petra Parker

 **Characters:** Peter Parker (Spider-Man), Sam Alexander (Nova), Petra Parker (Spider-Girl), Danny Rand (Iron Fist), Luke Cage (Power Man), Ava Ayala (White Tiger) Doctor Strange Sorcerer Supreme, Phil Coulson (Agent Coulson), Mary Jane Watson, Flash Thompson, Cameo by Agent Preston, Gwen Stacy, Harry Osborn, Aunt May, Cameo by Billy Kaplan, Other Character Tags to Be Added...

 **Additional Tags:** Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt, Pre-OT3 Shipping, I Don't Even Know, Sorry Not Sorry, I Blame Tumblr, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Slow Build, Symbolism, Swearing, Bad Puns, Innuendo, Bad Jokes, Slow Burn, Awkwardness, Teenagers, Lies, Masturbation[scenes edited to meet fanfiction's requirements. unedited scenes available on AO3/Archive of Our Own], Masturbation in Shower[scenes edited to meet fanfiction's requirements. unedited scenes available on AO3/Archive of Our Own], Footnotes, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Humor, Sexual Content[scenes edited to meet fanfiction's requirements. unedited scenes available on AO3/Archive of Our Own], Gratuitous Footnote Usage, High School, Carnival, Superheroes, Robotics, Plushies, Marvel Cameos, Kissing, Mind Control, Popular Culture References, Drama, Other Additional Tags to Be Added... (I'm Bad At Tagging)

* * *

 _ **Chapter Summary:** There was an extra one that morning._

 _ **Revisions:** Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

 _ **Chapter 1: Extra! Extra!**_

Sam woke up, instantly aware that something wasn't right. What that something was, though, was escaping him.

He'd shut the window himself, after coming in from a rough night backing up the Fantastic Four with their weird _axt shlag_. From his place on the floor he could tell that it was still shut.

No gunshots, explosions, laser fire, screaming, maniacal laughter or any other immediately obvious 'bad news' noises could be heard. Though to be fair Parker usually woke up, too, when he heard those sounds.

His helmet was sitting quietly in his backpack, no angry glowing or urgent beeping and no irritated-insistent urges to put it on, either. The house was, well, not quiet, not with five teenagers and Aunt May all living there, but there weren't any weirder than normal noises for this time of night.

He sat up to give the room a quick once over, door shut, nothing and no one hiding in the shadows between the door and Peter's bed, a head of messy brunette hair resting on Peter's pillow, another head of messy brunette hair resting on Peter's chest, Peter's alarm clock reminding him it was too _das't_ early o'clock [1]…Wait.

Problem found.

Instead of one slightly nerdy, inhumanly built, spider powered person in said person's bed, there were two.

But the not-Peter that was using the actual pillow had hair just a little bit too long, and lips just slightly too full. And, oh, yeah, actual Peter was cuddled face first in her boobs. He should probably try and wake Webs up first.

Though were they both Webs? Whatever. He reached for his smart phone.

Definitely, definitely he should try to wake Pete up before he woke up… Webigail? Ugh, she'd probably punch him if he called her that. With the ease of someone used to sneaking embarrassing pictures of rightly paranoid friends, Sam tilted his phone's camera so the flash wouldn't wake either of them.

Webby though... he could probably get away with that. At the flash two nearly, but not exactly, identical groans of what could generously be interpreted as his name sounded. 'Webby' pulled the pillow over her head and Peter snuggled in deeper to her chest. They both sighed in almost perfect unison.

Still asleep, they were lean, nerdy, messy haired, adorable perfection. Or well, they would be perfection if they weren't wearing identically stupid pajamas. Seriously. Who wears lame striped pajamas? Spider-Man does, and apparently Spider...Lady?

He emailed his new picture to himself, anyways.

They really needed to figure out what was going on though. Aunt May would be up soon. He was pretty sure she knew about their superheroing but SHIELD didn't think she did. So that meant sneaking around and making lame excuses.

While he **was** admittedly better at that bit than Peter. It would be **kind of** difficult to explain a new niece, especially one that wasn't going to be sticking around.

Locking his phone, he sat it back down on the nightstand and turned off the alarm. He so did **not** need two super powered spider people freaking out when they both flailed at the alarm clock and hit each other instead.

He leaned over the bed and started poking Peter in the ribs, "Hsst, Parker."

Peter scrunched his face up and tried to bury his head in 'Webby's' breasts. It was relatively successful, but probably would be bad for his health when she woke up. She grumbled something incoherent[2] that definitely did not sound like 'go away Buckethead' Sam told himself [3]. She tried to wiggle away from Peter's clinging without any luck. Spider strength and spider stickiness could be really annoying. Sam could empathize. From strictly platonic post nightmare cuddling, of course [4].

But, huh, he probably should have seen that she'd be a Parker, too. He renewed his rib poking and tried again "Pete, wake up," Peter protested wordlessly, "It's kinda important," Peter made a sound that reminded Sam of space whales. He had never gotten around to looking up their species properly [5], but, eh, unimportant now, "Peter. **Please—** " he whisper-shouted somewhat desperately. He just **knew** he'd be blamed somehow for the inappropriate boobening if she woke up first.

Peter snapped his head up and gazed at Sam with what felt like laser focus. Sam sunk back down into a crouch, blue eyes followed his movements, "Uh, Pete, don't freak out, OK? But, uh…" Sam waved his hands vaguely at the bed. "I think we have a problem…"

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

1This was a very specific time that exists exactly between 'really shouldn't have stayed out this late' and 'should have gotten up before Master Rocket'.

2 It was most definitely not anything even vaguely resembling 'Go away Buckethead.'

3 It was, infact, "Go away, Buckethead."

4 A completely normal activity for two teenagers to engage in. Happens all the time. Practically a Terran tradition.

5 This was mainly because it was extremely impolite to interrupt a pitched battle for life and death to ask your opponent(s) their species name.


	2. Read All About It!

_**2 Read All About It!**_

Peter blinked, redirecting his not at all scorching and most definitely not sexy gaze (6) to his bed. His bed that had someone with almost-but-not-quite his face in it.

With a strangled yelp Peter leapt up to the ceiling.

"Sam! What the schnitzel am I, I mean me, I mean SHE doing in my bed?!" Peter said as quietly as he could manage (7).

Sam raised his hands up in a gesture of disbelief and fell back into a vaguely sitting sort of sprawl, "How the hell should I know, Webhead?!"

Peter narrowed his eyes at Sam in suspicion. After a moment of contemplation he gestured with a toss of his head at Sam's backpack.

"Really?" Sam said with a look of disdain.

Peter glared and flashed his naked wrists (8), "Yes, really!"

Sam flopped his head back and groaned. Deepening his sprawl he reached over his head to pull his helmet out of his backpack without looking.

He sat it on his stomach and cocked an eyebrow.

"Buckethead!" Peter whisper-shouted, clearly annoyed. Sam stuck out his tongue but put it on anyways, "Seriously Sam, for all you know she could be evil!" Peter grumbled as the Nova force covered Sam and replaced his boxers and tank top with his uniform.

At the apparently familiar sounds and glow Not-Peter woke up and turned confused, sleepy, blue eyes Sam's way.

"Wha's up, Sammie?" she asked, reaching groggily at the nightstand. Finding Peter's invisible wrist communicator she sat up and pulled it on. Then stared in confusion as it slid past her wrist and up her forearm.

"Well, uh… Webs?" Sam began cautiously, hands raised in an instinctive attempt to calm her. She narrowed her eyes at him, and frowned.

"What did you do now, Sammie?" she said sternly.

Sam threw his hands up and growled, "What the shit, Parker, why is it always my fault?!"

Peter and his gender bent double gave Sam identical looks of amused disbelief.

Sam made indignant noises of frustration, then managed to spit out, "It is not always my fault, Webhead!"

Speaking in near perfect unison, the two Parkers said, "Of course it isn't, Buckethead."

The wide eyed gasp and strangled yelp Not-Peter made as she leapt to the wall closest to Sam was nearly identical to Peter's earlier leap to the ceiling.

Sam reached under his helmet to rub his temples.

Peter waved and smiled awkwardly from his perch on the ceiling, "Peter Parker, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, at your service."

"Petra Parker, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Girl," she said reflexively, with uncanny similarity.

Sam dropped his hand from his temples and groaned, "Could you two stop being so you for like five minutes?"

Petra snorted and shared a look with Peter, "Good to know Buckethead is the same in any universe, then," she said.

Peter frowned and shook his head in exaggerated sadness. He said with feigned woe, "I guess a Buckethead by any other name..."

"...Smells just as terrible," Petra finished with the same teasing tone.

Sam was unimpressed.

Sam could also feel a headache coming on.

"Har har har, Webs, Webby," Sam said as he floated over to the door and quietly opened it up, "If you two are done…?"

Peter gestured nervously at Petra and tried to mouth 'Evil!' at Sam. Nova tilted his head at Peter and crossed his arms in his 'I-think-this-is-really-stupid-but-I-am-humoring-you-strictly-because-Fury-made-you-leader' stance (9), then turned to face Petra.

"Petra, are you an eeeeeeeevil," he held his hand up to his face with pinkie raised, "Parker bent on world domination? Muahahaha?" he finished, holding his hands out and quietly laughing like a D-list supervillain. Peter made angry faces at Nova throughout. Then laughed nervously and leapt onto the wall between Petra and Nova as Sam finished up. Sam huffed and floated back into Petra's line of sight.

"Seriously," she said, rolling her eyes. Then shrugged uncomfortably, and added half joking,"You aren't some kind of evil, Singularity Nova bent on conquering Earth and destroying the universe or something, right?"

"Pfft, Sam, an Evil Nova? Please," Peter said dismissively.

"Eh, I dunno Webs, I think I'd make a decent supervillain (10)," Nova said faux-thoughtfully as he rubbed his hands together and sneered in his best Loki impression. Petra and Peter giggled.

"Whatevs," Sam said as he shrugged and floated out into the hall, Peter and Petra following on the ceiling.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

6 His sleepy gaze was actually super hot and hella sexy.

7 Which was surprisingly quiet, all things considered.

8 This was not a spider mating ritual, he was reminding Sam he was unarmed. And really, I think if you need to have what webshooters are explained to you then what even are you doing reading Spider-Man fanfiction? You need to pick up a comic book or watch a cartoon or something, jeeze.

9 Subtly but distinctly different from his 'I-think-this-is-really-stupid-but-I-am-humoring-you-because-you-are-hella-fine-like-dayum-ok-whatever-you-say-Webs' stance.

10 This is true. Sam would make an excellent villain.


	3. Spider Menace Multiplies!

_**Revisions:** Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _"Eh, I dunno Webs, I think I'd make a decent supervillain," Nova said faux-thoughtfully as he rubbed his hands together and sneered in his best Loki impression. Petra and Peter giggled._

 _"Whatevs," Sam said as he shrugged and floated out into the hall, Peter and Petra following on the ceiling._

* * *

 _Now.._

 _ **Chapter 3: Spider Menace Multiplies!**_

Sam knocked once on the guest bedroom door and whispered, "Tiger, meeting in the attic, now."

"Ugh, do you have any idea what time it is Sam? This had better be important!" Ava growled through the door. But Sam, Petra and Peter were already moving on. They avoided the creaky attic stairs with their powers.

Sam paused outside the attic door and called out quietly, "Iron Fist, Power Man, meeting. Now."

Moments later Danny, in his Iron Fist mask and briefs, opened the door. He tilted his head in curiousity at Petra and stepped aside. Petra blushed and looked away. Sam slipped through the door and floated up near the middle of the ceiling [11].

There was an awkward pause while Petra made an aborted attempt to let Peter enter first but bumped into him when he stayed put. She seemed to realize he was (politely) blocking her from any (completely hypothetical) escape attempt and shrugged in acceptance. She knew that she'd do the same thing if their positions had been reversed.

Leaping through the door, she flipped to land on the ceiling facing Nova. His glow flared briefly brighter before dimming back down, and then flared again as he flailed back from Peter also landing upside down on the ceiling. Practically on top of him [12].

"What the flark, Parker?!" He snapped, floating down next to Danny. Danny smiled beatifically at Sam. Sam glowered back. Petra and Peter shared identical glares.

Petra shifted her gaze around the room, assessing it for tactical advantage nearly instinctively. Luke, in yellow boxers and his Power Man sunglasses, sat half asleep on the edge of his mattress.

" _Namaste_ , Spider," Danny said to Petra, pressing his hands together in front of his chest, fist to palm, in greeting. Petra locked her gaze on his face and wiggled her fingers in a little wave.

" _Namaste_ , Iron Fist," she responded hesitantly. The title was technically genderless, but… Danny dipped his head in acknowledgement then looked to the open door.

White Tiger landed lightly, crouching just inside the door. Petra turned her head to face White Tiger as she smoothly stood up and tapped the attic door closed with her foot.

"I swear, Nova if this is another stupid..." Ava began to snap, then trailed off. Finally noticing the extra spider powered person hanging upside down from the ceiling. Crouched in the same pose as Peter. And who, apparently just like Peter hadn't bothered with buying new pajamas since getting their super powers. And, also amazingly similar to Peter again, kept popping buttons when they used their spider powers to climb around in them [13].

"You, uh, lost some buttons, Spidey…" Ava said, gesturing at her chest. Petra tilted her head and blinked.

"Yeah, I should probably get some new pee jays," she said as she shrugged, completely missing the point, "But hopefully that's a problem I can fix back home," then she flipped down to the center of the room, "Petra Parker, Spider-Girl," she said by way of introduction, "No I don't really know what's going on, sorry, I fell asleep in my bed and woke up here. I'd like to get back home before, well anyone, really, finds out I'm gone, but," she shrugged and sighed, "if anyone has any ideas…?"

The team all shared looks of deep thought, which was spoiled when Luke stretched and yawned wide.

Petra looked to White Tiger, "I don't suppose that you fought any kind of dimension warping villains, or maybe did something especially cosmic lately?"

"Not really," Ava said as she shook her head and shrugged. Sam frowned.

"Yeah, it's not like we've gone to the moon, or anything," Luke added. Sam coughed loudly and Luke added, "not all of us, together." Petra and Peter turned to Sam.

"I thought you said you were staying here on Earth? With us," Peter said accusingly while Petra settled for crossing her arms and glaring.

"Woah, chillax, I haven't done anything cosmic!" Sam said, holding his hands up in surrender and backing down and away from their combined glares, "All I know is when I woke up, instead of one Webhead there were two!" he added, then straightened up and dropped his hands, "What?"

Petra and Peter looked at each other and the team in confusion.

"Oh, huh, that's just… great, ugh," Sam muttered, then tilted his head, "OK, um, playback that thing again, but so they can see it, too."

His Nova helmet chimed and displayed a holo-image of mostly the inside of Sam's sports bag. Part of Peter's room was visible. Shortly, there was a bright flash of light and the sound of a magical incantation being spoken aloud.

"That is likely a sleep spell," Danny said, frowning, "I believe this explains why neither of our friends woke from this intrusion."

The recording continued on, catching a robed and hooded figure carrying a sleeping Petra. The figure placed her in Peter's bed. The intruder stepped back out of frame and said solemnly, "Rest while you can Spider-Girl, the totem hunters are on the prowl. For all of our sakes, I hope you find The Spark in this dimension. Goodbye and good luck, Honored Spiders."

With another flash of light the intruder left and the recording ended. A wave of unease ran through the team. Peter and Petra stared at the space the recording had been with nearly identical faces of deep thought.

"Man, this is some kind of magic, mystical junk, isn't it [14]?" Luke asked, sighing in annoyance. Ava shook her head slowly, more in contemplation than denial.

"It would certainly appear that the more spiritual arts are involved. Though as we all know well, appearances are not always what they seem," Danny said calmly.

Sam turned to Petra and asked, "Are you sure you really don't remember anything?"

Petra's expression was difficult to read behind her hair, but after a moment she shook her head. She looked up [15] and shared a look with Peter, then looked back to Sam, "The last thing I remember before waking up here, is falling into bed last night. I don't even remember dreaming..."

"I think we need to find out what, or who, these totem hunters are, and quickly," Ava said, "Whoever our mystery creeper is, it sounds like Spidey has drawn something big's attention."

"Must be that Parker luck," Peter and Petra said, unintentionally at the same time and with similar resigned expressions. Petra pulled Peter's communicator off of her wrist and tossed it to him. He caught it easily and slipped it on.

"I guess we're gonna need to call Fury, after all," she said.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

11 He likes being tall.

12 Not actually on top of Sam, just close enough to feel his body heat. Imagine feeling his body heat. The Nova Force made it impossible to actually feel temperature shifts. His HUD helpfully informed him it was 296.483K.

13 Her breasts could not be contained by paltry cotton.

14 Yes.

15 Technically she looked down and a little to the side.


	4. Daily Bugle Exclusive!

_**Revisions:** Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _"I guess we're gonna need to call Fury, after all," Petra said._

* * *

 _Now.._

 _ **Chapter 4: Daily Bugle Exclusive**_

"Fury, we might have the tiniest bit of a situation. Don't worry, nothing bad, yet, maybe—" Peter said into his communicator

"Spider-Man. Get on with it," Fury said sternly from the wrist comm.

"Well," Peter said, drawing the word out nervously. He turned his wrist to bring his extra multidimensional self into view. Petra wiggled her fingers in greeting.

"Hi Director Fury," she said. "Petra Parker, Spider-Girl. Some weirdo in a cloak magiced me unconscious and left me here. I was hoping we could get me back home in time for breakfast, maybe?"

A small sigh could be heard from the comm.

"Meet with Agent Coulson at Doctor Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum. Take the team. Fury out," Director Fury said shortly before cutting the call.

"Man, why does it have to be magic stuff? I hate magic stuff," Sam whined, then sighed, sinking closer to the floor. Luke nodded in sleepy agreement.

"Better bring a change of clothes for school. Knowing my luck…" Petra said, trailing off and sharing a rueful look with Peter.

"Yeah, well, hopefully we won't need it," Peter said with forced cheerfulness.

"It is better to have a thing and never need it, than to go without," Danny said.

Luke yawned.

"Ah, hey, time for our places everybody," Sam said, darting out the attic window, leaving it open behind him.

"Oh snap, that time already? Wait up, Buckethead!" Peter said, leaping out the window behind him.

"Uh, sorry to run. Nice to meet you Petra, see you soon," Ava said, quietly opening the attic door and stealthily parkouring down the stairs [16].

Petra crawled over to the corner least visible from the doorway, staying on the ceiling.

"I'll just hang out… over here then…" she said, keeping her gaze firmly on the wall, "Heh, **hang** [17]," she muttered to herself.

* * *

Petra met Spider-Man and his team on the roof, wearing a faded Rand Industries hoodie with the hood pulled down, yellow and black sweats, and socks with sunglasses on them. Sam tossed her a galaxy patterned backpack.

"Nice backpack, Nova dork," Petra said dryly as she caught it and slipped her arms through the straps.

"Sh-shut up, it was a gift!" Nova said floating up above the team.

"Ah, sorry about the no suit thing…" Spider-Man said, then handed Petra a mask, "I did have a spare mask, though."

"Cool, thanks," Petra said, pulling the mask on, "Alright, Iron Fist, lead the way!"

Spider-Man coughed loudly.

"Oh, whoops, sorry Spider-Man," she said, laughing and rubbing the back of her head. Spider-Man waved his hand in dismissal.

"It's cool. Ahem. Iron Fist! To the Sanctum Sanctorum of Earth's Sorcerer Supreme!" Spider-Man said, pointing in entirely the wrong direction. Iron Fist sighed and began leaping lightly across the rooftops towards Greenwich Village. The team plus one close behind him.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

16 Which was totally necessary to avoid the creaky, squeaky steps. Also it was fun.

17 Spider puns.


	5. New Spider Vigilante Spotted!

_**Revisions:** Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _Iron Fist sighed and began leaping lightly across the rooftops towards Greenwich Village. The team plus one close behind him._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 5: New Spider Vigilante Spotted!**_

"Daniel, it is good to see you again," Doctor Strange said as the team stepped inside the Sorcerer Supreme's Sanctum Sanctorum.

"And you as well, Sorcerer Supreme," Iron Fist said, "Though we are here on matters most strange."

"Hi Doctor!" Spider-Man and Spider-Girl said together, both waving cheerfully, "Good to see you again—" they continued.

"For the first time," Spider-Girl corrected herself, rubbing the back of her head and laughing. "Anyways, as you can see, one of these things is not like the other, and we were kind of hoping you could help me get back to where I belong."

"Indeed," said the Sorcerer Supreme, looking over the assembled teens. With a gesture to follow, he turned and began walking down one of the hallways branching from the entry way.

As they passed a flat crystal White Tiger turned her head and paused in front of it.

"Are you guys hearing this, too?" Ava asked the team, shifting from foot to foot as she pointed at an unusual smoky crystal. It was flat, with metal patterns etched into its surface. It gave the distinct impression of watching the passing heroes intently.

"Oh, hey I remember this jerk. Lucky that Master Rocket had this spare chip lying around or Star-Lord would have gotten another 'battle' scar," Sam said, laughing lightly. At the sound of his voice, the smoke formed a hazy, alien outline. The quiet, barely perceptible susurrations increased to angry, inhuman shrieking. Nova darted behind Iron Fist. Spider-Man and Spider-Girl spun around just before the shriek, and leapt into action.

Or rather, attempted to leap into action. Spider-Man jumped towards the wall while Spider-Girl leapt up towards the ceiling. While their Spider Senses seemed to help them not crash into each other, it didn't trip fast enough for Spider-Girl to fully dodge Nova.

With a startled yelp they collided. Sam's Nova Force flared brightly, momentarily surrounding himself and Petra. Before cutting out as Petra instinctively knocked off his helmet with an arm block and unintentionally shoved him face first into her chest.

" _Flark_ ," Sam said, muffled, as they started falling. He pushed off of Petra, face flushed dark red, and scrambled after his helmet, muttering frantically under his breath, " _Flark_. _Flark_ , _flark_ , _flark_ , _flark_ , ha! Gotch-"

With a grunt and a 'whump' Nova landed on the plush rug running the length of the hallway floor. Spider-Girl landed lightly in a crouch beside him.

"Nova!" Peter and Petra snapped, in near identical tones of frustration. Strange gestured arcanely and the entrapped alien was stilled and silenced. Sam stood up, spitting carpet fluff.

"Dude, you need to vacuum, ugh," Sam said as he quickly pulled on his helmet and hovered off of the ground. Doctor Strange gave Nova his mildest unamused gaze. It was still rather intimidating.

"It is indeed most fortunate that cosmic memory cards utilize crystal of the exact resonance needed to trap restless spirits. However, if you could please refrain from agitating any other delicate items while you are in my sanctum I would be much obliged," Doctor Strange said with studious calm.

"Yeah, Buckethead, stop breaking things," Spider-Girl snapped as she stood.

"Stay out of trouble, for once, Nova!" Spider-Man added, glaring.

" **She** crashed into **me**!" Nova said, shoulders hunched and arms crossed. Power Man shared a look with White Tiger.

"There is no shame in accepting your errors," Iron Fist said mildly.

"Young Daniel speaks wisely," Strange began as he resumed walking down the hallway. Spider-Man, Spider-Girl, Nova and Iron Fist following closely. White Tiger and Power Man followed a few steps behind.

As they entered the study Doctor Strange frowned at Nova's unexpected presence, but said nothing. Nova cast a faint blue glow over the dimly lit study as he floated beside Iron Fist. The two spiders bringing up the rear. Power Man and White Tiger were not with them.

"I believe everyone present has met S.H.I.E.L.D.'s resident specialist for all things mysterious, mystical and strange," Agent Coulson said from where he was standing near the fireplace. If he was also concerned by Nova's presence he gave no sign of it. Doctor Strange moved over to a high backed chair and gestured for his guests to sit as well. Coulson took the chair across from him while Iron Fist and the two Spiders sat in the divan. Nova floated up above his teammates, reclining against the air.

"Wait," Spider-Man said.

"What?" Spider-Girl asked.

"Nova, when did **you** meet Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme?" Spider-Man asked, clearly surprised. Spider-Girl nodded in equally surprised agreement.

"What do you mean, when did we meet? When the Guardians and I gave him that freaky alien that Master Rocket trapped in the chip!" Nova said, crossing his arms and facing away from the two Spiders, "This literally just happened, Webs!"

"Your ears might hear, but one listens with one's mind," Iron Fist said, shaking his head slowly.

Spider-Man and Spider-Girl shared a look together, looked to Iron First, and then shrugged.

"I wonder if **my** Nova already met our Doctor Strange, too [18]?" Spider-Girl mused aloud, her hand to her chin in a classing 'thinking' gesture.

"Huh, yeah, I wonder how closely our universes parallel. Is your Nova also a girl? Is Iron Fist?" Spider-Man said as he unconsciously mimicked Spider-Girl's thoughtful chin stroking, "If everyone is gender flipped then how did that affect history? Would we have fewer wars, or more? Oh, oh! Do you still have those little corny dog bites [19]? I love those!"

"Spider-Man, focus," Agent Coulson said. Spider-Man laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

"Oops, sorry, yes, focusing. Now. Focus, I'm focused [20]," Spider-Man said.

"Director Fury briefed us both on the situation," Coulson continued, "but we need to hear it again, from Spider-Girl this time."

"If you would kindly step into this divining circle, I can observe the events that may provide us with much needed information," Doctor Strange said. He gestured to a finely chalked divination circle on the hardwood floor.

"Oh, I have a thing that can help," Nova spoke up, floating down to the center of the group. He stuck the tip of his tongue out in concentration and the same recording he had shown his team began to play.

Doctor Strange and Agent Coulson watched the recording intently. As it finished, the Sorcerer Supreme leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. Coulson looked to Nova.

"Nova, can you play that back in other spectrums? X-ray, T-ray, infrared," Coulson said. Nova dropped to the floor and gazed down. After a few moments he looked up at Agent Coulson.

"It was in passive mode, so uh, it does have IR? But just the one we saw already and IR," Nova said, then tilted his head and frowned, playing back the full color and infrared feeds side by side.

Sam and Peter's sleeping forms were bright white-grey glows in infrared, with the rest of the room darker grey to black, criss crossed with the lighter lines of the house's electrical wiring. When the figure appeared with Petra, the magic of their entry left patterns in the infrared [21].

"Pause this here," the Sorcerer Supreme commanded. Nova focused, grimacing at the effort of giving the commands purely telepathically. The playback paused and Strange moved to pace and study the frozen patterns in the air [22].

"Hmm, yes, I see," he said thoughtfully to himself, "Nova, continue the recording."

Sam focused and again the recordings played, this time Strange allowed them to finish uninterrupted. As they ended Spider-Girl leaned forward in her seat, looking to the Sorcerer Supreme.

"Spider-Girl, if you would kindly step into the divination circle now. There is something I would like to see for myself," Doctor Strange said. Spider-Girl did a completely necessary flip from the divan to land in a crouch in the center of the circle.

"Like this?" she asked.

"Stand still," Strange said, standing to work a spell. Petra remained crouching, expression unreadable behind the borrowed mask as octarine light flared out from the chalked circle. The light coalesced above Spider-Girl's head forming a tenuous web of light linking tiny, glowing points together. Some points blazed brightly, while others were barely visible. The web changed even as they watched, some dots becoming blindingly bright before returning to normal. Others

dimming and withering away, unraveling the web as they were lost.

The Sorcerer Supreme finished his casting and began studying the results. Levitating to view the Web fully.

"Well," he said slowly, cloak billowing out behind him as he floated back down.

"Well. What? So there's some kind of web, she is Spider-Girl,"

"This is far more than merely 'some kind of web'. This web is the form of our local dimensional cluster, what you are seeing now is the entirety of what is, was, or could ever be.

"There are even those that call what we are seeing now the Web of Life. It would appear that even as we watch something is killing the worlds linked together in the Web. There is an expert on this matter that I must consult with, but I fear, my dear Spider-Girl, that you will be here until either these killers are dealt with or this 'spark' is found and you defeat them. "

"Or we don't find The Spark in time and we have to try to stop these big bads on our own and are all taken out one by one until Spider-Girl is the last one left, only to realize the power was inside her all along," Sam said lazily.

"N-nova, shut it!" Spider-Girl yelled. Standing up and accidentally breaking the spell. The delicate patterns floating above her head shattered into countless strands of fading octarine light.

"Nova! Why the flip would you even say that?" Spider-Man snapped as he, too, stood up.

"What? We were all thinking it, " Nova said, raising his hands up defensively.

"Knowing when not to speak, is also a virtue," Iron Fist said in rebuke.

"Whatever," Nova said, crossing his arms and floating up towards the ceiling, "Hey, where's White Tiger and Power Man? Weren't they right behind us?"

"The inner sanctum of my Sanctum Sanctorum is warded such that only those with both need and investment can enter," Doctor Strange said, "While the spell to return you to your dimension is known to me, I fear returning you now will weaken the fabric of all of our realities if this prophecy is left unfulfilled. The risk to the multiverse is too great.

"I can sense a powerful ward upon you, crafted by some other dimension's Sorcerer Supreme in conjunction with the Mistress of the Webs. As long as this ward is in place, those that hunt the spiders cannot find you here."

Doctor Strange laid a comforting hand upon her shoulder.

"The time you spend here may be long indeed, but take comfort in knowing that your team is safe entirely from those that seek your end."

Spider-Girl remained silent. Doctor Strange sighed and stepped away.

"There are other matters that I must tend to now. Good luck, Spider-Girl," the Sorcerer Supreme said as he left this plane of existence with a pop.

White Tiger and Power Man entered the room, in the midst of a heated debate. Agent Coulson looked to his watch and caught the attention of his charges with a short, sharp whistle.

"Spider-Girl, you're Midtown High's newest transfer student. We'll have your full cover story ready before lunch. For now, you're Peter's cousin. First bell is in twenty minutes, don't be late," he said as he walked out of the room. Iron Fist stood and moved to join White Tiger and Power Man.

"What?" Power Man said, looking between his team members and the departing Agent Coulson.

"Aw, man," Nova whined as he floated back down, closer to his teammates.

"Time waits for no one," Iron Fist said as he left through one of the doors, making sure the team followed.

"Yeah, yeah," Spider-Girl sighed, shifting her borrowed backpack on her shoulders and trailing Spider-Man's team out the door. Bracing herself for a full day of classes with the faces of (not) friends that were wearing (too) familiar faces.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

18 She hadn't.

19 Corny dog bites exist throughout the multiverse.

20 He was actually imagining a horrific universe where corny dog bites had been replaced with tiny spicy tacos.

21 Since all magic emits some form of octarine light it should logically show up in ultraviolet, or possibly even ultra ultraviolet. Magic, however, cares nothing for your logic or probability and will show up in whatever spectrum it pleases, so go mind your own business.

22 The final forms of Amempsin's Greater Cross Dimensional Translation Matrix from the Lost Tablets of Davke and the total runes of Uk-um's Dreamless Sleep from the Par-im Zu.


	6. Who is Spider-Girl?

_**Revisions:** Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _Spider-Girl sighed, shifting her borrowed backpack on her shoulders and trailing Spider-Man's team out the door. Bracing herself for a full day of classes with the faces of (not) friends that were wearing (too) familiar faces._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 6: Who is Spider-Girl?**_

"Ugh, you are never picking out my clothes ever again, Sam," Petra said lowly as she tugged at the too small, borrowed skirt.

"I said I was sorry, Webby, get off my back!" Sam said, huffing in annoyance as they walked to their next class. Petra scrunched her nose up at the nickname, but otherwise didn't comment. Sam continued, "Pete has like, no hips, the only other things besides Ava's skirt was Pete's sweats[23]."

"Hey!" Peter said, looking at Sam dubiously, as if trying to parse an insult from Sam's comment. After a moment, he grudgingly conceded that having no hips was not actually an insult, in this particular instance.

"I think sweats would be **preferable** , at this point," Petra said, stopping in front of Peter's locker and opening it, "Flash keeps **looking** at me and **sighing**." Peter coughed and poked Petra in the side.

"Yeah, that's definitely creeptastic, but this is my locker," Peter said, reaching past Petra to switch out his text books.

"Oh, sorry Pete, habit," she said, stepping aside, "It's bad enough that he's a he in this dimension, but, ugh, his puppy eyes," Petra and Peter both shuddered theatrically. Petra opened her own locker and switched out her books [24].

"If he wasn't so annoying, it'd be pretty funny," Sam said, smirking. "I mean, I haven't seen Flash crush this hard, in, like, ever." Sam clasped his hands under his chin and made obnoxious doe eyes at Petra, cooing in his best Flash impression, "Oh man, she looked over here! Is she looking at me? Dude, she's looking at me! What do I do? Should I write a note? Alexander, what should I put on it?"

Peter and Petra made identical gagging faces at Sam's teasing. Then Petra frowned and bumped shoulders with Sam, closing her locker the same time as Peter.

"Is that why Flash passed me a note with _hay fuego en mi pantalones_ [25] written on it?"

Sam snickered, and after a moment to translate in his head Peter joined him.

"Good one," Peter said through his very manly laughter that was definitely not giggling [26].

"Yeah, I know. I'm awesome," Sam said smugly. Petra rolled her eyes as they started walked to their next classes.

"It's good to see you again, Petra!" Mary Jane said, walking up to the three of them on the way to her own class.

"Uh, yeah, MJ, nice meeting you. This morning. For the first time," Petra said, tugging at her hair and making eye contact with Mary Jane very briefly.

"Sorry to cut and run but I need Sam's help with an art project. We'll save you a seat at lunch!" she said quickly, pushing between Peter and Sam. Sam raised an eyebrow at Mary Jane's declaration, but before he get a word in edgewise she had grabbed his arm and continued on her way. Sam was forced to walk backwards for a few moments in order to keep up. He raised his hand and waved farewell to the two Parkers.

They waved back, calling out simultaneously, "Later MJ, later Bucket Head!"

Sam turned around and fell in beside Mary Jane.

"An art project?" he asked dryly. She snorted, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

"The best lies are half truths. And anyways, Sam, it isn't like Peter has any room to criticize **me** on making up excuses," Mary Jane replied, keeping her smile bright.

"His excuses **are** really lame," Sam conceded.

"Don't think I didn't notice you making up his excuses for him, now," Mary Jane said seriously, eyes momentarily cutting in their intensity.

"What? Psshh. No way," Sam said, twisting the cuff of his longsleeved undershirt with his fingers. "You are like, a legit journalist. I mean how could I possibly think that I could slip something by the only person to ever get an interview with Spider-Man?"

Mary Jane cocked an eyebrow and relaxed, opening the door to their shared class and letting Sam enter first.

"An interesting choice of deflection Mr. Alexander. Would you care to comment on how Spider-Man and this new vigilante are linked?" Mary Jane said, smiling brightly, teeth bared.

"Hah, what? What would I know about Spider-Girl? I mean, what connection? They're just two crazy idiots that run around in masks, stopping bad guys, right? MJ?" Sam said as he slid his athletic bag under his chair with a small, metallic 'clunk' and took his seat, eyes darting around the classroom. Mary Jane eyed him and his athletic bag thoughtfully.

"Sure thing, 'Sam'," she said, making the air quotes around his name with only her voice. Sam sunk lower in his seat.

"How do you **do** that?" he muttered, obviously not sulking [27].

"It's **my** super power," she said smugly.

The bell rang, and their teacher looked into the hallway and shook her head.

"You really can't afford to miss another class, Mr. Thompson. Do try to be on time next period, or you will get written up," their teacher said sternly.

"Uh, yes ma'am, sorry ma'am. I'll be on time for sure next class!" Flash said as he hurried in, spotting the free seat next to Sam.

"Oh great," Sam muttered under his breath, just loud enough to be heard by Mary Jane. Flash took the open seat and feigned attentiveness until their teacher turned to the white board and began writing.

"Ok class, get out your books and turn to page one seven three, today we will be reviewing…"

"Hey, Alexander, did you know that Petra is cousins with that nerdlinger **Parker**?" Flash whispered eagerly, as if this was truly scandalous gossip of the juiciest sort. Sam and Mary Jane shared a look, Sam shrugged his shoulders.

"Uh, yeah, I have eyes, Flash," Sam whispered back, shoulders hunched over his book, trying to follow along with the teacher's instructions.

"Pfft, yeah right, like they look anything alike," Flash said dismissively. Sam and Mary Jane both turned to stare at Flash in disbelief. "Peter is such a scrawny nerd, but Petra…"

Flash sighed, gazing off into the distance.

Sam turned to Mary Jane and gestured to Flash. Mary Jane rolled her eyes but kept her gaze focused on her book.

"Did you see her body? She is so ripped, I bet she's gonna join the volleyball team. Oh, or maybe she runs track?" Flash whispered in eager speculation [28]. Sam glowered at him.

"Stop being a creeper, Flash," he said as he turned back to his book, turning the page to catch up.

"Dude, what? It's not like I was talking about her tits or ass" Flash whispered, confused. Then leering, "though her tits are great, huge and bouncy! And, oh, man, her ass is just the best! She looks so **tight** and **juicy**."

"I said stop being a creeper, _pendejo_ [29]!" Sam yelled, lunging across the aisle. Momentarily forgetting his relative lack of strength, he grabbed one handed at Flash's shirt and knocked over both of their chairs in the process. He followed through with a punch to the gut, hitting Flash as hard as he could.

"Oof!" Flash grunted as Sam's fist connected with a solid 'whump', hard enough to knock his breath from him.

"Sam!" Mary Jane said in shock. The rest of the class turning around in their seats to stare.

"Mr. Alexander, Mr. Thompson, stop this at once!" their teacher cried out, leaving the podium at the front of the class and striding towards where the two boys were already separating. Flash curled up, gasping on the floor. Sam stepping back, staring at Flash in surprise.

"Mr. Alexander, you will go straight to Principal Coulson's office **immediately** and without fail. That's an order!" their teacher said with authority. Sam dropped his hands to his sides and nodded duly.

"Understood Mrs. Preston," Sam said, face bleak.

"Mr. Thompson, try to relax..." Mrs. Preston began as Sam turned and headed towards Acting Principal-slash-Agent Coulson's office.

Flash's pained gasps and their teacher's surprisingly gentle voice fading as he closed the classroom door behind him.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

23 Even though this was true, Sam also regretted picking out the skirt. Petra's legs were extremely distracting. Besides being toned, muscled, and going on for days, they lead to either her shapely ankles or totally bangin' ass.

24 They came with the locker. Both recently acquired courtesy of S.H.I.E.L.D.

25 There is a fire in my pants.

26 He was totally giggling.

27 He was obviously sulking.

28 In addition to being the star running back, Flash was also an excellent track athlete.

29 Asshole. Extremely offensive, more so than calling someone asshole in English.


	7. Spider Menace Squared

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _Flash's pained gasps and Mrs.-slash-Agent Preston's surprisingly gentle voice fading as he closed the classroom door behind him._

* * *

 _Now..._

 ** _Chapter 7: Spider Menace Squared_**

"I didn't hit him that hard [30]… he's just being a drama queen [31]," Sam said to himself as he walked to Acting Principal-slash-Special Agent Coulson's office. Frowning thoughtfully, he flexed his fingers and stared at his hand.

The door to the principal's office was already open. Sam gave a little jump when Agent Coulson called out for him to enter as he walked up. He did so, pulling the door closed behind him. Both Peter and Petra were waiting with Agent Coulson. Neither of them looked particularly happy. Coulson looked even more nondescript than usual. Sam swallowed.

"Mr. Alexander, Agent Preston has informed me of what happened in her class," Agent Coulson began without preamble, not waiting for Sam to take the chair.

"Flash started it," Sam said, balling up his hands at his sides as he stood next the empty chair between his team leaders. Agent Coulson stared at Sam, unmoved. Peter and Petra levered identical gazes of disappointment his way. Sam's shoulders drooped and he dropped his gaze to Coulson's desk.

"I had hoped with a clean record, and a better school, that these sorts of incidents were behind you. This will count towards your classroom removal limit, and if it happens again you will be suspended from the team for two weeks. No exceptions."

"What?! How is that fair? That's not fair!" Sam yelled, snapping his head back up and looking between Coulson and Peter and Petra with wide, hazel eyes.

"Life isn't fair, Mr. Alexander," Agent Coulson said cooly. Sam bared his teeth, then flung himself down in the chair.

"Yes, sir," Sam said, glaring down at the ground.

"You have double training sessions, due before curfew today. I'll leave the content up to Spider-Man and Spider-Girl," Coulson added, standing up, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an important meeting over lunch that I must attend to."

Agent Coulson left the three teens in his office, clearly confident that matters were, or were about to be, resolved.

Peter and Petra sighed and shook their heads.

"Sam," they both began, then Petra gestured for Peter to continue.

"Sam, look, I know how obnoxious Flash can get. I **know** ," Peter said, looking earnestly at Sam. Sam kept his head low, watching Peter out of the corner of his eyes.

"Yeah, I've seen," he muttered, running his thumb over the back of his knuckles.

"Sam…" Petra said in reproach.

"He's just a bully, Sam, it's **our** responsibility to not stoop to his level," Peter said.

"Yeah, yeah, great power, blah, blah, blah" Sam said glaring up at Peter.

Peter and Petra reached out and each placed a hand on his shoulder. Sam turned his gaze back down to the ground.

"But you didn't hear what he was saying! He was being a total perv," Sam said waving his hands in frustration.

"It doesn't matter what he was saying, even without your Nova Force you have training Flash doesn't," Peter said calmly.

"Even though he's a complete ignoramus, that doesn't mean we can just go whaling on him for being a jerk," Petra added, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Ugh, yeah, I just—" Sam began, then growled, "It isn't fair that he gets to say that kinda crap and get away with it!"

"Who said anything about letting him off the hook?" Peter said, frowning.

"You need to tell a teacher next time," Petra added, "Instead of, you know, taking him out like a villian."

"I, uh, didn't think I could hit that hard, without my helmet…" Sam said [32], trailing off and poking at a loose thread on his pants. Peter and Petra shared a look, then grinned.

"Hey Buckethead," Peter began.

"Don't sell yourself… **short** ," Petra finished, both of them snickering. Sam groaned and flung his hands in the air.

"Oh my Thor! That isn't funny [33]," he said, shaking off their hands and standing up abruptly. He glanced around for his back and then froze, "Ah man, I left my bag! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

"Hey, it's cool, just text MJ," Peter said as he stood up.

"Lunch is next, she can meet us with it there," Petra said following them out the door.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

30 He had.

31 He wasn't.

32 This was true. He hadn't thought his scrawny five-foot-six, 140 pound self could take down the six-foot-two, 185 pound meathead that was Flash Thompson.

33 It was pretty funny.


	8. Something Menace Something Spiders

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _"Ah man, I left my bag! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Sam said._

 _"Hey, it's cool, just text MJ," Peter said as he stood up._

 _"Lunch is next, she can meet us with it there," Petra said following them out the door._

* * *

 _Now..._

 ** _Chapter 8: Something Menace Something Something Spiders_**

"Ooh you guys get a Taco Tuesday? We have a hot dog Tuesday, this is way better, I love tacos!" Petra said as the they got in line for lunch. There weren't that many students in the lunch hall yet, the three of them were a bit early.

"No, really," Sam said, drawing out the words sarcastically as they picked up their trays.

"You like tacos, too?" Peter asked in pleasant surprise. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Are you **seriously** surprised by that, Webs [34]?" Sam said with a resigned sigh as they picked out their drinks and sides.

"For all you know, Buckethead, I could actually **like** hot sauce," Petra said haughtily. Sam stared at her in clear disbelief.

"Yeah!" Peter said, nodding his head and projecting a similar air of superiority.

"Really," he said, as he took a plate of tacos and double salsa. Petra and Peter both skipped the salsa as they grabbed their tacos.

"I said that I **could** , not that I **did** ," Petra said, sticking her tongue out at Sam before putting on her cheerful face for the cashier as they tapped their (totally not SHIELD issued) school IDs to the (new this school year and completely normal) electronic payment pad.

"Whatever, Webby," Petra glowered at Sam at the nickname but otherwise didn't comment.

As they made their way across the hall to 'their' lunch table, a blonde girl came up to Sam. Biting her lip she pulled him aside.

"Hey Sam, totally sorry to do this, again, but I forgot my.." she started to say, then darting a look Peter's way, finished, "stuff, again, and…"

"No, it's cool. Totally no big, but, uh, I actually left my bag in class. With MJ," Sam said, looking embarrassed, "Oh, wait, Petra hold up a sec," he added, passing his tray to Petra, who balanced the two loaded trays easily as she paused, Sam unzipped one of the smaller sections of her borrowed backpack. Petra looked over her shoulder and smiled at the other girl.

"Hi, I'm Petra, I don't think we've met yet. I just transferred in today," she said brightly.

"Hi, Petra. Gwen. Stacy. I owe you big time, you need anything, I'm your girl, thank you so much!" she said, cheeks pink as she took the slim pencil bag from Sam, "I'll get this back to you before school is out, promise!"

As Gwen left Petra stared after her, mouth opened in surprise.

"Stacy?" she whispered.

After zipping up the obnoxiously patterned backpack, Sam took his tray back from Petra. Peter raised his eyebrow and tilted his head at Petra in clear inquiry as they resumed their path through the much more crowded lunch hall.

"Like, mom is the chief of NYPD, **Gwen** Stacy?" Petra asked, looking between Sam and Peter.

"Uh, dad, but yeah, basically," Sam said.

"So I'm guessing **everyone** is gender flipped then, huh?" Peter mused, more to himself than to either Sam or Petra.

They slid into 'their' seats at 'their' lunch table, waving to Ava, Luke and Danny standing in the lunch line.

"She doesn't look anything like Greg [35]," Petra muttered, opening her sports drink just a smidge too hard and cracking the lid, "Heheheh, whoops."

Sam and Peter frowned at her and shared a look.

"Hey, um, I know this must be really weird. With everyone being the opposite gender and all. And it's really lame that you're basically stuck here for… a while, without your team. But you **are** part of **our** team," Peter said, starting out at a bit of a ramble but ending with confidence. Sam nodded fiercely in agreement as Peter continued, "Neither Fury nor Coulson get to say otherwise, you're on the team. And anyways Aunt May will love you, for sure."

"Yeah if only to use as her living manikin," Sam muttered under his breath. Peter shuddered theatrically while Petra laughed.

"Poor Buckethead," she got out between giggles, "I'm guessing your Buckethead wasn't in a ruffled men's suit in this universe, huh?"

Peter groaned and shook his head. Sam's ears turned pink as he glowered at Peter, being sure to eat his double salsa tacos [36] as obnoxiously as possible [37].

"Why did you have to remind me? Ugh, no, it was some frilly **dress** ," Peter said.

"Shut up, Webs," Sam said around his mouthful of taco, glaring between the two Parkers.

"Greetings, friends," Danny said as he sat down at the table, Luke and Ava joining them as well.

"Hey," Ava said, unwrapping her chicken Caesar wrap.

"Oh, hey team, did you know Petra liked tacos, too? " Peter said as Luke carefully opened his own sports drink.

"No, really, tell me something new," Luke said, rolling his eyes.

"Tacos are the best!" Petra said, smiling before giving all appearances of enthusiastically enjoying her lunch[38].

Mary Jane neatly placed her tray in front of her seat before tossing Sam his bag across the table.

"Forget something, tiger?" Mary Jane said. He caught it one handed and slung it under his seat, ears turning pink again at the new nickname. Peter glowered while Petra quirked an eyebrow at Sam.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Thanks MJ," Sam said, ducking his his head.

Ava, Luke, and Danny shared looks of surprise and leaned in towards Sam.

"Don't mention it, 'Sam'," Mary Jane said smirking.

"Woah, hold up," Luke said, setting his taco down in surprise.

"What are we holding up for, now? " Harry asked as he sat down next to Peter.

"It would appear that Sam left his bag in his previous class," Danny replied, scooping up salsa with his cheese quesadilla slices.

"What? No way," Harry said, looking at Sam in disbelief.

"Sam," Ava said, pausing in her eating to give him a very serious stare. Sam swallowed his mouthful of food with an audible gulp.

"What? People forget their bags all the time!" Sam snapped.

"This truth cannot hide another," Danny said, green eyes focused on Sam's hazel.

"Danny's right, you never forget your bag," Ava said.

"Uh, well, you know," Sam said, looking away, then sucking his water noisily through his straw.

"Oh my gosh, Sam," Mary Jane began, rolling her eyes at his sudden refusal to share. Then she leaned forward, grinning, "You guys, you are not going to believe this. Flash was being a total jerk in Mrs. Preston's class, and when Sam here tells him to knock it off, he gets even sleazier, if such a thing were even possible," she said. Peter and Petra both muttered under their breaths, then shared an annoyed look. Mary Jane raised an eyebrow at Petra, but continued on otherwise unperturbed, "Like, complete sleazeball stuff. It was really aggravating."

"Uh, yeah, he was being a creep," Sam muttered, poking at his sauteed plantains.

"But before I could call on Mrs. Preston, Sam launched himself at Flash and took him down with one punch!" Mary Jane said, miming Sam's earlier punch. Sam shoved an oversized mouthful of plantains in his mouth and sunk down lower in his seat, chewing while staring at his tray. Most definitely not in an attempt at avoiding catching any of his teammates eyes [39].

"Yeah, man? You took Flash down with one punch? You know if you'd told me this I wouldn't believe you, Buckethead," Luke said, giving Sam a friendly punch to the arm. Sam squeaked, coughed and swallowed his mouthful of bananas. Luke raised his hands in mock surrender and apology, "Heh, sorry Sam."

Sam's glare had no real force behind it, though. Ava gave Sam a thoughtful, appraising look. Harry smiled and laughed, (only somewhat) sharply.

"About time somebody put Flash in his place," Harry said, showing just a bit more teeth than strictly necessary for a smile.

"Violence should never be encouraged, it should only be a last resort," Danny said mildly. Harry narrowed his eyes and huffed in annoyance.

"Yeah, well we can't all be saints like you and Pete," he said as he turned back to his lunch.

"Yeah, well, it isn't something to be proud of," Sam said, slinging his bag over his shoulder and standing up abruptly, "I need to go finish Mr. Adsit's homework. Later."

Ava sighed and shook her head as Sam bused his tray.

"How does that boy pass his classes? He's almost as bad as you, Peter," she said wonderingly.

"Hey," Peter said in protest, "I'm making As in every class, I'll have you know."

The rest of his team's bickering faded into the general background rumble of the lunch hall as Sam dropped his tray in the tray return and walked out.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

34 Peter actually is surprised by Petra enjoying tacos. Yes, Sam, I'm left agast at his Pete-ness as well.

35 Greg was blonde haired. And human.

36 The salsa wasn't actually all that spicy.

37 Sam was extremely obnoxious.

38 It was pretty good, for school food. She was just trying to figure out the weird anti-connection between hot dogs and tacos.

39 It was, in fact, exactly for this purpose.


	9. Double Spiders Double Trouble

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _Sam slung his bag over his shoulder and stood up abruptly, "I need to go finish Mr. Adsit's homework. Later."_

 _His team's bickering faded into the general background rumble of the lunch hall as Sam dropped his tray in the tray return and walked out._

* * *

 _Now..._

 ** _Chapter 9: Double Spiders Double Trouble_**

"Thanks again, Petra, you're a real life saver!" Gwen was saying as Sam and Peter came up to Peter's locker.

"Ah, no problem, anytime Gwen," Petra said, stopping in front of Peter's locker and starting to turn the lock. Old habits must die hard. Peter cleared his throat and tilted his head at his locker, then looked over at Petra's. Petra shrugged sheepishly, and not at all cutely, nope, then stepped over to her own [40].

"Hey there chili pepper," Gwen said, playfully punching Sam's shoulder, "I heard you knocked out Flash with one punch."

"Uh, yeah, I mean, no, I just winded him," Sam said. At Peter and Petra's combined frown of disapproval, he rubbed his arm and glanced down, adding, "I shouldn't have hit him," then under his breath, "Even if he **was** being a jerkface."

"Sam," Petra said sharply. Sam looked away, stupid spider hearing calling him out. Though Peter's frowned deepened he apparently didn't feel the need to say anything.

"So I guess it goes without saying you have detention, then," Gwen added. Sam made a face at that.

"Yeah, detention with the Webheads today, **ugh** ," Sam said with an exaggerated eyeroll.

" **Rude** ," Peter complained with a pout, closing his locker and shouldering his backpack.

"We're right here, **Buckethead** ," Petra added, finishing up with her own locker.

"Whatever," Sam said, looking away and adjusting his bag's strap across his shoulders.

"You've already got detention? What did you **do**?" Gwen asked Petra, obviously surprised the new girl had done something detention worthy in one day.

"Oh, uhh… I… wore my sunglasses in class," Petra lied, just as awkward and nervous with lies as Peter.

"Riiight… Well, anyways, I gotta jet. Later!" Gwen said, clearly disbelieving Petra's flimsy excuse. Sam shook his head as Gwen left.

"Really? **Really**? You **wore** your sunglasses in **class**?" exasperated, Sam threw up his hands. How did these two function? How could anyone not figure out their superhero identities? Maybe they just thought they were potheads [41], flarking idiots, "Ugh, you really are a Webhead."

"That **is** a really lame excuse for detention," Luke said, walking up to Peter's locker, their unofficial pre-detention meeting spot, with Danny and Ava.

"Are all Spiders so similarly terrible with falsehoods?" Danny wondered aloud [42].

"It wouldn't surprise me," Ava said dryly, starting the team on the way to the detention hall. Petra fell in step beside her. Peter taking the lead while Sam slunk along next to Luke. Definitely not sulking at having real detention instead of the usual training [43].

"Hey," Peter and Petra protested, together. Sam rolled his eyes.

"They're both way too… **them** , it's creepy," Sam complained.

Peter and Petra looked at each other and nodded, then turned to Sam with identical creepy grins stretching across their faces.

"Come play with us Sam," they said reaching out to him.

"Woah, no way!" Sam yelled, running ahead of the team. Peter and Petra dropping their arms and laughing. Ava and Luke shared an exasperated look, while Danny shook his head.

[***]

The final L.M.D. shattered into pieces under White Tiger's kick. She returned to a relaxed ready stance, still on guard.

"Alright! That's like, thirty seconds better than our last session! Great job!" Spider-Man said, dropping down to land in front of his team. White Tiger relaxed, stretching.

Iron Fist and Power Man shared an excited fist bump, "Alright!"

White Tiger and Nova feigned nonchalance, though inside Sam was preening at the praise.

"What really? My team would have been done **forty** seconds ago," Spider-Girl said, landing next to Spider-Man in her new suit, well Spider-Man's new suit technically. And its poor fit might have been extremely distracting to certain persons [44]. Even more than a well fitting suit [45].

Did all spider powered people have amazing asses or was it just a Parker trait? What did he do to deserve this torture [46]? But Spider-Girl was going on, "Not bad for a bunch of boys. I'll get our time down by next week, don't worry!

"Say what?" Luke exclaimed, looking at her incredulously over his high tech sunglasses.

"Such cruel words," Danny said, holding a hand up to his heart, feigning taking a hit.

"Excuuuse me?!" Sam said, drawing it out in frustration. Pleasant warm fuzzies of 'good job' dissolving.

"Hey **I'm** not a boy!" Ava snapped, hackles rising.

" **You'll**!" Peter yelped, turning, probably to give her one of his many teamwork lectures.

The session end buzzer sounded as the doors slid open.

"Hah! Yes! Freedom!" Sam cried out, attempting to dart through the open doors.

Two web lines thwipped out, landing on his feet. He jerked to an ignominious halt inches before the open doors, "Aww man!"

"Where are **you** going, Buckethead?" Spider-Man asked, giving his line a tug. Sam wobbled, still straining against them.

"Yeah, Sparky, we've got extra training together **remember**?" Spider-Girl added, with her own tug. Sam dipped down a few inches, whining petulantly.

"No fair double teaming me, guys!" Nova protested, straining against the dual web lines and shared spider strength.

Power Man shared a look with White Tiger and Iron Fist on their way out. Iron Fist muttered 'phrasing' and shook his head. White Tiger shrugged.

"Moving on. We're going on patrol plan tango. Meet you back at Aunt May's," White Tiger said as they left, the doors sliding closed almost mocking Sam.

Nova stopped straining against the web lines and gave a loud sigh. He drooped dramatically and sunk lower.

"Okaaayy, I guess we'll- hah! Psych!" his over dramatic stoop let him quickly grab the lines on his feet. With two similar shrieks, he rocketed across the room, dragging the two Spiders behind him.

"Woah Sparky!" Spider-Man called out.

"Bad Buckethead! Bad!" Spider-Girl yelled.

Sam laughed, turning sharply. Spider-Man and Spider-Girl released their lines and landed, crouched, on the wall and ceiling, respectively.

Nova tore the lines off and flipped about sending weak blasts at the both of them. They dodged the blasts with flips, both aiming web shots Nova's way.

The extended training session soon devolved into a rather violent, uneven game of tag between the three teen superheroes. Spider-Man and Spider-Girl mostly working together to tag Nova.

"Hah too slow Webs! Oof!"

" **Whose** too slow, Spark Plug?" Spider-Girl cried out from her perch on Nova's back. Stupid, spider reflexes, stupid spider nicknames.

"Get off of-"

"Thwip thwip, Bucket Head!" Spider-Man taunted, taking advantage of Spider-Girl's distraction to web Nova.

"Mmph!"

"Spidey watch it!" Spider-Girl snapped as Sam twisted about, the second web blast landing on her side instead of trapping Nova's arms as planned.

"Oops, sorry Spidey!"

Nova slowed to a hover, scraping at the sticky webbing holding his mouth shut.

"Hey hey! Who said woah?" Spider-Girl teased, kicking at his sides as if spurring on a horse. Sam made angry noises behind the webbing, blushing furiously under his helmet. Stupid spiders with their stupid jokes.

"Giddy up lil doggie!" Spider-Man laughed, thwipping a web line to Nova's chest and swinging him towards the wall.

Sam dropped his hands from his face, grabbing Petra's ankles, he accelerated. Spinning around, Spider-Man's web line fell away and he slammed her into the wall. His helmeted head slamming into the spider design on her chest.

They landed with grunts and the sound of something ripping.

"Jeeze Louise Nova! For a tiny guy you weigh a ton!" Spider-Girl protested, shoving him off.

"Bleh, eugh, gross," Nova said as he finally ripped off the webbing covering his mouth, "and I'm not..." he started to rant, turning around to face Spider-Girl.

"You're not what, Short Stack?" Spider-Girl tilted her head, perched against the wall, waiting.

"...Bwa?"

"Woah, wardrobe malfunction," Spider-Man yelped.

"Yeah, I **told** Coulson it needed more reinforcement," she said, shrugging, completely uncaring. Sweaty skin moving with the motion, nonono eyes up front, das't "but he **insisted** this new anti ballistic fabric should hold up until my own suit is finished."

"Well! I guess we'll call it a day then!" Peter said, clapping his hands together in a 'that's that' gesture. Sam nodded in agreement, eager to escape the suddenly hot training room.

"What, really? It's a **little** uncomfortable, yeah, but it isn't like **your** suits ripped," Spider-Girl said clearly confused even behind the mask. How do spiders do that [47]? Is masked emoting a superpower now [48]? Better think of that than... Petra jumped down, landing upright in front of Peter. Flushed skin bouncing so- _nope. Nopenopenope._

"Uh, what?" Peter said

"Hang on, seriously?" Sam asked, surprised.

"Heh, **hang** ," Peter and Petra giggled two near identical, nerdy giggles at Sam's unintentional pun. Sam rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Do you **have** to do that **every** time?" Sam said, headache forming.

"Mmmmaaayyybe?" Peter said, dragging out the word obnoxiously. Spider-Girl rubbed the back of her head, laughing awkwardly [49].

"What d'you mean, 'it's not our suits'," Sam said, making air quotes, "you're the one with…" Sam gestured at his chest, miming having breasts, Spider-Girl glanced away.

"Uh, no, you're the ones with…" she said, turning back and gesturing at her own chest, hands flat instead of cupped. _Don'tlookdon'tlook_ \- dusky, pink, how is she cold- _shitshitshit_.

"I think we've found a difference in our dimensions, Spider-Girl," Peter said, faking cheerfulness badly. Sam groaned.

"Yeah, we're definitely not on the same page with this one, Webby," Sam added, still looking at Spider-Man.

"Wait, really? Are you serious? That's… that's so weird, but…" she put her hand to her chin in the classic 'thinking' pose. The motion drawing Sam's attention, her boobs squishing together just a hint of pink above her arms- _stopitstopit_ , "Yeah, that makes some stuff make a little more sense now."

"Sooo, reschedule the training session?" Spider-Man asked, rocking up and down on the balls of his feet.

"Yeah, I guess," Spider-Girl said, "So how taboo are breasts? Like, as taboo as pecs or… uh no you've never been to my dimension so that's not a relevant frame of reference, is it? Hoo boy this multidimensional stuff is **annoying**."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Spider-Man sighed. Nova floated down, hovering just off the ground.

"You know my other team leader, Star-Lord, has a saying about multidimensional stuff he likes to use-"

"That's nice Nova."

"Whatever, Buckethead. I gotta go change, I guess," Spider-Girl said, swinging to the doors and keying in the end-session override code. The doors slid open.

"Yeah, let's jet. We might even get back in time for a hot meal," Sam said eagerly, darting out through the doors. Thinking hungrily of eating in and most definitely not anything else [51].

"Ugh, Nova!" Peter yelled, swinging out of the room after him and heading for the lockers. So not looking forward to the trip on the subways back to Aunt May's.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

40 It was _flarking_ adorable.

41 This was the general consensus among Midtown High's student body. It was a pretty good disguise for definitely not being a superhero, no matter how unintentional it was.

42 They usually are.

43 He was a little bit sulky.

44 Like mysterious cosmic powered superheroes of the Nova variety.

45 It was far too tight across her chest and glutes. Far, far, too tight.

46 He knows what he did.

47 Very carefully.

48 It really is.

49 Yes they do. Every. Single. Time.

50 Evaporative cooling plus air conditioning.

51 Most definitely not thinking about tasty melons or juicy pies, nope.

* * *

 _(( So did you know it was illegal for men to be shirtless until the mid 20th century in most of the US? I figured in the parallel genderbent universe Petra is from something similar might have been the case but with being genderbent it would logically have been women instead of men. In her dimension men being shirtless is still illegal and indecent. Her dimension has other differences, too.))_


	10. Chapter Ten

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _"Yeah, let's jet. We might even get back in time for a hot meal," Sam said eagerly, darting out through the doors. Thinking hungrily of eating in and most definitely not anything else._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 10: The Author Regrets The Format of The Chapter Titles And Henceforth Shall Stop With That Headline Nonsense**_

The three teens paused in front of Aunt May's home.

"Well, here we are," Petra said, looking up at the too familiar house that wasn't quite right.

"Home sweet home!" Peter said brightly.

She shifted her weight from foot to foot and worried at her lip. She looked so tense, like she actually thought Aunt May wouldn't let her stay.

"Hey, Webby, no need to worry," Sam said, brushing shoulders with her, "Aunt May is totally awesome!"

Petra looked down tightening her grip on her borrowed backpack, "Yeah, Aunt May...

"Ah man what am I gonna do if Aunt May doesn't like me? What if she hates me? Where am I gonna stay? Will I have to be a hobo and live life by the hobo code? I don't wanna be a hobo!"

"Pet chillax!" Sam said, exasperated. Did they both have to freak out over ridiculous things? In what terrible universe would Aunt May not welcome in her family or Peter's friends? Sam didn't want to discover it if it existed. No way.

"It's gonna be ok, Petra. You aren't going to be a hobo," Peter soothed, "Aunt May will love you, for sure!"

Of course Peter would think her weird hobo idea was worth mentioning. Webheaded idiots, the both of them.

Sam's stomach chose that moment to announce its hunger with a sound like a churlgurian rug beast [52]. Petra and Peter stared at him with near identical expressions of disgusted awe.

"What? I'm starving!" Sam said defensively. Peter smirked.

"I guess you **are** still growing," Peter teased. Petra giggled. Inwardly Sam felt a tickle of relief at the happy sound. Outwardly...

"You bet your butt I'm still growing! I'm gonna be taller than you one day, Webhead! [53]"

"In your dreams, Buckethead [54]," Peter said, condescending.

"Aww, poor lil Short Stack. Hey, if it's any consolation you're like, four whole inches taller than my Sammie," Petra said, ruffling Sam's hair. Sam flailed at her hand.

"Augh, Webby, _das't_ it! I just gelled that!" He snapped, spiky hair now mostly flat. She gave him a shove towards the house.

"Whatever, Sparky. Come on, let's get this over with."

Acting Principal slash Special Agent Coulson was going over some paperwork with Aunt May in the living room as they entered.

"Hi Aunt May, this is cousin Petra. You ah, you remember cousin Petra, right Aunt May?" Peter said by way of introduction. Petra gave a little wave.

"Hi Aunt May!"

"Hey Aunt May," Sam greeted, not bothering to stop on his way to the kitchen.

"Hello Petra, so good to see you, dear. I'm sorry but for the life of me I just cannot recall us meeting before. Peter, did you remember Petra here is your cousin?" Aunt May asked.

"Hah. Hah. Yeah, good ol' cousin Petra! Hahaha," Peter lied, laughing nervously.

"Hahaha, that's me! Cousin Petra!" Petra added, just as awkward.

"I just don't remember ever receiving a baby shower invitation, or birth announcement for my niece."

"Second cousin, once removed. So technically also your cousin, too," Petra flubbed.

"Named **Petra** ," Aunt May said.

"Yep, haha, that's my name!" Petra said, smiling.

Peter laughed nervously again.

"That is being sent to stay with us. And that I should not mention to her parents for inadequately explained reasons regarding their apparent amnesia?"

"May—" Coulson began, adjusting his already perfectly aligned tie.

" **Principal** Coulson, of course I will take in dear Petra. Peter, show her to the guest bedroom that Ava is staying in, would you please?"

"Yeah! Sure thing Aunt May!" Peter said with obvious relief, practically running for the stairs.

"Thank you, Aunt May. This means a lot to me," Petra said, walking over and pulling Aunt May into a hug.

"Of course, dear, whatever happened, you **are** family, after all," Aunt May said kindly, returning the hug. Petra hugged her momentarily tighter, then stepped back. Following Peter up the stairs.

"Thank you for taking in your cousin, May-" Coulson began.

"Phil, don't you patronize **me**. If you think for a hot minute that-"

"I'll just bring the webheads their supper upstairs then!" Sam called from the kitchen around a mouthful of food. Running upstairs with his plate, fork and a hastily grabbed Tupperware of leftovers.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

52 Churlgurian Rug Beasts are so named for their penchant to hunt down and brutally slaughter any furniture daring to rest its legs upon soft, woven fibers. They appear to only care for hand (or hoof, or paw, or tentacle, etc.) woven rugs. Before synthetically produced rugs were widely available on Churlga this was a frequent and a rather loud, gurgling sort of death for anyone unfortunate enough to be occupying said furniture at the time.

53 He would forever remain 5'6'' in this universe. Except that one time with the Pym particles. Two times, come to think of it. And then there was that time with Loki and the... You know what, let me revise that to say this Sam is supposed to stay 5'6'' assuming no outside interference.

54 Actually, Sam secretly loved how much stronger and taller Peter was. So he wasn't even taller than him in his dreams. He'd never admit it out loud though, even if horrifically tortured by one of Peter's many archnemeses.


	11. Elevensies

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _"Phil, don't you patronize me. If you think for a hot minute that-"_

 _"I'll just bring the webheads their supper upstairs then!" Sam called from the kitchen around a mouthful of food. Running upstairs with his plate, fork and a hastily grabbed Tupperware of leftovers._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 11: Elevensies**_

As fun as listening to Coulson get torn a new one by Aunt May would be, he so did not want risk her turning on him. He **was** the second most believable liar on the team, after all. Who knew Danny could be so devious when called to action [55]?

Well, Danny would surely agree that, what was it? Distraction was the better part of valor. Sounds about right, yeah.

Sam pushed the door open to Peter's room, **their** room until the new tricarrier was completed. Petra was going through Peter's clothes. Picking out shirts, it looked like. She had already changed out of the too tight skirt and into a pair of sweatpants. And while some tiny, masochistic part of him was disappointed, he was mostly relieved.

Sam pushed the door closed with his foot and set the Tupperware on the dresser. The bed was overtaken with clothes, and his pallet was still rolled up where he'd put it this morning.

Had it only been this morning? It felt like more time should have passed than not even a full day yet. Sam sat cross legged in a clothes free corner and resumed eating. Aunt May's meatloaf, which wasn't nearly as bad as Peter liked to make it out to be. It would be better without the shredded kale in the loaf. Some chilis added to the tomato sauce would help. And a real meatloaf mix from the butcher instead of all ground turkey would make it really good.

Maybe next week he could try it out. And there was that veggie loaf recipe he'd seen that Danny would like, that should be enough for everyone. With a salad to keep Aunt May happy, oh and he could try his hand at a strawberry rhubarb pie. Or maybe a cobbler, he hadn't had a cobbler in ages and-

"Helloooo buckethead," Peter was saying.

"Earth to Sam, come in Sam," Petra said waving her hand in front of his face.

"Huh, what?" Sam said, blinking in confusion and looking around. Most of the clothes had been put away now. Petra had settled on a few button up, long sleeved shirts, one of which he had given Peter as a joke. Oh man, it was so **tacky** [56]. If she actually wore it he was **so** getting pictures.

"We were saying, **space cadet** , where's our plates?" Petra said, crossing her arms across her chest

"Yeah, you brought us meatloaf. **Ugh** , by the way. And you didn't even get the silverware or plates to go with it!" Peter complained. Petra wrinkled her nose at the mention of meatloaf, but was clearly holding out hope that it would be good. Well, it wasn't bad, no, but good... Not yet. Next week he'd show them what meatloaf was **supposed** to be.

"Yeah, well, I was **gonna** make your plates, but then Aunt May started getting all 'don't you patronize me!' with Agent Coulson so I, uh, I scrammed," Sam said. Then belatedly offered Peter his fork and now empty plate. Peter made an 'ew-really?' face, but took the plate and fork anyways.

Peter and Petra shuddered theatrically at the thought of such a lecture.

Despite his complaints, Peter took half the meatloaf and dug in. Petra took her shirts and left. Sam frowned, thinking.

"That skirt really was the only thing clean she could fit in," Peter made a 'yeah, right' noise that Sam chose to ignore, "You think we should take her shopping before the stores close?" Sam asked, looking over at Peter. Peter made an unhappy face and swallowed the last of his supper.

"Girls take forever. And I was wanting to get my Spanish homework done in time for a quick patrol before curfew."

"Uh no, it's boys that take forever," Petra said as she came back in. Taking the fork from Peter and grabbing the Tupperware. She perched easily on the wall, resting on her heels and tucking in. So flexible, just like Peter. Flarking spiders.

Peter put the empty plate on his dresser and looked at Petra in disbelief. Sam frowned at Peter's comment.

"You need to chillax, Webs. We've got the patrols down. You don't need to clean up after us, you know," Sam said, crossing his arms and glaring. Peter glared back.

"And **I've** told **you** , I'm not cleaning up after you guys. I go on different routes," Peter said. Clearly rehashing a well worn argument with Sam. Petra swallowed her mouthful of food and raised her fork. The two boys turned to face her.

"Why don't you just take your Buckethead with you?" she said, somewhat confused. Sam stared at her, blinking. Peter opened his mouth as if to retort, then closed it again.

"Is that what you do?" Peter asked, eyes sharp. Thinking.

"Yeah, whenever I get stir crazy Sammie and I patrol. We can cover twice as much ground that way, or, well, we could..." Petra trailed off, looking away, "Hoo boy, she must be so worried by now. Waking up alone, no Spidey at school..."

A wave of anxiety passed through Sam at the thought of what this other Nova must be going through.

Instead of two messy haired nerds in the bed this morning, she'd had zero. And when Petra hadn't shown up to her classes, then missed training... Sam felt sick at the thought of the same thing happening here.

And this other him, **her** , she had no idea Petra was safe. Stuck here for what Strange seemed to think would be a long time.

Petra sat the unfinished Tupperware on the dresser.

"Hey, cheer up, Spidey. Didn't Doctor Strange say the other Doctor warded you? I'm sure Fury must know, right?" Peter said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Sam stood up abruptly.

"I know what you need, let's go get you some clothes," Sam declared. Petra snorted but hopped lightly to the floor.

"You boys and your shopping."

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

55 It's almost like he was raised as a prince in the distant courts of a far off land. Or something.

56 It really was incredibly tacky.


	12. Chapter Twelve

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

[scenes in this chapter were edited to meet fanfiction dot nets's requirements. Uncensored scenes available on AO3/Archive of Our Own under the same pen name (EmeraldsAndAmethyst)]

Previously...

 _Sam stood up abruptly._

 _"I know what you need! Let's go get you some clothes," Sam declared. Petra snorted but hopped lightly to the floor._

 _"You boys and your shopping."_

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 12: The Author Will Restore the Headline Nonsense As Requested Post Haste**_

One unpleasantly long shopping trip later the three teens were once again walking up to Aunt May's. Somehow Sam had gotten roped into carrying everything, despite Peter joining them. And Petra's own spider strength. _"It's not our fault you didn't bring your bucket, Buckethead." "Yeah, Sparky, what if we get mugged? Someone has to defend you boys."_

After discovering the joys of being forced to try on clothes to find the right fit instead of picking whatever she liked right off the rack, Petra finally had a more complete wardrobe. And a new appreciation of what boys in her universe had to go through to buy clothes. _"I take back everything I ever said about boys and shopping. What even are these numbers? Fifteen, seventeen, twenty-one, **what**? Where are the **units**?"_

Sam and Peter both had tried to convince Petra that bras were an everyday, all the time garment for girls in this universe, not just for sports. She'd taken one look at the bras available and declared them cruel and unusual. _"And why are they all push up? What the frick frack do I need a **push up** bra for? And look at this nonsense, why are all the ones in my size so boring? This is stupid. And expensive. Your dimension is dumb."_

Her fashion sense was, unsurprisingly, similar to Peter's. Though instead of plain cotton undershirts, she did prefer cami tops. They had at least managed to convince her to get mostly not-white ones. Sam would take it as a victory. She was, if possible, even more stubborn than Peter. _"Oh noes, not nipples. It isn't like humans are **mammals**." "What about boy nipples, you said **pecs** aren't kosher." "Sh-shut up, that's different! Boys don't make milk, duh."_

Arguing with her about bras had been bad enough, but her mention about milk left him doing his level best to not think about milky breasts. Soft, and full, with dusky nipples squirting sweet- _das't_ it why the _flark_ does trying to not think about a thing make you think about the thing even more? How was that fair.

Sam staggered in after Peter, Petra pulling the door closed behind them. He dropped the many bags onto the kitchen table with an exaggerated groan of relief. Ava looked up from her studies in annoyance.

"Be quiet, Buckethead. You know the rules," Ava huffed. Referring to the house rules the team had set up to cut down on the stress of so many people sharing the same house. Rule number one was Do Not Disturb Study Time. And yes, Ava felt that it did require capital letters and priority status.

Peter rolled his eyes from behind Ava [57].

Petra rummaged through the fridge. With her mood and appetite restored from earlier, her stomach was now reminding her of her unfinished supper. There was only a container of tempeh taco mix left after Luke, Danny, and Ava had eaten their own suppers. According to the chore schedule, tonight was leftovers night and tomorrow was Luke's turn to cook. Which if he was anything like Lucy would be a massive pasta dish, probably spaghetti, though maybe she could convince him to make mac'n'cheese? But that was a day away, and she did **not** like tempeh, **ugh**.

Closing the fridge she pulled down some Nutella, honey and bread from the cupboard. She globbed the spread on a piece of bread, and drizzled honey on top of it. When she put the pieces together it was rather lumpy. Sam stared at her in disbelief.

"What are you **doing**?" Sam asked, making an incredulous noise. How can you make a lumpy sandwich with nut butter and honey? **How**? Dear cosmic powers above give him strength.

"Making a Samwich?" she answered as if it were obvious. Ava growled under her breath.

"No no no! It's lumpy! Pet you're as bad as Pete. That is not how you spread nut butters and honey. Thor! How do either of you survive [58]?" Sam said pushing her out of the way and fixing her morally objectionable 'sandwich'.

"Uh, 'Samwich'?" Peter asked. Ava glared at her laptop and typed loudly. Sam pulled out some more bread and managed to salvage the first sandwich into something at least not lumpy, and used the excess to lay a perfectly neat layer of hazelnut butter on the next slice. Peter leaned over Sam, being nosey and generally a pest. So close Sam could feel his body heat. Petra sat on the counter, like a normal teenager and not a spider.

"Yeah, you know, get some bread. Spread around the Nutella. Put some honey in the middle. Samwich," Petra explained while Sam drizzled honey on the other half of the second sandwich. Peter whined like a hungry puppy. Sam looked at him in exasperation. Peter stuck out his lower lip in a pout.

Ava stopped her typing to stare at Petra.

"I'm sorry, are you saying sammich or **Sam** wich?" she asked her.

"Samwich, not sammich. 'Cause PB and J is a big no, well PB anyways [59], and N and J sounds weird. And anyways it's made with honey, not jelly. And Sammie introduced me to the deliciousness of the chocolate-hazelnut spread that is Nutella, so Sammie's sandwich. Samwich!" Petra said cheerfully, 'explaining' her own unique logic for naming a honey and Nutella sandwich 'Samwich'.

Sam quickly turned around at her explanation, feeling nervous flutters in his stomach at the mental images conjured by the phrase 'Sammie sandwich'. Combined with Peter's lithe body pressing against his back and hungry whining, he was sure he must be blushing.

"Riiiiight, ok, sure," Ava said, looking between the two oblivious spiders and a blushing Sam.

"Feed me Sam, I'm hungry too!" Peter begged. Sam sighed and pulled out the rest of the sliced bread, finishing it off neatly into three more sandwiches. Petra snatched them up and Peter grabbed the remaining two.

"Webs!" Sam snapped, at both of them really, but Petra stuck out her tongue and wolfed down her first sandwich.

Peter started in on his as well, but once his mouth was full he tore the last sandwich in half and offered it to Sam. Sam took it grudgingly and ate his half at a more reasonable rate.

Petra and Peter swallowed noisily. Petra doing her best to cram her last two sandwiches in her mouth at the same time, Peter easily eating his half a sandwich in a few large bites. Ava rolled her eyes and resumed her focus on her laptop. Peter licked his fingers, sticky from tearing apart his sandwich. He sucked his ring finger in his mouth, working on a stubborn bit of nut butter stuck to it.

How could he possibly be so flarking oblivious? If it was anyone else Sam would think they were flirting. Schlag.

Sam swallowed his bite with an audible gulp and crammed the rest of his sandwich in his mouth, chewing hastily. Petra leaned over to Sam, swallowing her mouthful with a lick of her lips. Lips that were smooth, not chapped like Peter's. Probably from her lip gloss. Which gave him the absurd mental image of Peter putting on lip gloss. Sam stifled a snicker, though the attempt resulted in an unintentional smirk.

"You got honey on your face, Sparky," Petra said, reaching up to rub at the offending spot on Sam's cheek. Sam opened his mouth to retort. Peter rolled his eyes, pulling his now clean finger out of his mouth with a wet pop. Petra added, "how can you suck at eating so badly?"

 _ **-Suck -**_

"Tomorrow you wanna go out on patrol with me, Buckethead?" Peter said, seemingly out of the blue.

 ** _-Eating-_ **

_**-Out-**_

"I'm gonna go bed— shower! I'm gonna go shower, get ready for bed, night!" Sam practically yelped as he bolted up the stairs.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

Footnotes:

57 Careful to keep his sass hidden from Ava to avoid her immediate and painful retaliation.

58 Without leftovers, mostly on ramen noodles and hot dogs.

59 Both Sam and Sammie were extremely allergic to peanuts.


	13. Spider-Man's Hooligans Terrorize

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _"I'm gonna go bed— shower! I'm gonna go shower, get ready for bed, night!" Sam practically yelped as he bolted up the stairs._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 13: Spider-Man's Hooligans Terrorize Helpless Citizens**_

Stupid, stupid, stupid, Sam thought to himself. Why would he say shower, **why** , he'd showered twice already—

"Oof!" Sam grunted, bouncing off what felt like a steel wall. Shaking his head he saw a slightly embarrassed, freshly showered Danny. Huh, an iron wall, at any rate.

"My apologies Sam, I was not looking where I was walking," Danny said. Hair still damp from his shower, sweatpants loose about his hips. Sam saw the opening and took it.

"No worries! Looks like I'm just in time, thanks, man!" Sam said as he rushed past Danny and into the bathroom. He locked the door and slumped against it.

"Stupid, fucking spiders and their perfect, fucking bodies," he groaned to himself, banging his head against the door.

"Sam, is all well?" Danny called through the door.

"Fucking dragons," Sam muttered, then loud enough to be heard, but not quite a yell, "Yeah, Danny, everything's just _flark'ng_ peachy."

Which only made him think of Peter and Petra's perfect asses. Perfect in different, delicious ways. Pete's amazing ass, narrow hips and that fucking dip at the base of his spine that made him want to lick something off of him. Petra's spectacular ass, so tight you could bounce a quarter off it, and her wide hips, perfect for holding onto.

It hadn't helped that during training it'd been plenty obvious that, like Peter, Petra also went commando under her super suit.

They weren't even here and they were still tormenting him. The jerks. Thinking Danny had moved on, he dropped his face into his hands and swore again in frustration, "Fuck **me**."

"As pleasurable as I'm sure that would be I do not think it would really solve your problems," Danny said through the door. Sam yelped and gave a start. Stupid, sarcastic, ninja [60].

" _Das't_ it Danny! I'm **fine**!" Sam snapped.

"Your words say one thing but your voice speaks another."

"I **said** I'm **fine**!"

"I will always be ready to listen when you are ready to speak," Danny said, then clearly teasing, "I will leave you to your 'shower', Star Child."

Sam bit back an angry retort and pushed off the door. Danny wouldn't rise to the bait, anyways. He shucked his shirts off into the laundry chute, toed off his shoes, and emptied his pockets.

Why with the nicknames? What was wrong with Nova? Or Sam? Star Child, **ugh**. Almost as bad as Buckethead.

He turned on the water and fiddled with the knobs until the temperature was just so.

Buckethead had stuck, but at least it was no longer quite as aggravating as it had been. At least Petra didn't seem fond of that one. Small mercies.

He stripped out of the rest of his clothes and dropped them down the chute.

Petra did seem intent on making up new nicknames for him. Sparky wasn't terrible, better than **Short Stack**. Hopefully Danny wouldn't share Star Child with her, he had an unpleasant feeling she'd like that one. **Ugh**.

He stepped under the spray and sighed. The nicest thing about late showers was the hot water.

But his wandering thoughts did nothing to ease the ache that he'd been fighting against what felt like all day. At least Petra was staying with Ava, he was pretty sure he'd just implode if he had to somehow fall asleep next to both of them.

Now **there's** a thought...

[***]

Sam stepped out of the bathroom, towel around his waist as he sauntered over to the room he was sharing with Peter. Stifling giggles, Ava stepped out of her room. She glared at Sam when she saw him.

"Could you have taken any longer, Buckethead?" she grumped on her way to the restroom. No real heat though, just annoyed at having to wait. That had been one nice thing about the helicarrier, plenty of restrooms between them.

Petra's giggling cut off abruptly as he walked past the door that Ava had left open. He turned to sass her about gossiping when he saw her blushing, shocked face. His grip tightened on his towel, momentarily panicked that it'd fallen even though it obviously hadn't.

Oh, right. **Pecs**. He wondered if she'd bumped into Danny and how red she'd been if she had. Danny was so ripped he'd seen his pecs bounce. Stupid kung fu master. And **no** he was **not** jealous[61]. Sam smirked and posed, showing off a particularly interesting scar across his sternum [62].

"Take a picture Webby, it'll last longer," he half sung, teasing. She sputtered and blushed from her ears down her neck. Sam laughed and continued to his room.

Peter looked up from his Spanish homework. Sam didn't notice blue eyes lingering on him as he dropped his towel and pulled on his night clothes from the dresser. He had returned to writing when Sam turned back around and started rolling out his pallet for the night. Peter frowned.

"Aren't you going to do your homework, Buckethead? You know I'm not gonna let you copy off of me, right?" Peter said. Sam made a face at the thought of homework. How was having homework on top of saving New York (and the Earth and the entire Milky Way) fair?

Answer: it wasn't.

But Coulson's disappointed 'Life isn't fair, Mr. Alexander' echoed in his mind. Sam groaned as he finished making his pallet up. Maybe he could convince Petra to let him look over her notes?

"You don't **actually** think Petra would let you copy off of **her** , do you?" Peter asked, as if reading his mind. Sam glared at him, trying to think of ways to bribe her into letting him copy her notes. Though his imagination kept getting less realistic (and less appropriate) the longer he thought on it.

"Pssh, no," Sam lied.

"Sure, Buckethead," Peter said, tone betraying his disbelief.

"Anyways, why do you always get the desk?" Sam complained, grudgingly pulling out his homework.

"Because it's **my** desk, duh," Peter said, irritated. Sam glared, anger flashing up at Peter's selfishness. **His** desk, **his** room, **his** family, his, **his** , HIS.

"Excuse me for **living** , Webs," Sam snapped dropping down loudly to the floor. He glared at the worksheet as he started in on his translations.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

60 He was not actually a ninja, he was a kung fu master.

61 Ok, ok, maybe a little bit jealous.

62 From where a heart eating Ragorian had failed at human anatomy. He really should have known better, but he'd been fifteen and stupid.


	14. For 'Science'

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

[scenes in this chapter were edited to meet fanfiction dot nets's requirements. Uncensored scenes available on AO3/Archive of Our Own under the same pen name (EmeraldsAndAmethyst)]

* * *

 _((chapter title comes from the fact that my tumblr peeps wanted this scene, strictly 'for science' purposes only. this chapter is nothing but explicit sexual content. nothing plot worthy happens at all so if you don't smut feel free to skip this bit. And Sam is 17 here but Peter and Petra are 16.))_

 _ **Chapter 14: For 'Science'**_

He stepped under the spray and sighed. The nicest thing about late showers was the hot water.

But his wandering thoughts did nothing to ease the ache that he'd been fighting against what felt like all day. At least Petra was staying with Ava, he was pretty sure he'd just implode if he had to somehow fall asleep next to both of them.

Now **there's** a thought…

Sam reached down...

[censored]

"Webs," he gasped, water washing him clean.

He stood under the spray, panting.

"Ah, fuck I need to get laid," he groaned.


	15. Spider-Man's Dangerous Vigilantism

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _Sam glared, anger flashing up at Peter's selfishness. **His** desk, **his** room, **his** family, his, **his** , HIS._

 _"Excuse me for living, Webs," Sam snapped dropping down loudly to the floor. He glared at the worksheet as he started in on his translations._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 15: Spider-Man's Dangerous Vigilantism Disturbs Hard Working New Yorkers' Sleep**_

Sam went to sleep that night angry. Or tried to. The occasional fit of girlish giggles from across the hall distracted him from his completely justified rage. It was good to hear Petra laughing. She had been trying, and failing, to hide her anxiety all day. Failing from hiding it from anyone that was familiar with Peter's quirks, that is [63].

Sam woke up abruptly for the second night in a row, though this time he knew exactly what the problem was.

Peter had fallen out of bed. Again.

Peter tended to roll about in his sleep, especially during nightmares. Sam shook his head to clear the clingy remnants of his dreams. Stretching, made his way around the bed.

Peter was on the floor. Still asleep, and trying to fight his blankets. The idiot.

"Wake up, Webs," Sam said. He reached out with his foot to poke at Peter's ribs. Peter whined and rolled away, out of the blankets. Sam sighed, "C'mon Webs, get back in bed, you idiot."

Peter groaned and kicked out, almost tripping Sam up. He stumbled back into the sheets and nearly fell down. He caught himself on the bed post.

Peter snored.

Sam glared.

Peter drooled.

Sam picked up the offending pile of blankets.

Grumbling curses to himself, Sam shook the blankets out on the bed.

"C'mon Webs, get in bed," Sam said, crouching down next to Peter.

"Mmm-hmm, yeah, Sam… bed'sa good idea," Peter slurred, eyes still closed. Sam pulled Peter's arm around his shoulders. Peter sat up with the motion. His head flopped against Sam's shoulder, still drooling.

"Ugh, man, you're getting me wet," Sam complained, standing up. Peter followed suit, leaning heavily into Sam.

"'S your fault," Peter mumbled. Sam resolutely ignored the pleasant way Peter's breath tickled against his skin.

"Are you even awake?" Sam snapped. Again with the blaming him. What was his **deal**? Peter made a sleepy noise of agreement. Sam rolled his eyes, "Webs..."

"Mmmm..."

Sam sighed and stepped them the short distance to the bed. Peter shuffled along with him. Sam pushed Peter against the bed.

"C'mon Webs. Bed."

Peter fell into the bed with a 'whump', dragging Sam with him.

" _Flark_ , Webs!"

Peter curled around Sam, nuzzling into his neck with a sleepy sigh. Sam struggled against his superior strength. Though being unwilling to do anything that would trip his Spidey-Sense and get him hit did dampen his efforts.

Yeah, that was it. It surely had nothing to do with how nice it felt having strong arms holding him tight. Or the tall, lean body wrapped around him. Or the sure knowledge that the nightmares wouldn't torment either of them for the rest of the night. With a twinge of guilt, Sam settled into bed. Secretly relishing Peter's warm body curled against him.

"I hate you," Sam said.

"Hate you too Sam," Peter mumbled against his skin.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

63 So basically the entire team knew she was stressing.


	16. Spider-Man Menaces Hapless Citizens

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _"I hate you," Sam said._

 _"Hate you too, Sam," Peter mumbled against his skin._

* * *

 _Now..._

 ** _Chapter 16: Spider-Man Menaces Hapless Citizens_**

He'd woken up that morning to a sleeping Peter chewing on his hair. A mouthy spider was never a good sign [64]. Hopefully they'd run into some trouble on the way to school.

They'd both forgotten to set the alarm last night. If it hadn't been for Aunt May's cheerful 'School day boys!' through the door they'd be late for sure. Peter was so lucky. His mom would have banged opened the door and flicked the lights. No nightmare preventing, strictly platonic cuddling would have happened under his mom's roof. He could just hear her now… _"Samuel Alejandro what are you doing with a boy in your bed? What kind of example are you setting for your sister? And you! Out, out, out!"_

He felt a twinge of sadness at the reminder of his mom. Ugh, was he **seriously** missing her obnoxious wake up routine [65]?

It was a lucky thing it was Luke's day to cook. Breakfast was a high calorie protein shake. Yeah, it tasted like crap but it **was** filling.

Though he nearly got nothing this morning. Peter downed his super metabolism special [66], plus the leftover shake in the blender. After all of that he still was eyeing Sam rather hungrily [67].

Petra drummed her fingers on the counter [68]. Sam clutched his cup tighter and drank his shake faster. Peter watched Sam. Petra shifted her weight from foot to foot. Luke frowned at Peter.

"Hey, you had your breakfast Webs," Luke said with a poke at Peter's arm. Peter rubbed his arm and pouted.

"Growing boys need their food," Danny said.

"You don't want Sam to stay tiny forever!" Ava added, looking up from her book. Sam slammed his cup down and glowered at her.

"I'm not tiny [69]!"

Peter stole his shake and chugged it.

"Webs! I wasn't finished!" Sam rounded on Peter, reaching for his cup. Petra edged nervously over to the fruit bowl.

Peter held him back, just out of reach, as he finished his ill gotten shake. Ava rolled her eyes and put her book away. Luke reached over but Peter tossed the now empty cup in the sink before he could intervene.

"Sorry Buckethead, you snooze you lose!" Peter said, letting him go with a smirk. Sam growled. Petra tossed them both apples.

"Hey, save the fighting for the streets," Petra said. Sam caught his and started eating it right away. Peter's apple bounced off his head and landed on the table. He rubbed his head and stared at it in confusion.

Sam snatched it up and ran out the house. His own apple in his mouth.

"Hey!" Peter yelled, grabbing his own bag and running out after him.

A quick costume change on the roof later and they were on patrol. Petra was back in her borrowed 'costume' from yesterday morning.

Patrol was entirely routine. Which was normally something Sam appreciated. He'd noticed though that when Peter woke up extra bitey he'd be a general pest the entire day [70].

Unless they had a good supervillian battle before school, that is. So the uneventful patrol was an unwelcome prelude to what Sam was sure was going to be a frustrating day.

Walking into school with the team drew far more looks their way than usual. Sam thought it was Petra's combination of being 'the new girl' plus her boycotting of bras, until a mousy kid from one of his classes walked up to him.

"I heard about you taking out Flash. He totally deserved it, you're a real hero," he said, pushing his glasses back up his nose and adjusting his grip on his backpack.

"I am awesome, I know," Sam said, puffing up a bit at the praise. Peter and Petra both glared at him. Sam re-positioned his bag on his shoulders and looked away, "But, uh, I shouldn't have hit him. I should have told Mrs. Preston."

The boy glared at Peter but didn't deign to comment. Turning back to Sam he added, "I just wish I could have seen it. I gotta get to class now, later."

"What a creep," Peter complained, "calling you a hero."

"Yeah, unbelievable. **Me**. Being a **hero** ," Sam snapped, brushing past Peter and heading on to his first class.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

64 Mouthy as in chewing his hair. And one excessively awkward occasion when he'd woken up in sticky boxers with Peter nibbling **that spot** on the back of his neck.

65 He seriously was. He hadn't seen his mom or little sister in person in over a year.

66 Which Sam had stolen a sip from once, and only once. The awful taste had lingered until lunch.

67 You might be thinking that this is an authorial mistake and should instead be Sam's shake that Peter is eying hungrily. You would be wrong. Peter tends to get hungry and horny easily confused.

68 The rhythm of which was unexpectedly soothing to Peter.

69 We're up to sixty-nine already?! Oh, shit. OK. Um… Hah, got it! Sam ain't tiny if you know what I'm sayin' wink-wink-nudge-nudge-say-no-more-say-no-more.

70 Stealing his breakfast was the least of it.


	17. Spider-Girl Corrupts Impressionable

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

[scenes in this chapter were edited to meet fanfiction dot nets's requirements. Uncensored scenes available on AO3/Archive of Our Own under the same pen name (EmeraldsAndAmethyst)]

Previously...

 _"What a creep," Peter complained, "calling you a hero."_

 _"Yeah, unbelievable. **Me**. Being a **hero** ," Sam snapped, brushing past Peter and heading on to his first class._

* * *

 _Now..._

 ** _Chapter 17: Spider-Girl Corrupts Impressionable Youths; Is a Menace!_**

Sam didn't have to see Peter again until second period. Biology with the team, Harry, and Gwen. Sam sat with Ava, on the outside spot of their lab table. Petra and Gwen were at the lab table immediately next to theirs, Peter and Luke were on the other end of the row. Peter kept trying to get Sam's attention. He did his best to ignore him.

Once Mr. Sampson had finished explaining their lab, Ava set her notes down and turned to Sam.

"You know Peter didn't mean it earlier," Ava said. Sam started pulling out the still new equipment that they would need for their lab. Donated by Oscorp just this year [71].

"Whatever."

"That kid was being weird, talking about how much he wanted to see Flash get beat up," Ava tried again.

"Look we both know I'm no Spider-Man-"

"Spider-Man is such a jerk! You're way too cool to be that menace," Gwen piped up.

"I heard Spider-Man was in Greenwich Village yesterday [72]. Supposedly fighting crime but who can say?" Petra said, waggling her eyebrows. Peter glared at her from his lab desk. She giggled.

"No way! Dad didn't say anything about supervillains in Greenwich Village last night. What was that weirdo doing there?" Gwen asked, shocked. Sam grabbed a slide without looking and set it on the microscope's stage [73].

"Menacing all over the place, probably," Sam muttered.

"There's all kinds of weird stuff going on there. Didn't you hear about the hauntings last week?" Ava said.

"I didn't peg you for the gullible type, Ava," Gwen scoffed.

The blue blur resolved into a quite small preserved spider. Why did the universe hate him so? Stupid spiders.

"Hey Gwen, can you double check the microscope for me please? I'm not sure I've calibrated it right [74]," Petra said, touching Gwen's arm to get her attention. Gwen shrugged and smiled at Ava and Sam, then turned back to her lab partner.

The rest of the class period passed uneventfully. Though he had a feeling Ava would try and tease him later about his 'choice' of slide to study [75].

Fully prepared to continue ignoring Peter until training, or at least lunch, Sam popped up at the first tone of the bell. Before he could take a step Petra grabbed his arm.

 _Das't_ , he should have known she'd try to help Webs. He looked to Ava.

"I've got to ask Mr. Sampson something about our lab. Meet you guys in gym class," she said, just a little bit too cheerful. Sam mouthed 'traitor' at her as Petra drug him into the hallway.

He tried to break free from her grip. Petra did not deign to notice his efforts. His stomach fluttered at the immediate and clear reminder of her superhuman strength.

"C'mon Sam, you don't have to accept it," she was saying as she led him to the nearby stairwell. Just out of the crush of rushing student bodies, "but at least listen to Pete's apology."

Sam looked away but didn't argue. Peter caught up to them and, intentionally or not [76], blocked Sam in. He'd have to shove past a spider to make his escape. Pete would probably let him go, but Petra still gripped his arm. He glared at his shoes.

Peter leaned in so he didn't have to shout above the din of class change.

"Sam, that guy was being a creep about what happened. It wasn't cool that he was so excited you beat up Flash. That's what I was trying to say earlier, but it came out all wrong. I'm sorry," Peter said rapidly.

Sam shrugged his shoulders and looked away, unintentionally meeting Petra's encouraging gaze. She shifted her grip from his arm to his back. Strong fingers almost absently pressed into him. His skin thrummed under her touch and he felt himself start to relax. Did she learn pressure points from her Iron Fist [77]? This was cheating [78].

"You **are** a hero, Sam, a real one. And not because you can take out losers like Flash with one hit. You're doing great, Buckethead," Peter said. His voice earnest and warm and Sam felt like he was flying.

"You did good this morning, Short Stack," Petra added, smiling at him. Her smile was amazing. _Dammit_. He looked away from her to see Peter's proud face and. _No_.

"Yeah, I guess he was being kinda weird," Sam heard himself say. He was such a loser. Even if Peter wasn't straight he was off limits. His leader. His friend. He wasn't going to ruin another friendship over his crushing. He couldn't lose this.

"I guess I'll forgive you. This time," his mouth went on. Completely without his consent.

"There Sparky, that wasn't so hard!" Petra said.

The happy look on Peter's face was so _flark'ng_ genuine. He felt his traitorous mouth smile back.

Petra pulled them both into a hug, resting her hand in his hair. Peter's arm slid across his back, warm and solid. He tried to think the least sexy thoughts he could imagine. His stupid height put him face first into Petra's soft chest.

She smelled like clean laundry, blackberries and sweat. His heart was racing like a Thraxel charger [79], fast and loud. She smelled nothing like Peter.

Peter was leaning into him, and… nuzzling his hair [80]? _No_. He was just too flarking short, that was all. Petra's nails scraped against his scalp and shit, did he just whine [81]? Gods damn his traitorous mouth.

He could feel himself blushing. He clung tightly to his bag's strap. Please some idiot release a swarm of giant bees, or moths, or turn themselves into an animal right now and chase Flash through the school. He wasn't picky.

He was not so lucky.

He tried to pull his head back but Petra's hand might as well have been made of some really heavy something [82]. Oh Thor, this was revenge for teasing her last night, wasn't it? [83]

Her snickering was making her ridiculously amazing tits jiggle and bounce against his face. This was not helping. He was going to **die**. Smothered to death by spider boobs.

"Not so funny when the shoe is on the other foot, huh Short Stack?"

He was trying to think up a response to that that wouldn't get him thrown through a wall when Peter came to his rescue.

Sam gasped as Peter pulled him away. Gods this wasn't any better. Peter's arm was around his waist, hand splayed against his stomach. His skin was nearly burning from the casually possessive touch. _No. No. No._ Not possessive. Petra's snickers turned into full blown laughter at the sight of Sam's blushing, panicked face.

"Don't tease like that. It isn't funny," Peter said. Radiating his Aura of Disapproval full force. Petra rolled her eyes and gave him a friendly punch to the shoulder.

"It was hilarious and you know it. Just lookit the little Spark Plug," Petra said. She reached out to boop Sam's nose. Sam's brain reengaged and he flailed at her hand. She let his flailing stop her teasing. Peter scrutinized him with mock seriousness.

"He **is** lighting up like a little light bulb, isn't he?" Peter observed.

" **He** is right here and gonna kick both your butts in training today!" Sam growled.

"Hah! You wish, Buckethead!" Peter said, confident.

"Yeah, Sparky, you're gonna be the one getting creamed today!" Petra gloated, hands on her hips.

 **-creamed-**

"No, you!" he yelped.

Peter laughed, dropping his arm.

Sam bolted.

He'd known today was going to be hard. He just hadn't realized **how** hard.

He could handle **lust** , that was **easy**. But the flutters in his gut at Petra's smile were not a good sign. Why was he such an **idiot**? She'd be leaving. If not soon, eventually. Going back to her dimension, with her team, and her Nova.

He scowled at the irrational flare of jealousy that came with those thoughts. In his distraction he ran into someone just outside the locker rooms.

Someone he had been hoping to avoid today.

Today, tomorrow, and ever again to be honest.

"Hey Alexander," Flash Thompson said.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

71 A mere coincidence that it just so happened to coincide with Harry Osbourne taking biology this year.

72 The largest gay and lesbian community in NYC according to a quick Google search.

73 © OsCorp. Blue Morpho Variant / Male / Collected 03-08-2011 / Notes: Insufficient silk production.

74 This was a lie. She knew it was calibrated incorrectly. She designed her own web fluid for Pet's sake.

75 She was still trying to get the hang of jokey insults and Sam had learned from the best in the galaxy.

76 It was completely intentional.

77 She had learned some interesting pressure points from Dani.

78 Technically not cheating. Though it was underhanded and sneaky.

79 Thraxel chargers were a kind of mount popular with the Nova Empire before Nova Prime Xantrel outlawed them for excessive prancing.

80 Peter was actually resisting the urge to bite him, which was resulting in unintentional nuzzles.

81 It was really more of a whimper, to be honest.

82 Cut Sam some slack, oxygen deprivation is terrible for one's wit.

83 It most certainly was.


	18. Spider-Man and Spider-Girl: ENEMIES!

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously...

 _In his distraction he ran into someone just outside the locker rooms._

 _Someone he had been hoping to avoid today._

 _Today, tomorrow, and ever again to be honest._

 _"Hey Alexander," Flash Thompson said._

* * *

 _Now..._

 ** _Chapter 18: Spider-Man and Spider-Girl: ENEMIES?!_**

"Oof!" Sam grunted, bouncing off a blonde haired wall of muscle. Distracted from looking where he was going by his wandering thoughts.

"Hey, Alexander," Flash Thompson said as he reached out to steady him.

Sam's expression of friendly apology shifted to something much fiercer as he recognized Flash Thompson.

"Hey bro, we're cool!" Flash said, taking a step back and raising his hands. Sam blinked back in confusion.

This was not the confrontation he'd been equal parts dreading and expecting. Some cutting words between them, maybe a bit of roughing up, sure. Flash dropped his hands and looked embarrassed.

"Sorry I was talking about your girl yesterday, bro. I had no idea you-"

"I don't own her Flash! People aren't things!" Sam snapped. He pushed past the bigger teen and into the boy's locker room. The other students gave Sam nervous looks as he stormed back to his locker [84].

Luke and Danny were finishing up and closing their own lockers as Sam stormed up.

"Ugh, what is Flash's problem," Sam said, rapidly opening his locker and flinging his bag inside. His helmet sent annoyed-disapproval his way at the clang it made against his locker.

"Some guys just never grow up," Luke said, shaking his head. Sam grabbed his undershirt and pulled both shirts off in one motion.

"Some only practice what they have known first hand," Danny added.

Sam made a rude noise as he tossed his shirts into his locker.

"Don't let Flash get to you, man, he's just a punk," Luke said. Danny nodded his agreement.

"You didn't get in another fight with Flash already, did you?" Peter asked. Frowning at Sam as he walked up and started opening his own locker. Peter gave Sam his 'I-know-something-happened-and-I-might-not-like-it-but-I'll-wait-for-you-to-do-the-right-thing' look as he unbuttoned his over shirt [85].

Sam growled, toeing off then kicking his shoes into his locker. Peter pulled out his gym clothes from his own locker, still neatly folded. He set them aside on the bench between the locker rows and put his backpack away.

"No. I didn't fight him again, Parker. Even though he totally deserves it! I just ran into him in the hall and he said something stupid," Sam grudgingly explained as he unbuckled his belt and undid his cargo pants. Peter shrugged out of his over shirt and folded it neatly. Luke and Danny shared a look as Sam slowed down his pace now that Peter was here.

"Keep your center, remember your breathing. See you both in class," Danny said he and Luke left for class.

"Later Danny," Peter responded as he placed his folded shirts in his gym locker. Sam stepped out of his pants and dropped them in his locker. Peter quickly pulled on his over sized gym shirt. The baggy Midtown High shirt did a good job of hiding his superhumanly muscled torso and biceps. Sam knew how cut he actually was and it was still hard to tell.

Sam pulled on his own Midtown High shirt as Peter took off his shoes and pants. Should he say something? Was this awkward? Peter had just 'rescued' him from a very jiggly and almost certain doom from… well from himself, kind of. Was Petra flirting with him? Or just… was it like if he rubbed her face against his chest? Something dumb and funny to laugh at a friend as they squirmed. Man, this was so confusing.

[***]

Petra had spent the first part of Field Time, after the stretching was over, keeping up with Danny and Luke. Sam and Ava usually ran together, at a bit more reasonable pace. Even though Ava enjoyed razzing on Sam about his 'lazy' pacing [86]. The second part of Field Time today was hurdles.

Sam hated hurdles.

Usually Ava was content to run them with Sam. Today though, Petra had fallen back to join them through the hurdles. So Ava was picking up their pace. Sam was kind of lazy, but he was also extremely competitive. Usually his laziness was stronger, but…

Petra was chatting casually about some differences between their dimensions, besides the taboo swap that they'd accidentally already discovered. Both he and Ava didn't have the breath to spare for more than grunts of acknowledgement. Of course he knew that racing Petra was stupid. She could jump half the _das't_ football field in one go and not even break a sweat. And if he knew then Ava obviously knew that, too.

He also knew that he could break the _flark'ng_ sound barrier when 'racing' Webs, no, Parker. _Das't_ it, **Peter**. Still. It was the principle of the thing.

Sam came to a stop as soon as Coach blew the whistle to end Field Time. He stretched out, putting his hands on his hips and leaning his shoulders a bit back. He took deep, even breaths as he stretched. Ava stood straight backed, feet and hips under shoulders, and stretched out her arms across her chest. First one, and then the other.

Petra's eyes wandered over Sam, watching him stretch. Sam's stretching pulled his shirt tight against his chest. His bronze skin glistened in the sunlight. Her eyes wandered across his arms. Not ripped like their other teammates, but still muscled. Lean like a gymnast, or Olympic skater. She felt a twinge of jealousy that he obviously didn't have to shave his arms or legs to keep his super suit from pulling at his body hair. Shaving was so flipping time consuming.

He pulled the bottom of his shirt up to wipe the sweat from his face, revealing his less than lean stomach [87] and the black hair trailing down from his belly button. As well as quite a few more scars than what Sammie sported. Weird. Ava bumped her hips against Petra, catching her mid ogle. Petra blushed and looked away. Luke and Danny waved as they jogged up to them. The team made their way towards the lagging Peter, and the indoor gymnasium.

"I thought I was finally gonna have some company back here," Peter complained as they caught up to him.

"Sorry Pete, I just, you know, it was nice not having to fake as much…" Petra rubbed the back of her neck and looked away.

"Yeah, I bet," Peter said with a resigned sigh.

"Don't worry about it, man, we've got training today!" Luke said brightly.

"Yeah, yeah," Peter sighed.

[***]

"Gird yourselves children! It's time for some DODGEBALL!"

Peter groaned in despair. Sam looked away as Petra rubbed Peter's back comfortingly.

"Suffering is the first step of the path to enlightenment," Danny murmured.

"Ugh, easy for you to say! You don't have to ignore your screaming Spidey-sense every time you take a hit!"

"The most difficult strike to take is the one seen coming," Danny agreed. Whatever the rest of his team might have said was lost as Coach called out to the dodgeball team leaders.

"Thompson! Sanders! Pick your teams!"

"Alright Sandy, we're gonna squash you!" Flash said, trash talking.

"Haha you wish Flash!" 'Sandy' Sanders responded.

"Alexander!" Flash called. To say Sam was surprised was an understatement. It was usually a competition between those two meatheads to pick Luke or Danny first.

"I get Cage!" Sandy called with glee.

"Rand!" Flash retaliated.

"Ayala!"

"Parker!" Flash called, then made a noise of disgust when Peter cautiously started towards his 'team', "Not you, Dweebus! Petra!"

Petra made her way over as Flash and Sandy divvied up their peers into dodgeball teams. Until only Peter was left.

"Aw, man, do I gotta pick puny Parker?" Sandy complained.

"I'll give you a twenty point handicap, bro!" Flash said laughingly.

Sandy groaned and gestured for Peter to join his team. Peter trudged dejectedly to his 'team's' side of the court.

Coach Haine blew his whistle as he released the balls. Teens scrambled for the 'weapons' and eagerly started throwing the projectiles at the opposing students. Sam was quite good at dodging projectiles, and actually a really good shot. Even without the assist his helmet's targeting system gave him he usually never missed.

Luke was doing his best to not bruise anyone hit by his throws, while Ava was a ferocious ball tossing bundle of energy. Peter tried to mostly hide behind his teammates, as well as his 'teammates'. His fellow students were usually terrible shields, dodging out of the way of balls just to laugh as they hit Peter.

Danny was treating dodgeball as a kind of training. Doing his best to practice his balance and ability to 'defend' his 'teammates' from the incoming projectiles. Freed from her self imposed restrictions, Petra was doing extremely well. Her natural competitiveness was given free reign, and she was taking full advantage of her Spidey-sense. Sam and Petra worked extremely well together. Each defending the other from incoming balls and retaliating against their opponents swiftly.

Petra and Sam grabbed two balls at nearly the same time and shared a fierce grin as they noticed Peter hiding behind Luke. They both aimed at Peter and let their balls go.

Peter tried catching Sam's ball, only to get smacked in the crotch by Petra's ball. He fell over in a twitching heap. Luke bent down to check on him.

"Hah! How do you like being double teamed, Pete?" Sam gloated.

Danny and Ava shared a look across the court. Ava shrugged in a 'well-what-are-you-gonna-do-about-it' sort of way. Danny sighed heavily.

Petra wiggled in a sort of victory dance.

"Hah! Go team ParksXander!" Petra laughed.

This was the most fun in dodgeball she had had in basically, ever. Not getting hit, getting to throw back, and playing with her teammates was a blast. Even if she couldn't go all out, it was far better than pretending to be the literal worst. Though as she went longer and longer without being hit the opposing students started to take notice.

"Double points if you hit the Parker girl!" Sandy called out after a particularly flexible dodge on Petra's part.

"Hey, no fair man!" Flash yelled back.

At their 'leader's' declaration the students on that side all began flinging their balls Petra's way. Filled with adrenaline and the approval of her peers, Petra dodged every single ball thrown her way. Spidey-sense telling her it was safe she posed victoriously over the spent balls. Her 'teammates' had all stopped to watch her near superhuman display of speed and agility. Sam had also grown distracted by her showing off.

"Petra watch-" Danny called, ever observant but just a bit too late with the warning.

Peter's ball slammed full force against Petra's face.

"-out…" Danny finished.

The crack of impact echoed loudly in the sudden, shocked silence. Blood trailed the ball in an arc as it bounced away. Petra stared between the ball and Peter in shock.

No Spidey-sense.

Before she could do anything about this revelation, Sam was pulling her head back and pinching her nose. Coach was running out of his office, blowing his whistle in short, quick chirps.

Huh, a nosebleed. She hadn't even noticed.

"Pet! are you OK?" Peter asked as he ran up to her. Sam glared at him, but before anything else could happen, Coach reached them.

"It looks like just a nosebleed, thank America! Nothing broken," Coach said, "Parker, what happened here?"

"I'm so sorry Coach! I was just trying to tag her!" Peter said, wringing his hands.

"Heck, Parker, I didn't think you could hit someone that hard! You must have gotten a lucky shot in," Coach said in surprise, "Parker, walk your cousin to Nurse Redhart's office. I'll call ahead so she's expecting you two."

"Sure thing Coach!"

"Uh, I can walk myself," Petra tried to say, though it came out more like 'Uh, Ah ca'h wahk mysehph', clearly annoyed at having not even been consulted. She took over pinching her nose from Sam. Really, it had already stopped bleeding, but that was hardly normal. Sam took a step closer to Peter, glowering but silent.

"Alexander! Go get cleaned up!" Coach snapped.

"Sure thing, Coach," Sam said, eyes still on Peter. He gave Petra's shoulder a squeeze and headed towards the locker room.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

84 Due to a 'computer glitch' their whole team had lockers set away from their classmates.

85 Peter's looks were extremely expressive. It helped immensely with the whole masked vigilante side gig he had going on.

86 The pace they set was still in the top tenth percentile of their overall graduating class.

87 No matter how much core work he did he couldn't seem to get rid of his tummy. It didn't matter that Peter and Luke were only technically human and their abs were basically unachievable. Danny was human and his abs were crazy defined. Even though his abs were strong, he still hated his stupid tummy.


	19. Spider-Girl Menace Endangers New Yorkers

_**Revisions:**_ _Edited for FanFiction dot Net 11/17/2015._

Previously…

 _Sam took a step closer to Peter, glowering but silent._

 _"Alexander! Go get cleaned up!" Coach snapped._

 _"Sure thing, Coach," Sam said, eyes still on Peter. He gave Petra's shoulder a squeeze and headed towards the locker room._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 19: Spider-Girl Menace Endangers New Yorkers!**_

Mary Jane walked up with Harry to the team's table. Usually, on Wednesdays Peter sat away from the team, with just MJ and Harry. Peter and Petra weren't back from the nurse's office yet.

"Hey Sam, sorry to ask you last minute like this, but Alex didn't submit his art in time for the Friday paper. I need some drawings and, if you have time, a three panel comic," MJ said as Harry sat down next to Danny.

Sam made noises of agreement through his food that could generously be interpreted as 'Sure thing MJ'. Luke and Ava gazed at him in disgust. MJ rolled her eyes at his antics. He swallowed with a loud gulp and shoved the rest of his meal in his mouth, chewing obnoxiously.

"Gross, man…"

"Disgusting."

Sam chugged down his water and let out a mighty belch. Harry laughed, Mary Jane rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"A truly mighty sound from a body such as yours," Danny teased. Sam stuck out his tongue.

"Real mature, Buckethead," Ava said, rolling her eyes.

"The mature-ist," Sam sassed back. He grabbed his bag and tray as he stood up. Mary Jane smiled apologetically to the table for interrupting their routine.

"Sorry, guys. Gotta make the deadlines!" she said as she followed Sam to the tray return. Sam waved 'goodbye' over his shoulder.

"Oh no, however will we survive," Ava said. Her delivery was a bit dry, but it made the sarcasm all the better.

Mary Jane caught up with Sam at the entrance to the lunch hall.

"So is there a theme for Friday's paper, or something?" Sam asked as they headed towards the journalism room[88].

"School Mascots: Does Midtown High Need One?" Mary Jane replied.

"Right on. I can work with that," Sam nodded.

[***]

Sam didn't see any of his teammates again until the final period of the day. AP Pre-Calculus, which he shared with Peter. And probably Petra now. Drawing the potential mascots for the school had been fun enough, and making a short comic was nice. He had naively thought it would be the most exciting thing to happen until training.

Peter and Petra weren't talking. At all.

Not only were they not talking to each other, Peter kept glaring at her with his I-want-to-punch-you-in-your-stupid-face-but-I'm-better-than-that look. Sam was unfortunately quite familiar with that one. It was usually followed up later with his oh-boy-we're-training-I-actually-get-to-punch-you-in-the-face look. Though that look was more implied due to the mask, but still.

Sam tried to get Peter's attention. A more miss than hit effort on the best of days. Which this was not turning out to be. The fact that Peter was making it obvious that he was ignoring him on purpose made it worse than usual. Petra wasn't any better. She just looked sadly at him, as if trying to beg his forgiveness for some awful thing. Which wasn't helpful because how could he forgive her for something if he didn't even know what it was and she wouldn't _flark'ng_ tell him?

He was going to implode from the **not knowing**.

When the bell rang, Peter was out the door before it even finished. Giving Peter up as a lost cause, Sam turned to Petra. She refused to meet his eyes for longer than half a second at a time and was dragging her feet and moving like a tggax [89].

"Webby, what's up with you and Webs?"

"I fucked up, bad," Petra muttered, looking down at her shoes as she followed Sam out of class. Sam stared at her in surprise. He had **never** heard Peter swear, not **real** swears anyways. Not even in another language. It was always his ridiculous made up, kiddy swears.

"Soooo, he's **not** still mad about dodgeball, then? 'Cause that was really all on me. I shouldn't have egged you on, and I should've had your back."

Petra shook her head 'no' but didn't say anything else. Sam tried again to get her to explain but she just sighed and said, "I'll explain in detention."

With that, they were at his locker. He rushed through switching out his books, eager to figure out what in the Nine Hells of The Cursed One was going on. When they finally reached Petra's locker, Peter was still nowhere to be seen. The team was already waiting, tense and quiet.

After some very awkward and uncomfortable waiting, with not even a glimpse of Peter. Petra sighed again and started for the detention hall, "He's probably not coming…"

Peter usually wasn't this late on purpose. But he hadn't paged them for backup, either. And anyways, the rest of the team didn't seem worried about his absence. They walked to the detention hall in silence.

[***]

Once the teen superheros had assembled in their temporary training base, Nova couldn't restrain himself any longer.

"What the _flark_ is going on? Where's our other webheaded idiot?"

Spider-Girl sighed and rubbed her face through her mask [90], "I messed up, bad. Really bad. I don't know where Spider-Man is… probably out on patrol. It's where I'd be."

"You could not have known-" Danny began, in an attempt to diffuse the tension on the team.

"That's right! I couldn't have known! I shouldn't have said anything, instead I went and opened my stupid mouth and fucked everything up!"

"Hey, man, it's-"

"It's not ok Power Man! Sam and Ava have families that are in danger because of me! Aunt May, or even MJ, could get hurt bad! Or, or worse! Because I'm too fucking stupid and just assumed Harry and Peter were close like Harriet and me!"

"OK, that sucks, but would someone tell me what the fuck happened?! What **about** Harry and Webs? And also seriously, Harriet?" Sam's outburst was ruined by his snickering over Harriet's name.

"This isn't funny Nova! Harry Osborne knows we're superheroes!" Ava snapped. Sam's snickering quieted down.

"Ah, jeeze that **is** lame," Sam agreed, then cocked his head and looked at White Tiger, "SHIELD isn't guarding your fam?"

"No!" Ava snarled, then took a deep breath and let it go, "My sister can take care of herself. Dad trained us all. And she's training my nieces, too. I guess... I need to call her tonight. Let her know to be extra vigilant..."

Petra's shoulders sagged, but she said nothing.

"If she is hesitant to trust agents of SHIELD perhaps my brothers in faith would be better received," Danny offered quietly.

"Thanks Iron Fist," Ava said with a nod his way.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have stayed, I should've demanded Dr. Strange send me back. God, and Sam, your dad, no dammit, your mom and sister-"

"Oh, they're dead," Sam said with a wave of his hand. His teammates gaped at him in shock, "Yeah, SHIELD disappeared them, um, almost two years ago now? It was part of my contract. I mean, it really sucks because I can't visit. But we still video chat!"

Iron Fist sighed, Power man palmed his face in frustration, White Tiger massaged the bridge of her nose through her mask.

"Nova…" Spider-Girl groaned.

"Hmmmmm?" Sam spun about until he was facing her, floating upside down.

"Are you always like..."she gestured to all of him, "This?"

Sam grinned and, still upside down, put his hands on his hips and stuck out his chest, "Oh, this is one hundred percent me, all the ways and all the times!"

"Lovely," Petra muttered sarcastically.

"He kind of grows on you," Ava added, shaking her head. Sam beamed, the Nova Force growing brighter.

"Yeah, like a fungus," Power Man said.

"Hey!"

"And yet some fungus are valued more highly than the resources upon which they grow," Iron Fist reflected.

Spider-Girl snorted in amusement at Sam's puzzled frown, "Alright! White Tiger, boys, let's kick some LMD butts!"

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

88 Printing press and modern publishing software donated courtesy of the Daily Bugle.

89 A slow, sad animal native to Xandar. Whose method of survival relied entirely on being so pathetic predators felt sorry for it.

90 A new, blue one. Her suit had been finished and waiting, tailored to her specifications. Though they had flipped the color scheme on her, blue where it should be red and red where it should be blue. It would take some getting used to.


	20. Is Nova a Hooligan? New Yorkers Speak!

Previously...

 _"OK, that sucks, but would someone tell me what the fuck happened?! What about Harry and Webs? And also seriously, Harriet?" Sam's outburst was ruined by his snickering over Harriet's name._

 _"This isn't funny Nova! Harry Osborne knows we're superheroes!" Ava snapped._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **20 Is Nova a Hooligan? New Yorkers Speak!**_

Sam was still half asleep when he registered the targeting AR of his helmet was pinging Spider-Man on the other end of his aim. Spider-Man was frozen halfway through the window, curtains blowing in from the chilly night breeze.

"It's me! Don't shoot!"

"Uh, sorry Webs," Sam mumbled. The blue glow dimmed as he dropped his arms back to his sides, "How, uh, how was patrol?"

Spider-Man hopped inside and pulled the window closed.

"Good. It was good. Stopped some muggings, an attempted rape, a few carjackings…"

Sam dropped back to his feet, the only light now coming from the alarm clock and his too blue eyes.

"That's, uh, good. Good," Sam said, then yawned. Peter pulled off his mask and ran a hand through his long hair, leaving it mussed.

er pulled back, rubbing at his face, drying it on his sleeve. Sam reached up to cup his cheek, Peter leaned into the touch.

"When did you go to an alternate dimension?"

"Well, if you didn't interrupt me last night I would have told you, Webhead," Sam said, lips quirking in a half smile. Peter looked at him sadly.

"Aw, jeeze, Pete. Don't look at me like that. I'm just giving you a hard time," Sam said, immediately regretting his stupid lack of brain to mouth filter. Sam started petting Peter's hair, messing it up further. Peter's eyes drifted shut. He sighed sadly as he leaned into Sam's petting.

"I really am a crap friend. I'm sorry, Sam," Peter said, voice soft and rough.

"No. You aren't a bad friend."

Peter opened his eyes and gave him his best 'Sam-is-speaking-nonsense-but-I-will-humor-him-because-he's-second-in-command' look (91).

Sam smiled back at him.

"You are kind of a dick, I'm not saying you aren't," Sam allowed. Peter huffed, then leaned forward. Sam continued his petting as Peter rested against Sam's shoulder. "That doesn't matter. I'm way more of a dick than you, and people still like me," Peter hummed agreeably, 'You're a really nice guy. Like a for real nice guy, and funny! I mean, yeah, your puns are literally the worst, not gonna lie. But you're cute when you giggle at your own lame jokes," Peter shrugged and wiggled against Sam, hiding his blush against his neck, 'And you really care. Like, you care a lot, so much. It really comes through, even when you're blowing us off," Peter mumbled indistinctly against Sam's neck, "Dude, don't give me that shit. You care so much you nearly get yourself killed at least twice a week for asshole strangers. And, and…" Sam clutched Peter to him in a tight hug, "and if Harry can't see that then he doesn't deserve you as a friend!"

Peter stayed quiet. After a moment Sam resumed his petting. They stayed like that for some time.

"Webs, you're kinda heavy for a nerdy guy," Sam said. Peter nuzzled against his neck, "My legs are getting numb from your— aaaaaannnd you're asleep, aren't you?"

Peter mumbled sleepily back, "Nuh uh, 'm not 'sleep."

"Flarking great. You know, just once, once! It'd be nice if I could sleep, in my own bed, uninterrupted, through the whole night. With covers!"

"Mmm hmm," Peter seemed to agree. Staying clinging tightly to Sam regardless. Sam flopped back on the bed with a noisy sigh. Peter followed him down. Squirming around, Sam tried to get comfortable. Half asleep, Peter nibbled at his neck.

"Webs! Stop it!" Sam barked. The nibbling stopped, but Peter remained firmly latched against him. Legs finally up on the bed, Sam adjusted his boxers and sighed again, "At least you're basically a space heater."

Peter hummed sleepy agreement.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

91 Subtly but distinctly different from his 'Sam-is-speaking-nonsense-but-I-will-humor-him-because-he's-super-adorable-like-seriously-is-that-one-of-his-superpowers-or-what' look.


	21. Spider-Man's Mad Growls Terrorize!

Previously...

 _Sam flopped back on the bed with a noisy sigh. Peter followed him down. Squirming around, Sam tried to get comfortable. Half asleep, Peter nibbled at his neck._

 _"Webs! Stop it!" Sam barked. The nibbling stopped, but Peter remained firmly latched against him. Legs finally up on the bed, Sam adjusted his boxers and sighed again, "At least you're basically a space heater."_

 _Peter hummed sleepy agreement._

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 21: Spider-Man's Mad Growls Terrorize! Steals Food From Good Citizens**_

Sam woke up shivering, personal space heater, aka Peter Parker, missing. The bed was still warm though. He made an 'ew-yuck' face at the tacky-crunchy feeling of dried snot and tears on his skin. He could hear the sound of running water.

He sat up, yawning and stretching. If Peter was showering this early he was probably going to head out on patrol. Normally, Sam would happily sleep in, but with this whole mess involving Harry and their identities… Sam rolled out of bed and grabbed his helmet.

He hastily threw his plain clothes for school together into his sports bag. He slung it around his shoulders and pulled on his helmet, bag and night clothes disappearing in a blue-white flash. Should he risk grabbing a bite for breakfast? Peter usually didn't take that long in the shower, and he was usually out without even a 'see ya later' when he was really worked up.

Sam's stomach growled, and his helmet radiated stern disapproval at his thought of skipping breakfast. Sam sighed, then peeked out the door. No one in the hallway. He flitted down to the kitchen in a blue blur. He grabbed some fruit off the counter and a few homemade, peanut free, granola bars. He stuffed them in his space suit's pockets [92], and darted back upstairs.

The shower had stopped running and the window was open. Peter usually closed it behind him though, huh.

Sam floated outside and quietly pulled the window closed. His helmet's HUD pinged 'Spider-Man' up on the roof. He hovered up above him. Peter, fully suited up, was sitting in his 'spider crouch' on the chimney, face turned towards the eastern horizon.

"Show off," Spider-Man muttered as Sam 'reclined' against the air next to him.

"It's okay to be jealous Webs. Just between us, we both know my powers are the coolest," Sam said with a smirk. Then another yawn overcome him and he stretched out his arms and legs, arching his back. The soft glow ever present when Sam used the Nova Force to fly, became even softer with his yawn. Spider-Man turned his head to watch Nova stretch, then turned back to the night sky as Sam finished.

"Oh, hey! Look! The star is out!" Peter said, pointing at a bright light in the sky.

Sam frowned and tilted his head, looking towards the light, "Sorry, Webs, that's no star. It's a plane."

Peter drooped with disappointment, "Aw, really?"

"MMMmmm-yep. United, Boeing 767 descending into Newark from Edinburgh, about three hundred and seventy civilians on board," Sam said, casually rattling off the data from his HUD.

"About? What, your space powers can't be more exact?" Peter teased.

"Pshh, of course! But it's over American airspace and technically a violation of their privacy rights, so nya," Sam said, sticking out his tongue.

"Mature," Peter said, as he tilted his head and moved his shoulders in such a way that Sam definitely felt his eye roll from behind his mask.

They 'sat', perched on the chimney and floating in the sky, in an easy silence. Eyes tracking the plane together across the night sky. At a rather loud growl from Peter's stomach, Sam pulled a banana and two granola bars from his pocket. He tossed the two granola bars Peter's way and started peeling his banana.

Peter caught the granola bars effortlessly. He rolled up his mask to reveal his mouth and chomped down the first bar in two big bites. Sam nibbled at the tip of his banana, looking off towards the city skyline. Peter chewed noisily for a moment, then crammed the second bar in his mouth. A few more noisy chomps later, he swallowed the mouthful in one big gulp. Sam absentmindedly mouthed the tip before taking his bite. Peter let loose a mighty belch.

"Hah, nice," Sam said, around his mouthful of fruit.

Peter grinned and held out his hands as if receiving applause from an imaginary audience, "Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all night!"

Sam chuckled and continued eating his banana at his leisurely pace. Peter's stomach growled again.

"Uh… got anything else, Buckethead?" Peter asked sheepishly. Sam snorted and reached into his pocket, pulling out another banana.

Peter plucked it out of his hand and started peeling it. Sam swallowed his current mouthful of sweet fruit, almost absently he said, "You know MJ has a massive lady boner for Spider-Man, right?"

Half a banana went flying at Sam's declaration, as Peter flailed in surprise. He made alarmed, strangled noises as he unintentionally tried to choke on his own spit. Sam reached out with his free hand to slap his back.

"Webs, you okay? I think I've got something to drink in this suit, besides warm water, I mean," Sam said after swallowing his food. He crammed the rest of the banana in his mouth and reached into his suit pockets, rummaging around. After a few moments he pulled out a liter bottle of violently violet liquid. Opening it he shoved it at Peter.

Peter drank a good third of it before pulling the bottle away and staring at the label.

"Don't worry, it's just _ngbok_ juice."

Peter studied the bottle, it was some kind of clear plastic. The label had at least two different scripts on it, possibly even three. A spiny, purple-black-pink berry cluster was displayed prominently.

"Sooo, space blackberries?" Peter asked with a frown, turning the bottle this way and that as he examined it. Sam laughed.

"Pfft, dude, no way. Did you even taste it?"

Peter took a mouthful of juice and held it there, thinking. He swallowed it down with a gulp, "Yeah, no. Nothing like blackberries. Not as sweet, little more sour."

"Yeah, it's everywhere this quadrant. Grows well in micrograv aeroponics and tastes okay to great for basically all carbon based life," Sam added, then with another chuckle, "And blackberries are a Terran Delicacy," Sam carefully pronounced the capital letters for extra emphasis, "They're super expensive out there. That cheap body splash Petra got is easily worth a few hundred units. Even more to the right buyer."

Peter turned his head to stare at Sam. Sam tilted his head as if in question. Peter offered him back his juice.

"You really do talk about space all the time," Peter said.

Sam took his juice and raised the bottle in a mocking toast, "Nice of you to finally notice, Webs."

Peter looked away, wringing his hands together and sighing.

"So. MJ. Lady boner. Spider-man," Sam said after a long draught of juice. He gestured with the bottle, "You want I should say something to her for you or—"

"We've dated before, it was weird," Peter cut him off. Sam shrugged, surprised.

"Okay, I'll try to convince her it's not in the stars," Sam said, offering the juice back to Peter. Peter took it and finished it off, tilting his head back as he chugged it down. Sam admired the fine lines of his throat as he swallowed.

"Ready for patrol?" Spider-Man asked, flattening the bottle as he stood up.

"Yeah! Let's go!" Nova said, flying about Spider-Man in an excited loop.

"Just a secs, uh sec!" Spider-Man said, taking aim at the recycling bin with the squashed bottle.

"Loser does the winner's chores for the weekend! See you at Throggs Neck, Webs!" Nova called, racing away north, out of Queens.

"Nova, you Buckethead! You'll be doing double duty this weekend, you wait!"

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

92 Pocket pocket dimensions were extremely handy.


	22. Spider-Man Steals Children's Toys!

Previously...

 _"Loser does the winner's chores for the weekend! See you at Throggs Neck, Webs!" Nova called, racing away north, out of Queens._

 _"Nova, you Buckethead! You'll be doing double duty this weekend, you wait!"_

* * *

 _Now..._

 _ **Chapter 22: Spider-Man Steals Children's Toys! Nova Tries to Stop Menace!**_

"Hah! In your face, Buckethead!" Spider-Man cried out as he just arrived at their designated patrol point in Throggs Neck. Nova a few seconds behind him. He had scared some vandals away from the temple in Flushing, and saved some careless pedestrians from becoming street pizza in Whitestone.

"Yeah, well, you take too long to do chores," Nova said with a huff. Spider-Man did a dance, still sideways on the brick wall of the alleyway. Sam crossed his arms and looked away, hiding his smile at Peter's ridiculous antics.

"I only take too long because you cheat with your glowy glow," Peter said, flipping his hand in dismissal of Sam's point.

"You're just jealous of my awesome powers," Sam said, Nova Force glowing brighter with his boasting. Peter made a rude sound at that and leapt away, running across the rooftops. Sam floated along beside him, "It's okay, Webs, I know it's true. Anyways, I bet I helped more people on the way here."

"Oh yeah? Well I bet I—" Spider-Man began, only to be cut off by the screams of terrified citizens. Nova and Spider-Man adjusted course immediately, heading for the sounds of trouble. The shrill shriek of 'Bears! Help!' carried over the indistinct screaming.

"Five bucks on Grizzly," Sam said. Referring to the power suited two bit super villain still on the loose.

"What would Grizzly be doing out here though? Five bucks on actual grizzlies," Peter countered. Smoke rose up above the roofline as they approached.

"I dunno Webs, it's lookin' like…" Nova started gloating, then trailed off at the preposterous site before them.

"It's looking like we're both wrong," Spider-Man said with a shake of his head.

Bodies large and small lay where they had fallen. Traffic had stopped, with many of the vehicles rear ended into each other. Horns blared through the panicked yelling of the fleeing people, a young child cried over the still body of their mother. The smoke was rising up from a laser pierced SUV.

Advancing through the mess was a small horde of fuzzy, fluffy plush 'bucky' bears.

Nova and Spider-Man shared a look, communicating their plan without words. Nova shot over the bears, sending weak blasts their way and flaring his glow bright.

"Hey! Fluff for brains!" he shouted, drawing the fuzzy, tiny, mechanical creatures attentions.

Spider-Man leapt stealthily away towards the crying child. The most obvious still conscious civilian needing to be removed from the zone of threat.

The fluffy robots cried out with an awful racket at Nova's assault. Some of them blasted the glowing superhero with eye lasers. Nova spun about and posed with his hands on his hips, puffing out his chest and laughing as they blasted him.

"You tryin' to tickle me to death?" he taunted them, keeping their attention while Spider-Man continued carrying the downed civilians out of the fighting. Nova pointed and blasted a smattering of bear-bots into scorched scrap, "You're gonna need to do better than that!"

The cute little army cried out at this, raising their voices into a bizarre chorus that spawned a sickly green glow. They pointed their mouths up and spat out a searing plasma ball Nova's way.

"Ah, _flark_ ," Nova muttered, he reached out and caught the plasma ball. The sickly green glow washing out to a healthy blue as he focused, "Alright you _khtl'hxt'che_ [94]! You think you're hot stuff, but you ain't hotter than me!"

Checking through his HUD that no civilians would be caught in the blast, he flung the super heated energy-matter ball at the adorable army. The little terrors weren't able to completely escape the blast radius in time, though some did get far enough away to 'save' themselves from total ablation. They screeched and wailed, limbs flailing and heads spinning as they burned and melted.

"Well, that's not creepy at all," Spider-Man said from his perch on a nearby street lamp. Sirens screamed in the distance, first responders finally inbound, "Annnnd that's our cue! C'mon Buckethead, let's get!"

Nova dropped down to the pile of slagged, charred robots and pulled something out of it.

"Um, I think we need to call in SHIELD. This," Nova waved a still undamaged bit of tech about, "shouldn't have survived that…"

"Well, unless there's more stuff we can run and talk, Space Cadet," Spider-Man said, leaping to a roof and bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet with impatience. Nova tilted his head, then scanned the scene.

"Nah, we're good. Let's jam!" Nova said, pocketing the device and blasting off.

[***]

They passed a not yet opened traveling fair, the rides running empty for maintenance and tasty smells not yet tempting passerbys. It would have been another site in a city full of them, if Sam's helmet hadn't drawn his attention to the prizes in the midway booths.

"Webs, hold up," Nova said, slowing down to a hover and turning to face the fair.

"Nova we don't have time for a questionably trustworthy spring carnival," Spider-Man said, crouched on a roof corner and clearly annoyed.

"I know, I know," Nova said with a dismissive wave of his hand, "But look."

Spider-Man followed Nova's hand to the midway prizes. Some rather familiar looking bucky bears were lined up in droves as the 'small' sized prize at many of the booths.

"Oh, good catch," Spider-Man said with an approving nod, body language immediately changing just before he started roof running towards the midway booths. The distance between the last roof and the carnival was too far for a jump, and there was nothing really to swing against out here. He leapt off the roof anyways, arms held slightly out. Nova caught him under his arms and flew them to the game booths.

"Looks like all the bears out right now are normal, ummm, some of the chickens are definitely not and a few…" Sam tilted his head as he let Peter go over a booth's roof, "dogs?"

Peter landed lightly, and turned to look at the prize plushies.

"I think that's supposed to be a fox?" Spider-Man said after a moment.

"Whatever, can your weird spider powers tell you which ones are bad news?" Sam said, pointing with the Nova Force. Power weakened to be a simple light pointer. Spider-Man leapt over to the booth, flipping upside down onto the ceiling in his 'spider crouch'.

He studied the singled out fluffy chickie plushie then shook his head.

"Nope, no Spidey-sense from this one. Must be because they're dormant," Peter said.

"Lame, well, hang on. I'll round them up and we can take them to the nearest SHIELD base," Nova said, then flitted away down the midway. Spider-Man grabbed the chicken plush and flipped up to the roof.

"Toss 'em to me, Buckethead!" Spider-Man called as Nova zoomed his way, loaded down with red and yellow plush robo-critters. Nova dropped his load into Spider-Man's waiting arms.

"You got it, Webs!"

Spider-Man carefully stuck the evil plushes together with his webs, making sure none of them would break free on their run to the nearest SHIELD facility.

"What are you doing up there?" a confused attendant said, then seeing Spider-Man with a veritable tower of toys screamed up at him, "You menace! Those are for the children! Give those back! Get out of here you creep!"

"Whuh-oh! Time to amscray!" Spider-Man said to himself, leaping away from the distraught attendant and running along the midway booth roofs towards Nova. He webbed up a net and stuck it to himself, then webbed up another net and snared the toys Nova was carrying as he ran past him.

Nova flew after him, snickering just barely loud enough for Peter to hear.

"You catch that menace Nova! Give him what for!" the attendant's shouting faded as they sped away.

"You just can't catch a break, can you Webs?" Nova asked, still suppressing his laughter at Peter's unfortunate reputation with the locals.

"It's that Parker luck," Peter groaned.

"Cheer up web for brains, it isn't all bad luck!" Sam said brightly. Glow perking up with his attempt at good cheer.

"Hah, as if," Peter scoffed.

"Hehehe, you're just mad 'cause New York likes me more. It's cool, I understand, I am awesome," Nova bragged. He twisted about, reclining with his arms behind his head as he flew. Spider-Man ran along next to him, quiet for a ways.

"Yeah, you **are** awesome. I wouldn't have noticed these creepy animatronics at that lame fair on my own," Spider-Man said with honesty. Nova's glow flared and dimmed at Spider-Man's declaration. Sam's heart soaring with Peter's praise.

"Uh, thanks, Webs," Sam said weakly, nearly missing the alley with the hidden SHIELD entrance in his distraction.

Peter grunted in response, then leapt down into the alley, "We're here."

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

 **Footnotes:**

94 Many, non gendered, little hxt which are a kind of very fluffy, extremely annoying, extremely adorable egg laying animal that inhabits nearly all space faring species orbital installations and transports.


	23. Toy 'Tronic Terrors Terrorize!

Previously…

" _Yeah, you_ _ **are**_ _awesome. I wouldn't have noticed these creepy animatronics at that lame fair on my own," Spider-Man said with honesty. Nova's glow flared and dimmed at Spider-Man's declaration. Sam's heart soaring with Peter's praise._

" _Uh, thanks, Webs," Sam said weakly, nearly missing the alley with the hidden SHIELD entrance in his distraction._

 _Peter trunted in response, the leapt down into the alley, "We're here."_

 _ **23 Toy 'Tronic Terrors Terrorize!**_

 _Now..._

Spider-Man dropped down into the nondescript alley, Nova overshot. He darted back, hovering so as to appear the same height as the taller superhero. Spider-Man tapped his invisible wrist comm to a nondescript brick. A door wide enough to allow a vehicle through opened soundlessly up in the wall.

The two teen superheroes entered, the door sliding closed behind them. Spider-Man looked about the busy facility, spying a promising looking, labcoated agent he leapt over to her. She startled and nearly dropped her StarkPad as he landed on the ceiling above her. Nova followed, arms crossed over his chest.

"Happy birthday~! We won these just for youuuuuu~," Spider-Man sang, lowering the webbed up menaces to the unsuspecting SHIELD technician.

"Oh, um, th-thank you? Spider-Man?" she stuttered in surprise.

"You're welcome pretty doctor lady~! Bye-bye~!" he sang again, blowing her a kiss before leaping away.

"Enjoy your terror toys, catch ya' later!" Nova smirked at her, giving a little wave. He followed Spider-Man to the local SHIELD branch manager, extra sparkling as he flew.

The SHIELD scientist stared at the plushes with trepidation, blush fading, "Terror toys?"

Meeting with the SHIELD agent in charge of this zone about the dangerous robots potentially on the loose and still at the fair, the two teens had a new mission. Nova had not at all been sad that they got to skip school with not only permission to go to a carnival, but funding from SHIELD to ensure all of the fake toys were recovered.

Honestly Spider-Man wasn't that torn up about skipping school either, but being the team leader he had to set a good example. Especially for Sam, who was notoriously lazy with his schoolwork. Peter congratulated himself on making an impressive, to himself, speech on responsibility and hard work for SHIELD and Sam's benefit. Sam rolled his eyes behind his helmet and slouched lazily while Spider-Man gestured grandly from the ceiling.

Point having been made to Peter's content, they were now roof running back to the traveling fair. Well, he was roof running. Sam was flying with apparent ease next to him. Nova and Spider-Man dropped down into a secluded alley near the fairgrounds and Sam and Peter walked out towards the carnival.

The fair was not that crowded by New Yorker standards, but it was plenty packed with people. The entrance arch to the midway was perfectly aligned for selfies. Which was convenient since the new apps installed on their phones courtesy of SHIELD could scan images for traces of the weird tech found in the animatronic bears.

Sam bumped up against Peter and raised his phone, taking plenty of pictures. Both of the midway game booths behind them and of themselves. Peter grumbled but stuck next to Sam for the pictures. Amateur photography session completed, they both leaned over the phone. The SHIELD app circled three large areas that needed further investigation.

"Looks like we got most of them earlier," Peter mumbled, mostly to himself. Sam bumped shoulders with him playfully.

"What do you mean **we**? I seem to remember doing all the work this morning," Sam said plainly, smirking wide.

"Ugh! You gays with your PDA, get outta tha way, queers!" an aged man in a fanny pack and Yankees ball cap snapped with a glare.

Sam scowled and shoved his phone in his pocket. Before he could get out of the way and on to work, Peter wrapped his arm around his waist. Sam tried to pull away but Peter's arm was like iron. Warm, smooth and surprisingly soft iron. But either way it wasn't moving. Peter rubbed their cheeks together. Sam froze, blushing and trapped against Peter's too warm body.

"Oh honey, those was just the best selfies! You gotta text them to my StarkPhone so I can share 'em on my Marvelbook!" Peter fawned. Sam opened and closed his mouth. Nothing came out. Peter giggled extra cutely and shoved his hand into Sam's back pocket. Sam might have squeaked, he wasn't sure^95.

"I just! I can't believe! The nerve of you people!" the man floundered at their shameless display of technological comfort and apparently mutual affection. Peter used his arm around Sam's waist to steer him away, towards the game booth aisle. Peter obviously cupped his glutes through his pocket, for all to see. The man's enraged sputtering still reached them over the crowd noise. They passed a food stand serving funnel cakes and pizza.

"Oh, I hope they have those coney dogs honey! You know how much I love a juicy sausage!"

"Hnn, ghk, Pete!" Sam squawked, turning red. The enraged sputtering behind them faded as they walked away. Peter kept his hand firmly on Sam's butt until they were well into the crowd.

"When do you even work out?" Peter asked, moving his hand from Sam's back pocket to the slightly more appropriate location of his hip, thumb hooked in his belt loop. His genuine, not at all skeevy tone flustered Sam all the more.

"Yuh, guh, ah, ummmm. Yoga and skateboarding with Aunt May," he finally got out.

The first suspicious area was a good ways into the midway. Sam had time to attempt to collect himself from the surprise butt groping and unexpected affections of his crush. Until Peter spotted a wandering entertainer making the rounds down the midway path. A perfect excuse for pictures of the suspicious booths.

"Oh honey, how charming! A stilt walker!" Peter said, voice sugary sweet as he spun them around and posed for selfies. Sam flushed nearly red at the feel of Peter's body lined up behind him. Warm and firm and his chin resting on top of his head while he snapped pictures with his free hand, his other arm wrapped around Sam's chest.

Sam worked his mouth, trying to respond. Only tiny little noises of stress escaped. Peter dropped his arm down and scanned through the pictures.

"Looks like there's just five booths left, good job earlier," Peter said, breath ghosting over Sam's ear. Peter's praise combined with the warm, tickling feel of his breath against such a sensitive spot did nothing to help him regain his figurative balance

"Ye-yeah, uh, yeah! Of course it was a good job!" Sam said, puffing up his chest a bit and visibly preening, "I mean, **I** did it!"

"Yeah, sure, Buckethead," Peter said, amused. He put his phone away and straightened up, "Ok, milk can pyramids first for a crazy chicken, then balloon pop for a couple of baby bonkers bucky bears, basketball for a frisky fox then sharp shooting for the final fuzzy foxy."

"What absolutely awful alliterations, all _aechx'naz^_ 96," Sam said with a roll of his eyes.

"Wow, did you just word play in **moon language** and you're giving **me** a hard time? That's cold," Peter said stepping back and placing a hand to his chest, miming a 'direct hit'. Sam grinned.

"Like space," he smirked, "Absolutely cold."

Peter sighed and shook his head, "A bit weak, four out of ten, needs improvement."

Sam shrugged.

"Whatever, let's go hit some jugs with some balls," he snickered, walking over to the first booth. Peter followed him with a roll of his eyes.

With his super strength Peter easily won the milk jug game, knocking over all of the stacked pyramids. He did, in fact, do **too** well and won a normal large red fox. Sam was able to successfully win the currently dormant robot chicken.

The balloon pop had been a fun tie between them. They had easily won the two bucky bears, as well as a few other small prizes that that attendant put in a small bag for them.

The basketball game had been trickier. Most of the basketballs were over inflated so they couldn't fit through the hoops. Sam won a regular bucky bear for his efforts. Peter succeeded in winning the animatronic fox when he got his over inflated basketball stuck in the hoop using his super strength.

Peter and Sam gave away their regular plushes to a passing family on their way to the sharp shooting game booth. The brunette mother was struggling with a crying baby, while the dark haired father tried to wrangle a screaming toddler. Their rather flustered black haired, waif thin son was trying his best to help his dad and younger brother.

"Here you go kid!" Peter said blithely as he gave away his fox to the rather nerdy preteen. Sam smiled and handed the little bear to the mom, and offered the bag of toddler safe toys to the dad.

"Oh, thank you!" the father said, relieved. His middle son quieted down, staring at the two teen boys before eagerly digging through his goodie bag.

"That's so kind of you boys, thank you so much!" the mother said with a smile. The oldest son blushed and hid his face behind the the plush fox.

"Thank you very much," he said quietly, talking into the toy and ears turning pink from embarrassment.

Sam and Peter waved off their thanks with a breezy 'no problem' and continued on to the sharpshooter game booth. Peter's arm once again around Sam's waist, thumb in his belt loop.

"What a nice couple, Jeff," they heard the mom begin to say before they were too far away through the crowd, only Peter heard the continuation, "Billy, help your brother open his treats would you dear?"

"Alright Webs! Prepare to be defeated!" Sam boasted, distracting him from the rest of his unintended superpowered eavesdropping.

"Hah, as if!" Peter said, pulling Sam in for a noogie, "You're the one that's gonna get it!"

Sam made tiny noises of distress as he struggled against Peter's superior strength. He finally managed to squeak out, "W-webs! Cut it out!"

Peter let him go immediately.

"Heh, sorry," Peter mumbled.

Sam huffed and tried to fix his hair as Peter approached the game attendant.

"Two games, please!" he requested.

"I'm gonna get that stupid fox!" Sam said with confidence.

"Hah! You wish! **I'm** gonna get that fox!" Peter said.

"Oh-hoh! Two hot shots! Well, well, here are your cards," the attendant said, clipping small white notecards with red stars in the center in front of their stations, "Shoot out the star and win a prize, you get two cards each. Shoot out both stars and win the grand prize!"

"I don't see any 'grand prizes' out here," Peter said with a suspicious stare.

"You boys are in luck, we're almost out of the big girls but I've got one on the way here now!" the attendant promised, "assuming you can punch out the stars!"

"I can do it!" Sam said confidently. Peter bumped his shoulder against Sam's, frowning.

"Ah, hah, well, maybe I can do it," Sam allowed. He carefully watched the attendant load the beebees in the air guns. Peter took his air gun with some trepidation.

Sam took his weapon easily. He braced his arms against the booth and took careful aim. Peter pointed his air gun unbraced and looked down the 'sights'. His shoulders were stiff.

"Ah! Thwip!" Peter yelped, not realizing the air gun was fully automatic and wasting most of his rounds in one go. The center of the star was shot out, but the tips still showed.

"Smooth," Sam snorted sarcastically.

"Hey! I shot it out!" Peter defended. But Sam was shaking his head 'no' even as the attendant put on a professional expression of apology.

"Sorry man, you've gotta get all the red out!" The attendant said, pointing at a fully shot out card taped up on the booth wall next to him.

"Aw, nertz," Peter sulked.

Sam once again took careful aim and this time took his shot. His beebees punched out a rough circle around the first star. The paper circle fell out and wafted to the ground. There was no red left.

"Woah, nice shooting 'Tex'!" the attendant praised.

"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome. But I really want that fox right there," Sam said, pointing at the fake plush.

"Sorry, Tex, if you punch out two stars you get the grand prize. It's the rules," the attendant said, affecting apology.

Peter tried to shoot out the rest of his first star while Sam was negotiating with the attendant. He ran his air gun dry with his attempt.

"Well you gave it a good ol' college try, you want to get another game?" the attendant said as Peter sat the air gun back on the counter.

"Hey, I still have rounds left! I can punch out his cards and mine!" Sam boasted. The attendant laughed politely.

"Sorry! We're only supposed to allow couples shots at the other's cards, you can still get another game though!"

Peter laughed and rubbed the back of his head at that. Sam stood up and pulled Peter down for a kiss, propping his air gun on his hip. Peter's breath hitched in his throat and he dropped his hands to Sam's waist.

Peter tried to kiss back, using too much tongue. Sam nipped him for his efforts. Peter squeaked, flushing pink from the tips of his ears down his neck. Sam pulled away and looked at the attendant cooly, eyebrow cocked.

Peter leaned into Sam, blinking slowly, mouth half opened.

"Well, okay then, Tex! Go for it," the attendant said with a friendly laugh. Sam gave Peter's chest a little pat. Peter stepped aside, hands dropping away from Sam's hips.

Sam leaned back down into his shooter's crouch, again taking aim with the cheap air gun. Peter's eyes focused on his lean form. He licked his lips as he admired how Sam's stance really showed off his tight muscles.

Sam decisively shot out his own second star. Peter's second star fell out as well. He left the rather ravaged card of Peter's attempt, still with bits of red still on it, untouched.

Sam stood up, setting his air gun carefully on the counter. He put his hands on his hips and beamed a proud smile at Peter. Peter grinned back, cheeks still a bit flushed from their earlier kiss.

The attendant pulled down the dormant animatronic fox and offered it to Peter. He accepted it reflexively.

"We ran out of our grand prizes a few days ago, you know. But we just got another order in this morning, you guys really lucked out!" the attendant said.

Peter grinned widely at Sam, not paying any attention to the employee stepping in from the back of the booth. She was carrying a large, clear plastic wrapped bundle of giant sized purple plush dolls.

"Here they are now!" the booth's attendant said cheerfully. Sam preened under Peter's happy grin. He turned to the attendant to accept his grand prize, oozing smug confidence. Until his eyes landed on the giant purple plush. The prize was almost as tall as he was. He froze.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, SHIELD app warning of a new threat. His heart slammed up in his throat, sweat pouring down his back. The tiny, beady, **robotic** eyes of the fluffy, floppy eared bunny plush pinned him in place.

"Oh snap, Sam, it's uh. At least it isn't red eyed?" Peter attempted to intervene.

" _Hu hu hu Nova'cha, ak'Ain djna'ng-netz wa'Ydar."_

Sam bolted.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

95 He squeaked, Peter heard him. It was incredibly adorable.

96 Xandarian for the things, all of them.


	24. Robot Rabbits Ruin Revelry!

Previously…

 _The tiny, beady,_ _ **robotic**_ _eyes of the fluffy, floppy eared bunny plush pinned him in place._

" _Oh snap, Sam, it's uh. At least it isn't red eyed?" Peter attempted to intervene._

 _Sam's hands shook, lost in memory…_ "Hu hu hu Nova'cha, ak'Ain djna'ng-netz wa'Ydar."

 _Sam bolted._

Now…

 **24** _**Robot Rabbits Ruin Revelry!**_

"Rabbits! Why did it have to be rabbits?" Sam groaned. He slumped against the solid wall behind him. He hadn't been paying attention in his panic and had somehow wound up in the maintenance area of the fairgrounds. It was supposed to be employees only.

Sam looked up. How had he even gotten here?

"Shit, ugh I need to…" he started to complain to himself, then trailed off as his phone vibed the 'new threat' pattern from the SHIELD app. Frowning, he unlocked it and pulled it from his pocket.

"Huh, that's weird," he muttered. Checking the app, it looked like there was quite a lot of something suspicious inside. He tried the nearby door. It was unlocked. He stepped inside.

There were crates of opened OsCorp tech. Animatronic frames in various stages of assembly were strewn about. Most of them were quite large. The smaller ones seemed to have been tossed aside, neglected.

"Did you finish your mission already sad little en pee cee~?" a young, male voice rang out. Sam switched apps to text messaging and started swiping.

"Don't you worry en pee cee~! I built a new rig for you~! Now you get to level up and become a full fledged pee cee, oh, oh, pee cees get names~! What will I call my new player?" the same voice called out in a rather villainous sing song. Then abruptly, close by, "Who the heck are you?"

Sam looked up, sending what he'd typed and locking his phone. He put on his best confused and scared totally normal teenager expression. It was pretty convincing.

"What-what's going on here? Are these for a new ride? I'm sorry I got lost and the door was open and-" he started rambling backing away and raising up his hands. Affecting surrender.

The preteen boy that found him had on the tackiest outfit Sam had ever had the misfortune to see. Which was really saying something as not a whole lot of cosmic species were big on fashion sense.

"Ohhhhh ho ho~! A new player has entered the game~!" the carrot-red haired boy sang, he held up a large controller and pressed a few buttons on it. Sam charged him, fast, fluid. The younger boy flinched away instinctively from the assault.

Sam seized up in fear and crashed headlong into the fully functioning animatronic rabbit that the villain leapt behind. After a moment of silence the villain laughed.

"Oh boy~! I can't wait to try out my new game! What should I load do you think?" the boy started saying as a second, even more terrifying half finished robot rabbit picked Sam up and followed its master.

"Hmmmm, decisions decisions…. Oh! _Love Puny_! I haven't played that in ages! That'll be just great!"

* * *

After a rather embarrassing ordeal with the attendant at the shooting booth, Peter was hauling all of their 'prizes' about himself. He grumbled and muttered under his breath. The occasional mumbles to an unseen 'audience' about his ordeals could be heard as he trudged about.

If the robots had not been disguised as plushies he wouldn't have risked carrying them all at once. As it was, a few curious looks were thrown his way. A few children admired his 'winnings' loudly to their parents, but no one really noticed anything unusual. Finally, giving up his search for Sam, Peter found a relatively secluded space and pulled out his phone. He had a text waiting. Dang he hadn't noticed it come in. It was from Sam.

 _Sunshine [10:41am] found something weird over at the_

That was it. Nothing else.

"Snickerdoodle," he cursed to himself. For a moment he dithered between calling Petra or calling Ava, but technically Petra was still second in command. Ava was such a stickler for the rules, too.

"Hey, Sam and I found something out on patrol. Come out to the address I'm gonna text you, bring the team," Peter said as soon as the call connected. He hung up before Petra could get a word in. Peter texted her the address of the building he and Sam had left their super suits at and made his way back there.

"I swear, that buckethead finds more trouble than a toddler," he started mumbling to himself as he left the fair.

* * *

Petra was walking through the fairgrounds, carrying a fox plush and eating a candy apple. Her face was just a little bit sticky from the sweet apple. Spotting Sam walking through the fair, she called out to him.

"Oh, hey Sam! There you are! Peter said something about evil bunny plushies and backup?"

Sam stopped walking, then turned towards her. His motions were stilted and jerky.

"I think he mentioned a rabbit phobia? That's so weird! You'll have to tell me all about it, 'cause Sammy loves rabbits!" Petra tilted her head at him, rather like a confused puppy. Her lips and tongue were red from the candy apple. Sam headed her way, joints moving stiffly, face bland.

"Pete did say he wouldn't have found this place without you!" she rambled on, oblivious to anything strange. Sam reached her and once again went still, as if thinking something over. Or waiting for instructions, "And I haven't been to a fair in ages! They have fresh cooked coney dogs here! And, oh look! Candied apples! It's really good, wanna bite?"

Petra held up the mostly eaten candied apple, just a few bites of candy shell were left. Sam reached up, past the apple and rested his hands on her cheeks.

"...Sam?" she asked, blushing and confused. He pulled her in for an awkward kiss. She let him pull her down and leaned into his lips. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arm around his waist. There was a sudden frission of energy across her lips. Her heart flipped inside her chest.

She gasped and opened her eyes. Blue sparks were fading away from the two of them. Then Sam was jerking away and pulling at his head. He ripped away a suddenly visible circlet of tech, shaking with rage. His usually hazel eyes crackled with too blue energy.

"Arcade!" Sam snarled, then ripped the mind control circlet apart with his bare hands. He was too busy trying to contain himself to notice Petra's crestfallen expression.

"Oh, yeah, of course," she said, then mustered up a fake smile, "Haha, yeah, Arcade is behind all this. Makes sense. I mean, what was I thinking. With the kissing. Hah!"

"That kiss was terrible!" Sam snarled, kicking at broken circuitry and glaring at the ground. Petra blinked rapidly, lips trembling, "I kiss way better than that! That _flark'ng baxteng^_ 97, playing me like a _das't_ video game! I'm gonna! I'm gonna!"

Sam crushed the remains of the scrapped device in his hands, shaking and sparking. Danny approached them both, Sam's roiling life force nearly blinding to the kung fu master.

"Calm your chi, Star Child. Or I fear that you are going to harm us all," Danny said as he approached the smaller teen cautiously. Sam glowered at Danny, as if eager for an excuse to fight. Danny tilted his head, questioning.

Sam gave himself a little shake all over. He closed his eyes and brought his hands before him. He dropped the singed electronics to the ground. He took deep, ragged breaths. The disconcertingly familiar too blue glow fading from behind his eyes as he visibly calmed.

"Arcade is here, he's behind the robots. Stole most of his tech from an OsCorp shipment three days ago," Sam ground out between his still clenched teeth.

"We should inform the others, assemble the team, hurry before he realizes what happened," Petra said, blue eyes gleaming.

Sam looked away, lowering his head in clear shame.

"Yeah, get everyone together. I'll…" Sam swallowed, then visibly steeled himself, "Get me my helmet and I'll disable as many of the 'bots as I can. I saw how he put them together before- Before…"

As Sam shivered and swallowed back bile, Petra's expression hardened.

"This is why boys shouldn't play at superheroing," she began, then bit her tongue and shook her head, "It doesn't matter. Danny, round up the others and tell Peter what's going down. I'll take Sam to get his helmet."

Petra grabbed Sam and hauled him into an empty, narrow alley. Spider-Girl leapt out, carrying Sam bridal style so he could hide his face against her neck.

A quick minute later they were at the roof where Nova and Spider-Man had earlier changed.

She set Sam down. He wasted no time slinging his bag around his shoulders and donning his helmet.

 _/nova 25-kresh-73590248 i am standing by for mission brief/_

 _What? Why are you suddenly chatty cathy?_

 _/i have always began our missions in this way you are only just now developed enough to hear me clearly/_

 _Just read my memories like always, it's faster._

"Nova? Everything ok?" Spider-Girl asked tilting her head, "We gotta get back and stop Arcade."

 _/agreed this arcade criminal is a significant danger to the citizens of earth and must be apprehended immediately/_

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on it," he said, licking his lips. They tasted like candied apples. He stared at Spider-Girl. She gestured at him to get a move on.

He darted down and reached up to her face, rolling up her mask to her nose.

"Nova what are- oh," she said. The Nova Force tingled pleasantly across her lips where Sam was kissing her. He cupped her cheeks, sliding his fingers under the back of her mask behind her ears. His gloved hands sent nearly electric charges of… **something** … sparking across her skin. Her heart slammed up in her throat, stomach turning flips like she'd missed a web line.

His kiss with Petra was even fiercer than his earlier kiss with Peter. No one should be watching them now, here on the roof. He swiped his tongue against her lips, licking up the sweet remains of her apple. She opened her mouth reflexively and tried to grab for his waist. His hips weren't where they should be though. He was dipping down, feet to the sky. She settled her hands against his. The Nova Force warm through her gloves.

Then he was pulling away, smirking smugly. Her mouth kissed the air as she tried to follow his lips.

" **That's** how I kiss," he said, rolling her mask back down over her kiss swollen lips.

"...'kay," she said, breathless.

 _/if you are quite through we have a job to do nova alexander/_

"Let's kick some _axt_!"

 _/you know it would be incredibly simple for me to translate xandest into english and have it appear as if you had not even used another language/_

 _I think I liked you better when you couldn't talk._ Sam blasted off towards the fairgrounds, then zoomed back and picked up Petra.

"Um, thanks," Spider-Girl mumbled. Mask hiding her embarrassed blush at realizing she had been standing there like an idiot. They were off like a shot.

It looked like Spider-Man and the rest of the team hadn't bothered to wait for their return before starting against Arcade. Power Man and Iron Fist were defending fleeing civilians. White Tiger and Spider-Man were in a standoff against Arcade and his 'elite guard' of robot bunnies.

 _/targets acquired would you prefer an altered reality overlay on the largest robots/_

 _You can do that? Yes! Get rid of the ears and tails!_ Sam thought. He shifted his grip on Petra, "Fastball special coming up, get ready Webby!"

She gave her head a little shake and set her stance. Such as it were. She patted Sam's arm in the affirmative signal. He pitched her as hard as he could at a mob of rabbit robots surrounding Arcade. Purple faux fur, stuffing, and robot bits flew everywhere as she 'landed' into them.

Nova turned and waved at his team. His team was containing it, no ugh, not his team any longer. He wasn't even second in command now, with Spider-Girl here. Either way, his HUD was picking up dangerous plushies escaping into the surroundings.

He signed to Spider-Man and White Tiger about the threats. Spider-Man signed his confirmation. Then Nova was flitting about the fair-turned-battlegrounds, away from the major action. Running mop up duty to ensure not a single threat escaped.

The smaller robots were easily taken out by blasting them with energy and overloading their power sources. The bears and chickens were small enough that they 'exploded' in fluff and light. The foxes and, he shuddered at the thought, rabbits, were too large for that to work though.

One of the fleeing civilians tossed his fox doll up in the air and Nova blasted it into oblivion.

Thankfully the AR overlay was working to prevent his phobia from flaring up. He could easily punch through the simple frames and rip out the power source. With a little more effort he could drain it empty, pulling the power back into him and giving it off harmlessly as light and a bit of warmth.

There weren't all that many escaped power plushies. Finishing with his mop up, he turned back to rejoin the team.

 _/nova alexander mind control device detected and in use/_

A young woman lit up in an orange outline through his HUD. He felt his lips curl into a snarl of rage at the remembered helplessness he'd felt moments ago. He flew down and raised his hands to her head, sending sparks of energy through the mind control circlet. It shorted out and he pulled it away, barely registering his helmet's inventory of the tech before he slagged it into carbon char.

The woman collapsed to the ground, sobbing.

Nova dropped down to the ground next to her, placing a warming hand on her back.

 _Call in SHIELD. We_ _ **do**_ _have a mind control recovery type person right?_

 _/shield does indeed have such an agent i have made the call they are inbound now/_

"Everything is gonna be ok now, miss. My team is stopping Arcade. We've got this, he won't get away," Nova promised. Sam focused his feelings of confidence and comfort into his hand, trying to project them into her.

"Oh Nova thank you! Thank you! You've saved me!" she sobbed, suddenly hugging him close. Internally Sam sighed, he needed to get on with the mission.

 _Where are those SHIELD agents?_

 _/inbound eta four earth minutes/_

 _Ugh great. I hate the huggers. How's the team doing?_ Sam thought at his helmet, carefully keeping his emotions projecting through his Nova Force bright and positive.

 _/our team has successfully apprehended the criminal designated arcade and are also waiting on shield agents/_

 _Uuuuggghhhh, I don't suppose we can skip debrief and have some lunch?_ Sam thought hopefully.

 _/if you are hungry there are always ration bars and no we cannot skip mission debrief nova alexander but you knew that already/_

Sam stopped projecting his emotions at the disgust the mention of ration bars conjured.

 _/they contain all the nutrition and calories needed by your body for optimum functioning/_

 _Dude, no way. They're so gross._

 _/everyone is a critic these days can you not take the time out of your busy life to appreciate the finer things such as home made ration bars just like mother used to make/_

…

 _/you know since mother was also a nova helmet so she also made ration bars for her defenders/_

 _Seriously I think you were better when you couldn't talk._

 _/rude/_

"Nova thank you for watching over this citizen, we'll take it from here," a SHIELD agent, dressed in field armor, said as he came up to him. Sam gave the trembling woman a final, comforting squeeze.

"Here you go, ma'am. SHIELD will take you from here, get you checked out, make sure everything is okay. Okay?" Nova said as he disentangled himself from her clinging grip. She looked up at him and nodded fearfully as he handed her over to the SHIELD team.

He smiled brightly and waved before blasting away in a blue-white flash.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

97 Xandarian for 'fucking bastard'.


	25. Nova Menaces on Rooftops!

Earlier...

 _Sam stood up and pulled Peter down for a kiss, propping his air gun on his hip. Peter's breath hitched in his throat and he dropped his hands to Sam's waist._

Previously...

 _"Nova what are- oh," Petra said. The Nova Force tingled pleasantly across her lips where Sam was kissing her._

 _Seriously I think you were better when you couldn't talk, Sam thought at his helmet._

/rude/

 _"Nova thank you for watching over this citizen, we'll take it from here," a SHIELD agent, dressed in field armor, said as he came up to him. Sam gave the trembling woman a final, comforting squeeze._

Now...

 **25 Nova Menaces on Rooftops!**

Nova dropped down to join the team just as the SHIELD agents were hauling away Arcade.

"Nice of you to finally join us **Star Child** ," Power Man said, teasing. Nova huffed, he'd hoped Petra hadn't had time to share that one yet. The Nova Force flickered with his annoyance.

"I got all the little _hxt_ that you missed. Oh, and I found the lady that creep was controlling to get his lame robots in the booths," Nova said, lowering down to hover between Power Man and Iron Fist, even with Power Man's height.

"Right on," Power Man said with a nod.

Spider-Man stepped up between them and wrapped his arms around their shoulders. The one armed hug pulled Sam down, and he leaned into Peter.

"Good job, everyone! We stopped Arcade with minimum damages today!" Spider-Man praised. Sam felt his heart soar. He managed to turn his smile into a smug smirk. Spider-Girl stepped up between him and Iron Fist, putting her arms around them both as well. Sam felt his smirk waver.

"Yeah! Great job team!" Petra said, giving Nova and Iron Fist a little squeeze at her words of praise, "I didn't think you boys could do it, you sure showed me wrong!" she said, sounding not at all put out about being proven wrong. The Nova Force sparked at her squeeze, then settled back down.

"When the spirit is strong what matters the body?" Iron Fist reflected.

Spider-Man squeezed Power Man and Nova in for another congratulatory hug. Blue sparks glittered out of the Nova Force again.

"Nova did a good job finding Arcade's base! Who knows what trouble he would have gotten into if we hadn't have stopped him here and now?" Spider-Man said, a bit too loudly.

"Thanks Webs! Of course I did awe- awk!" Nova started, then squawked as Spider-Girl pulled him back to her side in another hug. Iron Fist squirmed at her rather uncomfortable display of affection.

"Yeah! Nova really helped us keep those creepy toy monsters contained! Good job Nova!" Petra praised, voice a bit strained.

"Yeah, hahah, I **am** awesome," Sam said, blushing under his helmet. Nova Force glittering brightly now.

"Yeah, good thing we stopped Arcade in time," Power Man said. He shook his head as their supposed 'leaders' made fools of themselves. What had he done in a past life to deserve dealing with this sort of nonsense in this one^98?

"Indeed. Fortune smiled upon us this day," Iron Fist said, trying to politely squirm away from Spider-Girl's rather stronger than iron grip.

"Yeah, this was a good mission, Nova," White Tiger said with appreciation.

"Yeah, great. Hahah, good times!" Nova said, trying to not so subtly free himself from the two spiders.

 _/mission complete calculating score nova alexander rank a/_

 _A for awesome! Yeah!_

 _/that was a joke/_

 _You can't see but I'm frowning super hard right now._

 _/your blood nitric oxide levels are rather high/_

"Seriously? You guys need to get a room," White Tiger said, raising her hands up in disbelief.

"What? B-Buckethead? As if!" Spider-Man said, pushing Nova away

"Hahaha, what? Nuh-uh, **you** have a thing for spiders, Tiger," Nova laughed as he was pushed into Spider-Girl, just before she also pushed him away. He floated over to Iron Fist, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Tiger! You-! I-I mean! I don't even know him!" Spider-Girl said a bit too loudly.

"Spider-Girl, Spider-Man, get a clue. Nova stop being stupid. If we hurry we can get back in time for afternoon classes," White Tiger said, turning away, parkouring up to the booth roofs and running back towards Midtown High.

"Doing is the bitterest way of learning, though I know of none that you could imitate," Iron Fist said then sighed, "Reflection is perhaps too much to ask of you three."

"You three need to do… something," Power Man said, shaking his head and leaping up to the rooftops in one go, Iron Fist followed with flashy, twirling leaps.

Spider-Girl rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"What did Iron Fist mean," she murmured.

"Ugh, who knows? Probably got it from a fortune cookie," Spider-Man said, blowing out his breath in annoyance.

"Yeah, what's he thinking? We don't even have any mirrors."

"Buckethead…" Spider-Man and Spider-Girl shared a look behind their face palming. Spider-Girl gave herself a little shake.

"If we hurry we can get back in time to have lunch!" Spider-Girl said as she leapt away.

"Oh my gosh, Sam," Mary Jane nearly squealed, pulling him away from Luke and whipping out her smartphone, "Did you see the latest on Spider-Girl? Look!"

Sam felt his stomach sink as she pressed play. A shaky cellphone video of a blue glow over a roof started rolling. The camera zoomed in to show Nova and Spider-Girl. The upload stamp was from this morning.

He hadn't thought anyone was able to get a good angle on them… Shit. Peter was going to… well he didn't know what Peter was going to do. Something stupid, probably.

 _/more or less stupid than usual do you think/_

 _You! Why didn't you tell me we were being recorded?_

 _/i do not know why the source would matter you know i am always recording your actions/_

 _I know! But this is different! This is-!_

 _/it is not different samuel alexander you are an agent of shield and the last defender of xandar when you are on the job you have no privacy/_

 _But!_

 _/if you want privacy i am sure agent parker can find me another defender while you continue your education here on earth you do have quite the culinary skills for a human and if not him then perhaps agent parker could/_

 _Okay, okay, okay. Thor! You don't have to rub it in._

"Sam? You okay?" Mary Jane asked, pressing a hand to his arm in concern.

"Huh, uh, yeah! Yeah I'm good!" Sam said, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Mary Jane looked between him and his bag, then she leaned in.

"Your eyes, Sam…" she said. She bit her lip.

Sam slumped. _Thanks, asshole._

/ _she felt me in your bag the other day she already knew/_

"Yeah… that's… that's new," Sam said, head drooping.

"Oh Sam, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have sprung this on you! That was so thoughtless of me," Mary Jane said. Then blushing she added, "I was so excited for gossip I didn't think about how you'd feel about it."

Sam mustered up a smile, and shifted his bag on his shoulders.

"Heh, don't worry about it MJ. Not your fault. It **is** pretty juicy gossip," Sam said with a weak smile.

"So Nova and Spider-Girl **are** dating?" Mary Jane asked, clapping her hands together. Just barely suppressing a delighted giggle. Before Sam could elaborate, Peter stepped up to them. His hair was messy and he was glowering.

"Sam! What is up with these rumors about you and Petra dating? This isn't cool, Star Child!" Peter snapped, using the nickname he knew annoyed him the most. Mary Jane winced and mouthed 'sorry' at Sam, the superhero gossip had distracted her from the slightly more important rumor mill goings on in Midtown High.

"Whoa, woah, Parker, I didn't say anything like that I- _schlag_! Flash!" Sam said, replaying their brief locker room exchange in his head.

"Flash, **what** , Sam?" Peter said, voice unhappy and very serious. Sam gulped.

"Ahh, haha," Sam laughed nervously, Peter loomed. Mary Jane somehow, despite being shorter than him, also loomed, "I ran into Flash outside the locker room yesterday. **He** said something about her being mine but **I** said you can't own people!" Sam elaborated, playing with the sleeve of his long sleeved undershirt.

 _/actually what he said was/_

 _Secret. Identity. Shut it._

 _/i bet worldmind prime never had to put up with this level of nonsense from defender prime i bet he was always respectful/_

 _Ignoring you now._

"Oh no Sam, did you actually tell him you weren't dating though?" Mary Jane asked. Sam looked embarrassed, then looked down at his shoes.

"Heh, um, mmmaayyybe?" Sam said, laughing nervously. He winced and shifted his strap again.

 _/oh what the great empire of the defenders has come to depending upon a legacy defender from a backwater planet that/_

"Buckethead… you-" Peter said, then looked to Mary Jane's phone.

 _/does not even have an effective global governing body why back in my day/_

"Look, I'm sorry okay?! I wasn't paying attention and messed up! Can we just-" Sam gestured helplessly. Then put a hand to his head. Mary Jane cocked an eyebrow at that and tilted her head.

"How do you not pay attention to Flash Thompson?" Mary Jane asked, baffled, "He's like a walking **tank**."

 _/defenders had to complete twelve by twelve cycles of basic/_

Sam flushed, glanced at Peter then froze. Mary Jane had not put away her phone, nor locked it. The video was on looped playback.

"Sam?" Peter said as the video finished with Nova pulling away from Spider-Girl, Spider-Girl clearly thoroughly kissed. Peter's voice was tiny and weak, his blue eyes hidden behind his bangs.

Mary Jane's gaze darted between them, eyes widening.

"Peter, you know about Sam's, 'afterschool job'?" Mary Jane asked, surprised.

 _/training just to one day maybe have the honor to wield the defense force/_

"MJ **you** know?! I thought-!" Peter said voice shaking,"I.."

"Webs, it's not like that, it was-" Sam said, pulling his hand away from his head and holding his hands pleading before him.

 _/not to mention to even get close to the power levels you wield one had/_

"Just for the game?! Just so you could win?! A prank, a joke?!" Peter yelled, hands balling up into fists at his sides.

"No, Pete! No! It-"

"Yeah, well, you're a joke! I hate you!" Peter cried out, before turning and running away.

 _/to complete rigorous tactical and/_

Mary Jane stared at Peter, hand to her mouth.

"Shut up!" Sam said, closing his eyes and bolting the other way.

"Sam! Peter!" Mary Jane called out to them as they ran.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

98 It had involved a rather lot of dragons and magic and even though he had no way of knowing, this was one of the many reasons he could not stand magic in this life. Dragons were somewhat more tolerable, but that might have more to do with cognitive recalibration of soul memory knots than anything.


	26. Spider-Man Stops Traffic!

Previously...

" _Webs, it's not like that, it was-" Sam said, pulling his hand away from his head and holding his hands pleading before him._

/not to mention to even get close to the power levels you wield one had/

" _Just for the game?! Just so you could win?! A prank, a joke?!" Peter yelled, hands balling up into fists at his sides._

" _No, Pete! No! It-"_

" _Yeah, well, you're a joke! I hate you!" Peter cried out, before turning and running away._

/to complete rigorous tactical and/

 _Mary Jane stared at Peter, hand to her mouth._

" _Shut up!" Sam said, closing his eyes and bolting the other way._

" _Sam! Peter!" Mary Jane called out to them as they ran._

 _Now…_

 _ **26 Spider-Man Stops Traffic! Spider-Girl Traps Family on Roof!**_

Spider-Man was perched broodingly on a roof corner.

"The whole brooding hero thing works better when the sun 's down," Spider-Girl said as she landed soundlessly next to him.

"What do *you* want?" Spider-Man said, voice dark.

"MJ told me-" Spider-Girl said, not able to finish as Spider-Man spun to face her. Looming over her, hands balled up at his sides in fists.

"Sam isn't enough for you?! Now you want MJ too?!" Spider-Man cried out, voice hoarse.

"Spidey, no it's-" she tried again to explain.

"I can't even talk to Harry now! Because of you! He's still ignoring me! You've taken everything from me!" Spider-Man yelled, voice cracking. Spider-Girl crouched lower, shoulders slumping.

"I'm sorry, I-" she said.

"Why are you even **here**? Did you come to **gloat**? You're taking everything I care about away from me! What more do you want?! What do you want? What-" Spider-Man dropped to his knees, choking back a sob, "You've taken my team, my friends, my, my…"

He pressed his shaking palms to his eyes. Even kneeling, Spider-Girl was still crouched lower than him, her head bowed.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I fucked up. I fucked up bad and I can't stop. I don't know how to fix this," Spider-Girl said, voice weak, "You can kick my ass, I won't stop you. I deserve it. Listen, I'm not taking Sam from you, we *aren't* dating! I swear!" she too dropped to her knees, her vacant stare hidden behind her mask, "The kiss on the, on the roof wasn't a dating kiss. I don't, I don't know why! I think…" she sniffed and rubbed at her face with the back of her arm, "I think it was 'cause he was mind controlled earlier. I didn't- fuck me I didn't notice! Earlier at the fair I ran into him and he kissed me. I didn't think it was terrible!" she said, a bit too loudly, hugging herself, "but apparently it was the worst kiss ever! He broke the mind control and-" she hiccuped.

Peter pulled her in for a hug, resting his forehead against hers.

"Pet," he said, voice thick.

"Pete," she hiccuped again.

An inarticulate bellow of rage carried up to the rooftop from the street. Their Spidey-Senses tingled and, moment broken, they immediately lept into action. Swinging to get there, they overheard panicked screaming of civilians and a shouted 'conversation.'

"I've never seen you before in my life, bro! I'm sorry man!"

"Rrraaagh! Sorry not good enough!"

"I mean I probably did something awful to you at some point, I'm not saying I didn't! I just think I'd remember pisisng off a giant green rhino!" Flash Thompson was screaming as he ran down the sidewalk, a monstrous meta-human rhinoceros charging behind him. Cars were being flung every which way. Most were thankfully empty. Spider-Girl effortlessly caught a minivan with her webline and swung it, and the family inside, to safety.

"Who says you can't get good parking in New York?" she quipped as she disengaged the webline, the car now parked on a roof. She shot out another, swinging across the street and picking up Flash just before a cement truck crashed along the line he'd been running.

"Noooo! Spider I'll get you!" the green-tinged metahuman bellowed.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh," Flash chanted as Spider-Girl held him one handed, still swinging effortlessly through the streets.

"Bring him back! That dog deserves this!" the villain screamed.

Spider-Girl and Spider-Man cracked up laughing.

"He's gonna get you Spidey, and your little dog too! Watch out!" Spider-Man called, webbing a line around the rather spiky jointed rhino's legs, tripping him up. He landed with a thunderous boom.

Spider-Girl dropped Flash off on top of another, somewhat farther away roof. Giggling she gave his head a pat, before leaping back into the fray, "Stay, Toto!"

"Y-yes ma'am!" Flash called out, watching her swing back into battle with shining eyes. The massive metahuman ripped out of the webbing and scrambled to his feet.

"Hey, ugly!" Spider-Man called to the villain.

"What!" the not-quite-rhino snarled, showing off his taloned hands as he lifted a taxi. The driver scrambled out the window in terror. Spider-Man and Spider-Girl laughed mockingly at the villain to distract him.

"You jerks! You just like Flash!" he screamed, pitching the now empty taxi blindly. Spider-Man threw down a web over a group of cowering civilians, catching the cab before it crushed them.

"I don't know why they say you can't catch a cab in New York, I always catch 'em!" Spider-Man quipped lightly, before landing in front of the massive, angry metahuman.

"Stupid bug!" the sickly-green looking rhino snarled, "Rhino crush stupid bug!"

"Spiders aren't bugs! They're arachnids!" Spider-Girl and Spider-Man shouted at the same time. Spider-Girl dropped down to plant a solid kick on Rhino's skull, skillfully avoiding the horn. Spider-Man launched himself, landing a serious kick to Rhino's strangely spiked chin.

The two super strong spider heroes landed their kicks at the same time. Rhino staggered back.

"Nuh… nuh uh, I smart," the giant metahuman groaned, "I know bugs… green man promise. Keep Rhino smart and strong…" the Rhino dropped down onto his spikey knees, "I still smart, still have int-int-int-job. Me still have job."

Spider-Man and Spider-Girl wasted no time tying up the dazed Rhino. Spider-Man reached for his wrist comm, but a SHIELD hover jet touched down before he could call it in. Agent Coulson approached them, flanked by faceless SHIELD agents. His own face covered by a SHIELD field helmet.

"Good work Spider-Man, Spider-Girl. Glad to see your teamwork stays on point with just the two of you," Agent Coulson praised. Though it was hard to tell from the outside, his voice remained as bland as ever, "We'll take Mr. O'Hirn from here."

Spider-Man and Spider-Girl did a little dance of victory and high fived each other with glee. Coulson turned away to check that the SHIELD agents were treating the minor metahuman humanely. Then turned back to the two celebrating superheroes.

"Oh, I haven't received your reports on Nova's extended training sessions. I expect it on my desk before curfew tonight," Agent Coulson said, before once again turning away from them in clear dismissal. They froze in their silly dancing.

They shared a deep and meaningful look through their masks as Coulson left them to their own devices.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Spidey?" Spider-Man asked Spider-Girl.

"Mmmm I dunno, Spidey, how do you keep on par with a waffle iron?" Spider-Girl said with a rather jiggly bounce of glee.

"No Spidey! Not golf jokes and tired nineties references we're too young to get!" Spider-Man said with a stern wave of his hand. Spider-Girl ducked her head, properly chastized.

"Oh but if not that… oh," she said, realization dawning, "Oh! Oooohhhhohohoho."

"Ohohohoho **indeed** ," Spider-man said with barely suppressed glee.

"Solving our mutual problem with excessive violence and jokey insults, yes yes, I see now," Spider-Girl said, nodding sagely.

"We're so clever, Spidey," Spider-Man said, wiggling in place.

"Oh yes Spidey, indubitably, indubitably!" Spider-Girl said, voice bright.

Behind their masks they shared a grin. Rubbing their hands together in unison, they cackled rather like supervillains to capture an unwary hero in a cunningly set puzzle.

"Spidey~!" Flash called down to them from his rooftop, interrupting them before they could get too terribly silly, "Spidey you guys are so amazing~! Spidey~!"

"Aw, donkey doodles," Spider-Man said with a pout, "Do we gotta get him, Spidey?"

"Now Spidey," Spider-Girl said teasingly, "Leaving him up there for the SHIELD agents to pick up wouldn't be nice."

Spider-Man sighed theatrically, then perked up.

"Okay, fine, but he's your mess, you go get him!" he said, leaping up and swinging away, "Meet you at the base for 'planning'!"

"Spidey you menace! You can't just-!" Spider-Girl yelped, shaking her fist at him as he swung away laughing. She harumphed to herself, "I should have expected that. Really."

Sighing heavily, she swung up to the rooftop where a giddy Flash was waiting for her.

"Oh my gosh Spidey! You were spectacular! Amazing!" Flash gushed, dancing in place.

"I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Girl!" Petra said with routine cheerfulness, "Now, where to Eugene?"

Spider-Girl picked his sturdy frame up with nary an ounce of effort. Flash squeed at her display of super strength. Combined with her knowing his name, even if it was much hated, he forgot that she'd asked him a question.

"Well? The Spidey Express don't got all day, Flash," Spider-Girl said, bored and tapping her foot, "I'm waaaiiiiting."

"Oh! Spidey sorry! Th-that way, Spidey!" Flash said, pointing. Forgetting in his excitement to direct her to someplace other than the rather sorry place he called home. Spider-Girl leapt off the roof and shot out a webline.

Flash's delighted chants of 'Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,' could be heard on the street as she swung him home.

Nova floated on the far side of the moon. Keeping it between him and Earth. He watched the two cosmic bodies spin below him with distant eyes. Looking but not seeing the present.

 _/you could not have known about thanos or his assasins/_

 _I should have tried harder to hear you._

 _/impossible for a human child to hear a spirit of the defenders/_

 _You could have warned me._

 _/the fault there lies with me not with you for i did not warn you/_

 _They'd still be alive if-_

 _/please sam we cannot dwell in the past it is not healthy for your species to behave like this/_

"Yeah, well. I do a lot of unhealthy shit," Sam said aloud. Just to hear something tangible besides his own breathing.

 _/you have not harmed yourself since before agent parker became your superior officer/_

"Getting drunk isn't hurting myself," Sam said, with a surly baring of his teeth.

 _/your liver begs to differ you do know that i have healed you of alcohol poisoning on more than one occasion do you not/_

Sam growled and spun around, facing the rest of the solar system. Out there, past the far side of Jupiter, was an entire universe. The Nova Force thrummed through him. _It would be so easy… just a short trip..._

 _/incoming transmission from agent parker/_

 _Shit. What does_ ** _she_** _want?_

 _/i do believe the usual method of discovering such things is to answer the call/_

 _Yes. No. Fuck me. Um. Yes. Answer it._

 _/please refrain from stimulating yourself with the defense force i would really rather not fuck you/_

 _Wait what?_

"Nova! Your final training session is at oh three hundred-" Spider-Girl began.

"Spidey! That's three in the morning!" Peter's voice came from off screen.

"I knew that, Spidey! Haha just checking if you guys knew! That!"

"Nova get back to base for your **special** training, pronto!"

Spider-Man sounded, well, happy.

Sam was both relieved and concerned. Relieved that he was no longer hurt from his stupid, impulsive kissing. Concerned that they were both apparently getting along like a house on fire.

 _/it is a good thing defenders are fire proof then/_

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be there in fifteen. Nova out," he said to the cold, uncaring void of space.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼


	27. Spider-Man and Spider-Girl Menace Nova!

Previously…

 _"Nova get back to base for your **special** training, pronto!"_

 _Spider-Man sounded, well, happy._

 _Sam was both relieved and concerned. Relieved that he was no longer hurt from his stupid, impulsive kissing. Concerned that they were both apparently getting along like a house on fire._

/it is a good thing defenders are fire proof then/

Now…

 **27** **Spider-Man and Spider-Girl Menace Nova!**

Nova grunted as he dodged a hair too slow to miss the full force of the LMD Spider-Girl flung his way. It hurt. Far more than he was used to during training. While he definitely deserved it, she wasn't acting like Peter did when he was using more strength than usual in training.

That didn't exactly mean anything. She'd already proven that she wasn't just Peter with boobs. Peter never swore, even when it was totally okay to swear. She also didn't talk to herself quite as much.

But she could definitely be exacting a bit of some 'theraputic' violence on him and he might not pick up on it.

In his distraction he failed to notice Spider-Man swinging at him in time. He half turned and took the punch to his chest instead of his sides. He gasped as his breath was actually knocked out. Peter for sure wouldn't be hitting him *that* hard and act like he hadn't.

 _/endurance levels are suboptimal/_

He didn't have the energy to comment, but that made a lot more sense. A flood of warm, tingling healing Nova Force to his chest caught his breath back. But his migraine returned. Not bad enough he couldn't pick up the pace and toss Spider-Man at Spider-Girl. They failed to collide.

The end session buzzer sounded and Nova floated down to the ground with an overly loud groan.

"Alright! Go team Spidey!" Spider-Man and Spider-Girl said, high fiving.

Nova dropped down with a heavy, metallic thump as he landed on his boots. Far less graceful than usual. Spider-Man and Spider-Girl gave Nova a friendly slap on his back.

"Flark!" he said, startled. He hadn't been powered up, or braced, and bounced off the wall and landed in a heap on the concrete floor of the temporary training room.

 _/mission designated training session complete/_

"Haha, whoops!" Spider-Man said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Our bad!" Spider-Girl called.

Sam raised his hand and gestured from his pile on the floor.

"Nova!" Spider-Man and Spider-Girl yelped together as Sam flipped them off.

"Bite me, Webs," he managed to get out.

 _/i will not help you convince them that your terran gesture is also a galactic peace sign/_

 _You're no fun._

 _/prince quill is a bad influence upon you/_

 _Pretty sure he's killed the least people out of the Guardians, actually. Do you think they'll leave me here all night if I pass out?_

 _/doubtful/_

Sam sighed. With much grunting and groaning he pulled himself to his feet. He looked around the empty training room, _Shows what you know._

 _/spider man and spider girl left to fill out their reports they are still on site/_

 _Whatever,_ Sam thought back. Too tired to fly he trudged to the locker room.

"Buckethead?" Peter called, entering the locker room and heading straight for his locker.

Sam stood under the running, steaming hot water of the SHIELD shower. One of the perks of 'working' for SHIELD, an unending hot water supply.

"What," Sam said. He did not make it a question. He kept his head bowed and eyes closed. The water running over him soothing his aching muscles. Focusing on ignoring the sounds of Peter stripping down behind him.

"I thought for sure you'd be back at Aunt May's by now?" Peter said, he did make it a question.

Sam grunted and rubbed at his face. He jumped at the light touch of Peter's hand along the black and purple bruise on his back.

"Webs!" Sam said, glaring over his shoulder. Peter was studying his bruising intently. Sam stepped aside, Peter's eyes trailed over his chest.

"Doesn't this usually heal faster?" he asked, touching his fist almost tenderly to a matching bruise across Sam's sternum. Peter frowned at that.

"Uhhh, usually? Sometimes I don't' heal fast because… I dunno? They're 'significant' or something," Sam muttered.

Peter dropped his hand away from Sam's body and rested it on his naked hip. Sam squirmed under Peter's sharp, blue gaze.

"Significant how? I've seen you get up fine from stuff that would've cracked my ribs," Peter said.

"Uhhh, yeah, it probably did crack my ribs. I just heal fast, except when I don't," Sam added looking away. Definitely **not** down.

"All of this is from training," Peter murmured. He seemed oblivious to the steam rising around them from the still running shower.

"Mostly, yeah," Sam said, relieved to have a solid answer. Peter's frown deepened at that.

"You've already served your detention! You don't need anymore punishment!" Peter said, reaching out to tilt Sam's face up. Forcing him to meet his steely gaze, "You can tell that bucket to heal you up now!"

 _/what is it with terrans and buckets/_

"Uh?" Sam said, the depths of his hazel eyes glowing softly as his helmet 'spoke' to him.

"Matter of fact, bring it here! I'll tell it myself!" Peter declared, shoving Sam towards his locker. Sam resisted. His wet feet slid easily across the tile floor.

"What the flark, Webs!" Sam protested. Unwilling to do more than push futilely back against Peter's grip. He could probably get away if he really tried. But, well, they **were** both naked. If the half chub he was starting to get, even through the pain of his bruising, got any harder it'd be **kind** **of** difficult to explain.

That was of course when Sam slipped and fell. He was prepared for even more pain. Instead he had strong, smooth arms pluck him out of the air and hold him against an equally strong, **naked** , chest.

"Watch out!" Peter said, holding him close.

 _Stupid fucking hormones_ , Sam cursed to himself.

 _/at least your current injuries are keeping you from full and total embarrassment as it were/_

 _You're about to heal those!_

 _/well um actually hah funny story/_

 _You **are** about to heal me, right? _ Sam thought, frowning.

 _/actually i am healing you even now i am using the majority of my capabilities to keep your brain stabilized while your forcefully activated mental abilities mature/_

"Wait, what?" Sam said aloud, turning to face his locker, "Say that again, but this time like I don't know what you're talking about."

Peter raised an eyebrow at that, still carrying Sam towards his locker.

"What? Don't slip and bust your head open?" Peter asked.

 _/your mental abilities were previously latent and developing naturally however the mind control device used upon you combined with your high emotions activated certain pathways rather forcefully without my exhertations or their equivalent your mental abilities would be lost as quickly as they arrived/_

"You didn't think I should know about having brain damage?!" Sam said, too loud and turning his body into Peter's subconciously.

"What?! You're hurt?!" Peter said, dancing in place in a sudden spate of worry.

 _/no of course not/_

"Oh," Sam said, sighing with relief.

"I mean obviously you're hurt, you're covered in bruises. From Petra and me. Frick frack! I should have known. You were underperforming in training today! Oh jeeze oh jeeze! What can I do? What can I do?" Peter said, fast and low. More to himself than to Sam. Sam wasn't paying him any attention.

 _/if our bond is broken or damaged before the pathways are set only then you would be brain damaged/_

Sam sputtered and opened and closed his hands before him. Frustration nearly tangible. Then he shook his still wet hair out of his eyes and massaged his temples with a sigh. They had reached their lockers.

"You're not helping!" Sam said, snarling and huffing his frustration out at his obstinate helmet.

Peter pulled his own locker open, forgetting to undo his lock in his haste. The bolt bounced away with little metallic pings against the textured concrete. The tile had stopped at the showers.

"Helping! I can help! I'm helping now!" Peter said quickly, setting Sam down on his feet and pulling his own towel out of his locker. It was a towel from home, the SHIELD towels were too scratchy on his skin.

Sam closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples, the migraine he'd been having on and off all day returning. It felt like needles were stabbing through his skull, just behind his eyes. The soft towel rapidly drying his skin went unnoticed.

 _/i am most certainly helping you ungrateful legacy terran i am keeping your brain stable and i did heal your cracked ribs from the enthusiastic training session delivered by agent parker and agent parker/_

Sam felt the hurt and offense from his helmet at his actions. He immediately felt guilty.

"I'm… I didn't mean to hurt you," Sam said, voice quiet.

 _/i suppose that will suffice/_

"Sam, it's okay. It was all a big misunderstanding," Peter said. Sam opened his eyes. Peter was looking up at him, blue eyes gray with worry. Sam felt his heart leap into his throat, stomach flipping like he was doing loop-de-loops.

So easy to imagine Peter's eyes clouded with lust instead.

 _Schlag. Shit._

 _/remain calm you need to maintain low stress levels to keep the mental pain to a minimum/_

Peter was naked as a jaybird. Which now that he thought of it, was the same state that **he** was currently in, too.

 _Flark'ng fuck._

Sam tried to step back and spin away. Put some space between them. Tried to think of other, less sexy things than a lusty Peter kneeling in front of him.

The floor was slick. His feet were still wet. His migraine came back as his heart raced. He slipped. He fell.

Not very far before Peter caught him. He'd barely even fallen, actually. He squeaked in surprise and hissed in pain, nearly at the same time. It sounded stupid. It was embarrassing.

 _Why is Thursday 'everything happens to Sam' day? What did I ever do to Thor? I like Thor. I'm gonna tell him what I think about his stupid day next time we meet I swear._

 _/perhaps he is jealous of your camaraderie with bill and please seriously keep your stress levels lower than this the migraines are an unavoidable side effect of keeping you stable just try not to think about your current state_ /

"Sam? Sam what's wrong? Are you okay? Why aren't you saying anything?" Peter said, voice too loud, hold a bit too tight, "Oh my God I broke you! Petra's gonna kill me!" Peter fell to his knees, still holding Sam, "Oh snap, *no*," Peter gasped, mouth gaping as realization dawned.

" **Ava's** gonna kill me first!" Peter gazed into the distance, hope visibly dwindling with each voiced worry, "And then Danny's gonna fortune cookie at me and give me **that look** , I can't handle **that look** it's like he just **exudes** disappointment. Which, come to think if it, be might actually be doing," Peter momentarily sidetracked himself with this very concerning and entirely plausible idea, "I really should have read his file, like, at all. Like, can he kill me with his Aura of Disappointment or does it just give me a penalty on my Will Saves?" then remembering their final teammate, "And Luke!"

 _/you should really say something you know/_

 _Yeah I totally should._

"Oh man, I'm so dead. I'm dead-dead-dead-dead, that's how dead I am," Peter groaned.

 _/i do think he has actually forgotten that he is holding you/_

 _I'm not **that** small!_

 _/a subway train you are not/_

 _That's fair._

"And then Petra will get her turn. She'll have to re-re-re-re-kill me. I'll be dead-dead-dead-dead-dead," Peter slumped down, defeated, nuzzling up against Sam's cheek.

"Sam!" Peter said, eyes wide. Then his eyes narrowed and he gave his hips a little wiggle, "Take my GameMaster and games after I'm gone!," he wailed, "Remember all the good times we had," a theatrical sniff, a wobble of his lips, "kicking alien butt," a dramatic, choked sob, "together."

 _What a fucking dork._

 _/your stress levels are decreasing to within acceptable parameters/_

"Like, for pretend. Digital alien butt kicking," Peter clarified. Then squinted a bit as he remembered, "Also that one time actual alien butt kicking," he tilted his head, "Or does Loki count as an alien? And all the frost giants back in Asgard that one time? I never did get a weapon, stupid cheapskate dwarf-"

"Are you done freaking out now? Cause I'd kinda like to eat some time today, you know," Sam finally interrupted. Migraine mostly gone.

 _/stay no more stressed than this and i can manage your headaches/_

"Sam! You're okay!"

"Urk!" Sam squawked as Peter hugged him.

 _/you should eat and sleep as soon as possible though/_

"Oh frick! Sorry! Sorry!" Peter said, setting Sam down on the bench in front of the locker bank.

"Cold!" Sam yelped as his naked butt touched the room temperature metal. SHIELD room temperature, so somewhere south of comfortable.

 _/and if you can at all keep me on or a hands breadth away at most that will greatly speed the process up_ /

"Sorry! Sorry!" Peter yelped, pulling open Sam's locker without unlocking it. The lock gave a metallic pop as it broke. He grabbed Sam's helmet and shoved it on his head.

Sam sighed as the white-blue glow of the Nova Force washed over him, suit materializing as the glow faded away.

 _/nova 25-kresh-73590248 i am standing by for mission brief/_

"Webs says fix me. I guess that's the mission," Sam said aloud.

"Yes! What?" Peter said. Reflexively agreeing, then wondering at the other half of Sam's conversation. Realizing his question could be misinterpreted, "I mean, yes, fix Nova!"

 _/well we are trying to fix that but there is only one defender left so it is slow going i mean really now/_

"Do you have to talk literally all the time?" Sam groaned, though the worst of the bruises were healing. Very, very slowly.

 _/i am making up for all of those years that you were too hard headed to listen/_

"Yes. Definitely. Always talking, that's my thing!" Peter replied.

"Hey Spidey! You done showering? Let's jam!" Petra called from just outside the locker room.

"Oh, shower, right. I forgot," Peter said. Also forgetting Petra's super hearing.

"What the fuck are you doing then? Jerking it? Hurry up! It's Aunt May's day to cook and it's lasagna!"

"Oh my God! Petra what the snicker snack! No! I'm not jerking it!" Peter yelled back, glancing at Sam. Blushing red from his cheeks down his neck and possibly even further but Sam pulled his eyes back up to Peter's face before he could check. Peter grumbled and stalked over to the shower, "Jeez Louise, the nerve!"

Sam laughed at Peter's outraged expression.

"Short Stack? You're still here? I thought you'd be having seconds back at Aunt May's already!" Petra called again.

Peter stood under the spray and sighed at the precious, blessed hot water.

Sam winced and stopped laughing. He let out a pained hiss as his bruised ribs ached from the motion.

He started scrubbing after a moment to appreciate the finer points of working for SHIELD. Such as an unending supply of glorious hot water.

"Nova? Spidey?"

"I'm finally-"

"I'm good," Sam tried to call, voice a bit strained. His migraine starting to creep back as he did his level best to not ogle Peter's lithe, athletic, **naked** body.

Sam nearly fell off the bench as Spider-Girl landed on top of the bank of lockers. She leaned over, hands down the locker doors with her feet perched on the corner of the top of the row.

Peter half turned to finish, "-showering."

"Sam! Be more careful!" Petra said, voice stern. She leapt down to catch Sam before he could fall to the floor.

Petra's arms and grip were as steely strong as Peter's. Her soft, full chest was thankfully **not** naked.

"I said I'm good!" Sam said, squirming as he tried to escape her grip. He was at least as strong as her now, so he could break free with force. But being held by her felt so nice. His migraine would come back for sure if he fought.

"Don't listen to him, he's got brain damage," Peter said. He turned back around and finished up.

"Hey!" Sam said, crossing his arms across his chest then thinking better if it.

"Or something," Peter continued with an unseen roll of his eyes.

"What what what?! Sam's hurt? What happened?!" Petra said, looking back and forth between them.

"Uh, technically not hurt. My helmet is keeping me just fine," Sam said.

 _/your confidence in me is inspiring/_

"Okay, you hush," Petra said, standing Sam on his feet and pressing a gloved finger to his lips. She gestured at Peter, who was turning off the shower, "You. Talk."

Sam grumbled a protest under his breath. Petra and Peter ignored him.

"Okay so the zap zap-kiss-mind control did something to Nova's noggin and his helmet is keeping his brain okie dokie until it heals it all the way," Peter said. Petra tilted her head, her frown went unseen.

"Well that doesn't sound super bad," Spider-Girl said slowly, "What's the catch?"

"He's still beat up from training. Pretty bad, and maybe some other stuff but he hasn't said and I can't hear his bucket when it talks," Peter said, striding over to them. He picked up the fallen towel and shook it out.

"Nova, report," Petra said. Tone all leader and no play. Sam stood a bit straighter at that.

"Uh, my suit's healing abilities are focused on keeping my brain pathways stable," Sam said. Spider-Girl stared at him, blue mask expressionless. Behind Spider-Girl, Peter started toweling off. Sam swallowed.

"Uh, um, since it's keeping the pathways intact I don't heal other stuff as fast now," Sam said, clearly reluctant to share. Then faster, "But if it stays on or near me for about a day then I'll be good as new!"

Spider-Girl turned to Peter. He was pulling out his civilian clothing and getting dressed. Spider-Girl turned back to Nova.

"Fly," she commanded. Sam slouched a bit at that.

"Uh, like now? How far? Where to?" he said, trying to stall.

"You get in the air and I'll tell you," Spider-Girl said. She studied Nova critically as he pushed off the ground and floated before her.

She had been avoiding comparing her new teammates to her own team. So she hadn't thought anything of how dim the Nova Force had been during training today. But watching Sam float now, and comparing him to Sammie, she could see that something was wrong. The Nova Force was almost dull, a washed out darker blue-gray compared to the usual shining, sparkling blue-white it usually was.

Sam was hiding the strain, too. She could see the set of his jaw and the way he held his body that just hovering was taking a toll on him that it shouldn't be.

"Nova, you're grounded. No flying, no fighting, until me or Spidey give you the all clear," Spider-Girl said.

"What? That's no fair! I'm fine!" Sam protested even as he dropped back down to the ground.

 _/you are functioning at a twelve percent reduction in efficiency_ /

"I'm like eighty six percent fine!" Sam said, stepping past Spider-Girl and attempting to convince the now dressed Peter.

"Sorry, Nova. I agree with Spider-Girl. You need to get better. Brain injuries are no joke," Peter said, entirely serious. Petra pulled off her mask and shook out her hair.

"I'm gonna go change. Don't worry boys, I'll keep you safe on the subway," she said, lips curling up as she teased them. Peter and Sam both snorted at that.

"This blows," Sam said, sulking.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Come on, get dressed. You can't take the subway as Nova," Peter frowned, clearly worried, "Your bag **is** close enough that the helmet can still keep your brain sorted out?"

Sam sighed and opened his locker, 'unlocking' it slowly and with great deliberation.

"Yeah," he finally said, grudgingly. He pulled his bag out and dropped his helmet inside. He pulled on his boxers and pants quickly. His long sleeved undershirt was a bit trickier, but his v-neck shirt went on easier. Peter watched him intently. He was clearly favoring the side with a fist shaped bruise.

He grimaced as he bent over and pulled a foot up to put on his sock. Peter reached out a hand to him but dropped it before Sam noticed. That would probably not go over well. Sam was nearly as stubborn as himself.

Socks and shoes finally on, Sam picked up his bag and zipped it closed. Peter fidgeted at his backpack straps. When Sam looked to him, he nodded and started heading towards the locker room entrance.

"Right, let's jet!" Peter said.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼


	28. Where's Nova? SpiderMenace to Blame!

Previously…

" _Nova, you're grounded. No flying, no fighting, until me or Spidey give you the all clear," Spider-Girl said._

" _What? That's no fair! I'm fine!" Sam protested even as he dropped back down to the ground._

/you are functioning at a twelve percent reduction in efficiency/

" _I'm like eighty six percent fine!" Sam said, stepping past Spider-Girl and attempting to convince the now dressed Peter._

" _Sorry, Nova. I agree with Spider-Girl. You need to get better. Brain injuries are no joke," Peter said, entirely serious._

Now…

 **28 Where's Nova? Did Spider-Menaces 'Take Him Out'?!**

After a rather eventful subway ride back to Queens. They were finally back at Aunt May's.

"You guys are back early," Luke said. Looking from his spot on the couch where he was working on homework while watching the basketball game.

Peter and Petra dropped their backpacks by the back door as Sam entered.

"Yeah, Buckethead's bucket is on the fritz," Petra said, rubbing gently at Sam's hair. Sam batted at her hand and winced as it stretched his bruised ribs and back.

 _/i am most certainly not malfunctioning/_

"I said I'm fine!" Sam protested.

Ava looked up from her studies with a concerned frown.

Before she could say anything though, Aunt May was there. She rested the back of her hand against Sam's forehead.

"What's wrong, Sam dear? You don't feel feverish," she said, taking her hand away, clearly worried.

"Ah," Sam said, caught off guard.

The subway had not helped his fresh bruises any. The pain had only grown. It was distracting trying to ignore that to think up a believable excuse. But if he confessed to the bruising, Aunt May would surely demand to see. That was a trip to the ER and weeks of pretending to be hurt for sure.

"Um," Peter said.

"Uh," Petra added.

"I, uh, I've been having really bad migraines all day," Sam said, opting for a partial truth.

"Oh no! You poor thing, those are so awful! And those lights in your school must have made it so much worse," Aunt May said, reaching over to turn off the lights.

"Ah, yeah, it was pretty lame," Sam said, fidgeting with the cuff of his long sleeved undershirt.

"Why don't you head on upstairs and get some rest? I'm sure Danny will understand ending his meditations early," Aunt May said, moving to help Sam to the stairs. Sam drug his feet and tried to balk.

"No, no, Aunt May, that's alright! I'm fine now!" Sam protested, then winced as pain sliced through his head.

 _/my apologies for the pain but you are more stubborn than a_ trungbalx _/_

 _Why...?_ Sam thought woozily.

 _/if you are in your room you can wear me and this will go much faster/_

He leaned against Aunt May, or started to. Petra was there, helping him upstairs before he could protest.

"I'll send Peter on up with your plate and some tea," Aunt May called up behind them.

"Thanks so much Aunt May, I'll get Sam settled in," Petra said.

His head was splitting too much to protest. She pulled him in closer, the scent of her blackberry body splash and **Petra** filling his senses. Once Aunt May returned to the kitchen she even picked him up. He was in too much pain to enjoy her unexpected use of super strength. Or complain about being babied.

Petra helped him into the room he shared with Peter. This time on a Thursday, Danny was still meditating. Thick incense drifted out into the hall and Petra sneezed. Sam whimpered as her sneeze jarred his head.

 _Can't you stop it now? That hurt!_

 _/not until you don me/_

"Woops, sorry Short Stack. Here, rest a bit while Danny and I get the room fixed up," Petra said as she sat Sam down on Peter's bed. It had gotten made at some point while they were out. Another difference between Aunt May and his mom.

"Is all well? Sam's _chi_ is still in flux," Danny said, putting away his incense and other mediation supplies. Petra opened the window, trying to let out the scent tickling at her nose.

Danny rested his mediation kit on the desk and knelt in front of Sam. Sam blinked his eyes open.

"Star Child, what ails you?" Danny said, voice soft. Sam frowned at the nickname.

"His helmet is healing a brain injury so it can't heal his body," Petra explained. Sam grunted, annoyed but unwilling to lie to Danny about it.

"Perhaps I can help stabilize your chi?" Danny said, running his hands just above Sam's chakra.

 _/i cannot recommend this course of action/_

"Uh, thanks, but I just need my helmet," Sam said.

"If you are sure," Danny said, stepping back.

"Yeah man, thanks though," Sam said, pulling his helmet out of his bag and putting it on.

Petra got Sam's 'bed' ready. Danny watched Sam's suit materialize, studying how it changed his flow of chi. He nodded in apparent satisfaction once it had finished.

Sam did not try to float, instead walking over to his 'bed' and sitting down cross legged on it.

"You need anything, Nova?" Petra asked, a bit unsure.

"Yeah, don't eat my lasagna. I'll kick your butt when I'm all fixed up if you do," Sam said, before settling down to breathe deeply and try to mediate.

"I will defend your meal from your hungry spiders," Danny said, then softly and with a bow, "Namaste."

Sam smiled weakly, "Thanks Danny. Namaste."

"I would never!" Petra said, outraged. Danny was already out the door.

"Sure you wouldn't, webhead," Sam said, "now try and keep Aunt May from seeing me like this, hey?"

Petra's expression of great offense went ignored. Sam's eyes were closed and he was once again trying to breathe deeply and slowly.

Petra huffed, turning out the light as she stalked out the room.

* * *

"This lasagna was great! Thanks, Aunt May!" Petra said, plate empty. Her praise brought a chorus of agreement from her new teammates.

"Great as always, Aunt May!" Peter said, reaching for a fourth helping.

Uncle Mario's lasagna usually had beef in it, but Aunt May was accommodating this Iron Fist's vegetarian preferences. It didn't suffer at all. Though it was strange two people that were supposed to be the same could be so different. Besides the whole boobs, no boobs thing.

Petra stabbed her fork down, pinning Peter's fork to the serving dish.

"You should probably get a clean plate and fork for Sunshine. Just sayin," Petra said with a smile. A smile that the rest of the team knew meant 'I am smiling because I can't snark so please enjoy my super ultra polite kindness also I'm going to totally punch you the next chance I get'.

"Oh, that's right! Peter, please take a plate up to Sam. Oh, I was going to make some tea for him, too," Aunt May said. She put her fork down and started to push away from the table.

"Don't worry about it, Aunt May! We've got this!" Petra declared, setting her fork down and standing up. Not at all trusting Peter to not eat some of the food during delivery.

"Thank you, Petra, Peter. You're both such sweethearts!" Aunt May said, sitting back down, "Poor Sam, he must have had an awful day today. What with his migraines, and the news harping on his favorite hero."

"Uh, yeah. It must have been hard," Ava said, trying to hide a smirk at her double entendre behind a forkful of tomatoey-cheesy goodness.

Petra set to making a cup of tea with the microwave while Peter sulked towards the clean dishes.

"Yeah, Jay Jay Jerkface was giving Nova a heck of a time for makin' out with that menace Spider-Girl," Luke said, taking the chance to tease his 'bosses'.

"It was just one kiss!" Petra said with a blush.

"Yeah, one really stellar kiss," Ava teased.

"Well, it certainly looked very serious," Aunt May said, "I wonder how long they've been together? Spider-Girl hasn't been around very long, has she?"

"They're not dating!" Peter blurted.

Petra said nothing, staring at the microwave.

"Oh Peter dear, I know Nova is everyone's favorite. But really now, you should move on-" Aunt May began sympathetically.

"Yeah okay! Thanks Aunt May!" Peter said, a bit too loudly. Petra took the tea out before the microwave could beep.

Aunt May sighed and shook her head.

"We'll get Sam settled in, don't wait up on us," Petra said, running up the stairs with the tea.

"Sam?" Petra whispered, leaving the door open for Peter. She dropped the tea bag in the small trash by the desk, "You awake, Short Stack?"

The room was weirdly lit by the clear, blue-white glow of the Nova Force radiating from the Nova Power Stone in the back of Sam's helmet. Petra perched on the edge of the desk and looked around. It was almost like being underwater.

"Doesn't he usually glow more when he's floating?" Peter asked, perched across from her on the footboard of his bed. She hadn't noticed him come in.

"Uh… I don't know about this Nova. But yeah, Sammie usually glows more," Petra said, absently blowing at the scalding hot tea.

Sam was floating a few inches above the ground, still in his meditative baddha konasana pose.

Peter held Sam's dinner plate under his nose and waved it back and forth, "Heeere Sparky, Sparky, Sparky. Wakey, wa-"

* * *

 _nothingness_

 _the absolute black of space_

 _gases of a nebula flowing through his fingers_

 _getting caught_

 _pulling down_

 _up_

 _not a nebula_

 _a web_

 _wicked insects creeping past_

 _insects should be caught_

 _these are not_

 _a tiny spider crushed_

 _the web weakens_

"-key!"

" _¿en Flark xxu?_ " Sam yelped, jerking his head back and falling onto his pallet with a 'thwump'. The surreal lighting cut out as well.

" _¿Que?_ " Petra asked, cocking her head.

"Uhh," Sam said, staring at her in surprise.

"Soooo was that a no on dinner? Cause I'm totally-"

"Hey! Stop being such a pig, Porker!" Sam said, grabbing his plate and fork from Peter. Petra snickered then feigned innocence when Peter glared.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up chuckles," Peter said, "It's your name too you know."

"Hey!"

Sam ignored them, eating his pasta with gusto.

"What was that all about, anyways?" Peter asked, tilting his head, "I thought your helmet translated your stuff for you?"

Sam swallowed loudly and passed his now empty plate and fork back to Peter.

" _xuktmi_ ," Sam said with a shrug, then reached imperiously for his tea. Petra frowned and passed it over to him.

"You're just making stuff up," she accused. Sam chugged the still scalding hot tea.

"Yeah, I call shenanigans," Peter said, pointing accusingly

"I said 'sometimes', Webheads," Sam tossed the mug at Peter's head. He caught it and set it on the dirty plate, then set the dirty plate on his bed.

"Hey! Not cool, don't break Aunt May's tea cups!" Petra said. Sam looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.

"You really think Webs would let it break?" he asked, clearly amused.

"Well, no. But still!" Petra said, flustered and wiggling a bit. Sam carefully did *not* look at her jiggly bits.

"Just because the Guardians all have translators doesn't mean the rest of the galaxy does, you know," Sam said. His eyeroll actually visible without the glow of an active helmet.

"Everyone I've met did!" Petra said, smile bright. Completely delighted at showing Sam up. She bounced again, arms down in her spidery crouch making her extra jiggly.

Peter nodded vigorous agreement, then cracked his mouth open wide in a sleepy yawn.

" _¿ngegba hoh? Xel drapchpixj'damfk_ ," Sam said, staring up at the ceiling and not Petra's tits or Peter's wide mouth and slender throat *thank you very much*.

"Still not buyin' it, Buckethead," Peter got out.

" _¡ngegba!_ " Sam turned to Peter, " _Xel puq'drapchpixj'yat_ _ヽ_ _Xel damfk'drapch't Ain_ _「_ _Ain pugu'zta figh'zta_ _ヽ_ _Xel khtza'tAin fud'ng u sihx'tXext u scrim't'XenDomng_ _」_ and _Enq!_ "

"Uh… me?" she guessed, Sam pointed at her when he said what sounded like 'ink'. She glanced at Peter. He shrugged. Sam was going on though.

" _Xel damfk'drapch't Enq_ _「_ _Enq pugu'zte denari'zte_ _ヽ_ _Xel khtza'tEnqPex_ _ヽ_ _lex'ngEnqUpxng deg'krxop't'kaXen_ _」_ but what do **I** know?" Sam finished, "I mean, yeah, sure. I just made all that up offa the top of my concussed head."

"Okay. Okay. So maybe you aren't making it up," Petra conceded, "but that isn't any reason to insult us!"

"Yeah! No insulting your fearless leaders in moon language!" Peter said, sitting up straighter. Hands on his hips but legs still crouched.

"Who said I was insulting you two dorks?" Sam said, grinning and laying down on his 'bed' in a sprawl.

Peter and Petra shared a look at that.

"I was just saying if I had a translator then I wouldn't be able to speak xandest like that," he said, not bothering to translate all of his little speech.

 _/does that count as lying/_

 _Shut up._

 _/because you do know lying to a superior officer is an actionable offense/_

"Yeah, well, I've got a lot of history to catch up on for this paper due tomorrow," Petra said, stretching wide before hopping off the desk to walk out the room. Sam did his level best to not ogle her, but it was hard not to notice how her breasts bounced just so when she landed, or her hips swaying as she walked to the door.

"Pete, you coming?" she said, turning just a bit to catch his eye. He snapped his eyes back up and swallowed.

"Yeah!" he squeaked, then coughed and thumped his chest. Replying normally, "Yeah Pet! I'll be right there!"

"Okay! Thanks!" she said, smiling brightly.

Sam looked between the open door and Peter. Petra's deliberately loud steps fading down the hall.

"Dude," Sam said, stuck somewhere between chortling and shameful boner suppression. He settled on rolling onto his stomach and shooting Peter a look, "I know you're full of yourself but slobbering over your own butt takes it to a whole 'nother level."

Sam was extremely proud of how deadpan and not ragingly horny he sounded at the thought.

These two idiots were going to be the death of him one day.

 _/hopefully not today/_

 _That was a joke._

"Oh my God Sam! I was not!" Peter said, paling and blushing in turn.

Sam did chortle at that.

"Shut up, Sparky! You were looking too!" Peter said, face finally settling on mortified blushing. He threw a sock at Sam and ran out with the dirty plates, "Here's your ticket to date Palmela and the five sisters, dork!"

"Ugh! Gross! That's what the tissues are for you heathen!" Sam called after him. Then stared in horrified realization, "Oh my gods that wasn't webfluid I HATE YOU PARKER!"

 _/well i suppose that is to be expected/_

Peter's distant 'I hate you too!' reached him, along with the satisfying sound of Aunt May calling him out on being a total jerk to his sick friend.

 _I hate you too, you stupid bucket._

 _/rude/_

 _Though maybe…_ he thought, eyeing the nearby box of tissues.

/please do not/

His ribs twinged in pain and he settled back into his baddha konasana.

 _Exhale… two… three…_

 _Pause._

 _Inhale… two… three..._

To Be Continued...


	29. New York's 'Fave' Super Menaced!

Previously…

I hate you too, you stupid bucket _, Sam thought._

/rude/

Though maybe… _he thought, eyeing the nearby box of tissues._

/please do not/

 _He winced as his ribs twinged in pain. He settled back into his meditative baddha konasana._

Exhale… two… three…

Pause.

Inhale… two… three…

Pause.

Chapter Twenty Nine: Spider-Man, Spider-Girl Menace New York's 'Fave' Super!

Now…

Sam blinked awake with a lazy yawn. He had fallen asleep meditating again. His HUD had the local time at 0408. Peter was, of course, still asleep. Sam made a startled noise as he stared at Peter.

Bright as an energy blast, Peter seemed to glow. The rest of the room was washed out, like a pause screen almost. Dull and dim. A sparkling thread trailed out of Peter's brilliant glow, over the edge of his bed and meandered across the floor towards Sam. Or maybe his own 'bed', it was hard to tell with his own glow.

Noticing that thread brought a whole skein of other threads to light. There was a decent sized tangle around Sam himself. Many trailing off under the window, and then up. To space he guessed. Another, smaller tangle wove its way out the door. Mostly under it, but one thread that sparkled as bright as Peter's snaked out the top. They must be going to him and not his bed, then.

" _¿xxu?_ " Sam said. He frowned, that hadn't been English. He tried again, " _¿xxu?_ "

That was not 'what', well it was 'what' but the wrong language. The effort of speaking sent pain zinging just behind his eyes. He shook his head and noticed something else. He was floating.

Not that unusual for him, true. But the Nova Force was dormant. Floating without thinking about floating was new. Floating with no effort was not normal. So of course as soon as he noticed it, the color came back into the world and he fell to the floor with a crash.

"Wha?! Where?!" Peter yelped. Still half asleep but startled awake and now on the ceiling. Spidey-sense quiet, he squinted down in the dark at Sam.

Sam was laying in a rather uncomfortable position, well okay for Peter it probably would not rate noticing. But definitely for Sam it was—

" _¡deeeetxxtxx! ¡detxx'dot! megh'novatag_ ," Sam growled, glaring at his helmet.

 _/i am capable of calculations far in excess of your analogue human brain i am most certainly not stupid/_

" _¡yat! Khlqui q'meghxein."_

 _/you are being obnoxious/_

"Look, I am not awake enough for moon language—

" _¡Xandest!_ "

 _/i am not sure agent parker cares for the actual name of the language of the empire of the defenders/_

Peter rubbed at the bridge of his nose and continued on. "Whatever. Speak English and is that breakfast?"

Peter cocked his head and sniffed. Now that he mentioned it, the tasty smell of fresh arroz con leche * **was** * filling the house. Which meant Ava was likely awake. Despite the top of the line, mysteriously appearing, Rand Industries fuzzy logic rice cooker. She insisted on cooking breakfast exactly how she had learned. Which meant early Friday mornings practicing his rusty Spanish while he helped her make enough for everyone, usually.

 _/agent ayala can practice her xandest this morning/_

Sam harumphed.

 _/it is only fair/_

" _Khlqi q'drapch't_ ," he said, dissmissive.

The smell of Ava's homemade Puerto Rican breakfasts always reminded Sam of his mom's _horchata_. Even though he always drank it cold, and arroz con leche was steaming hot. It always brought back fond memories of stomping scorpions in the yard with Kaelynn and running into the house when they were done to chug down the sweet treat.

He pushed aside his memories with a grunt and sat up, helmet resting in his lap. His ribs and back no longer ached, very nice. But trying to think in, and speak English was painful. And, " _deng'ngXel drapch'tAnglodest_ _ヽ_ _xedo_ _ヽ_ _¡xandest qa'drapch't u detxx'dotXel!_ " Not very successful. He even tried Spanish, " _ekh drapch'tEspandest detxx'dotXel uuuuu xein'ngXandest_ _ヽ_ _deldamfk."_

Peter dropped down to the floor with silent grace, too tired to pretend he wasn't naturally silent.

"You already convinced me last night this is a real language. Come on, I'm hungry. Get dressed," Peter said, stomach growling. He stayed crouched down low.

 _/my apologies but your language and speech centers are undergoing repair/_

" _ngegba? haengbgBgkah tekuXel dot?_

"Sam."

 _/they should be back online and fully operational in one half cycle/_

" _deldamfk_."

"* **Sam** *."

 _/longer if you are needed for a mission/_

Sam looked at Peter, catching his grumpy gaze. Slowly, deliberately, he said, " _dotxein'ngXen drapch'tAnglodest._ "

"Sam, cut it out," Peter said, eyes narrowing.

Sam sighed and looked down at his helmet, " _Khlqi lend'ngAibe_ "

 _/if it will calm you then yes i will explain/_

Sam plopped his golden helmet on Peter's head.

"I don't want—! Oh, hi helmet. Uh. Hmmm. Oh. Ooooooh! Oh no! Really? *Really*. Well I wish I could say I'm surprised, but, well," Peter shrugged, "Yeah. Yeah, okay! Later!"

Peter handed the Nova helmet back to Sam. Sam stared between the two with suspicion.

 _/just be happy that your speech recognition centers are operational or this would really be very frustrating/_

Sam sighed.

"Okay, you're staying home today. You need to focus on getting better," Peter said, frowning sternly at Sam.

" _¡Xatcha_ _ヽ_ _Yatyat xixxtmet'zte hixufBgkah!_ ," Sam said brightly, then winced as his celebration brought back pain in his skull.

"Right, no 'extracurricular activities' or superheroing or anything that will slow your healing," Peter said.

" _exuuuuu xluflang_ ," Sam said with a pout.

 _/you cannot perform well enough to engage more than petty criminals anyways/_

Sam shrugged.

"I'm serious Sparky, and don't play down your injuries next time!" Peter said leaning into Sam's personal space.

" _Hoh Xanvo qa'Ain_ ," Sam huffed, refusing to back down.

Peter's blue eyes flashed in annoyance. He dropped his arms down, wrists sliding against Sam's hips. Sam gulped as Peter leaned in. Pinning him with his searing blue gaze and bigger body.

"Don't make me get Pet in on this. You stay here, get better, and if at all possible behave," Peter said, his voice low. Sam swallowed and nodded.

" _Yat_ ," he agreed. Trying desperately to put out of mind how Peter and Petra might work together to make him behave.

"That better be yes sir, Spidey, sir or you're gonna regret it!" Peter said, still leaning over him. Before Sam could respond he was leaping up and grabbing his clothes for the day. "Stay here, I'll run interference on Aunt May."

Before he could scramble out the door to beat Luke to the hot water, the shower turned on.

"Dang it! I thought for sure I woke up early enough today!" Peter whined, sinking down into a crouch before the door and looking up at it pitifully.

From down the hall they could hear Luke's surprised exclamation. Peter opened the door and stuck his head out. Sam sighed and squirmed around, trying to meditate. Or pretend to at any rate.

 _/your meditation does aid my healing/_

"Luke? That's not you?" Peter called. Luke shook his head and headed their way.

"No, man, I guess Petra woke up with Ava this morning. Sam? You doin' okay?" Luke asked, a bit surprised he was still in bed. Usually by this time on Fridays he was down in the kitchen keeping Ava company.

" _Ya xeinbolk'rk qa'draptchXetal_ _丶_ _Xel dhpa-jeltLedt_ ," Sam said with a lazy shrug.

"Oh, uh. I think I got maybe half of that but, I guess if you're stuck speaking Xandarian you're not coming to school then, huh?" Luke said. Peter stood up, nodding decisively.

"Yeah, he's grounded until his bucket gives me the all clear," Peter said.

"Rough man, but hey! Aunt May is heading out on her white water rafting retreat after breakfast so at least you, uh," Luke gestured at his head, meaning Sam's helmet, "you can rest."

" _che yat_ ," Sam said with a shrug.

"I know you can handle yourself, but I'll try to keep this bottomless pit from eating your breakfast," Luke said, giving Peter a friendly shove.

Peter flopped over dramatically. Sam snorted.

"Woah, sorry man! I'm not awake yet," Luke said, embarrassed and worried. Peter waved his hand dismissively from his heap on the floor.

"No big, I'm cool," he said.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee, I call next!" Luke said, heading down the hall and down stairs.

Sam laughed at Peter's frustrated 'cursing'.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna have to deal with a cold shower today too you know," Peter grumped, getting up and heading downstairs as well.

" _Ain_ _q'drapch't_ ," Sam shrugged.

Peter frowned at him, but after a moment he gave up trying to figure out if it had been an insult.

"Behave," he said sternly as he left his room.

" _Haik! Haikyat wa'Delkva!_ " Sam snarked, saluting sloppily from his meditative rest.

Once Peter left he settled in for another round of meditation. Or tried to. His mind wandered, getting lost in memories of his family. Video chatting with them just wasn't the same, but his helmet could be tracked by Thanos' agents. It was too risky living with them.

Peter came back in some time later, while he was replaying a vid of all of them together on his HUD. Kae was tiny in it, he was little, too. It was from his dad, some time before his drinking had gotten really bad again. He could even sort of remember it if he tried. He ended the playback as Peter came back in. He watched him, pretending to meditate.

Peter was muttering to himself again. He didn't need an audio enhancement to know it was to some unseen audience. He tended to do that more than he realized, and anyone that spent enough time around Peter noticed. Probably complaining about his shower being cold, again.

He watched him drop his towel and shiver. He felt a smidge guilty watching him without him knowing. He clearly thought he was actually meditating. But his too large clothes hid his finely muscled physique all too well. And they were usually too busy when he was in his super suit for Sam to-

 _/i am fairly certain ogling your superior officer under dubious pretences is in violation of at least two shield orders/_

Sam jumped at that. Having forgotten his helmet could now do more than send emotions and images his way.

"Everything okay, Buckethead?" Peter asked. Surprisingly not oblivious for one of his internal rants.

" _¡ah del'naz! qa'del'naz Xel_ ," Sam said, sweating and waving his hand dismissively. Trying to play it off.

Peter pulled on his boxers and stalked over to Sam's pallet. He crouched down, muscles flexing. Sam swallowed.

" _Hohoho Jegby_ _丶_ _ngegba Xel qa'del_ ," Sam said, his laughter a bit forced.

"What's a yeggbee? You said negehgbah was, what, 'really'?" Peter frowned, trying to figure out what Sam was saying. It was completely unfair that Luke and Ava apparently knew this space language while he, the team leader no less, had zero training in it.

" _Jegby_ ," Sam said, pointing at Peter. Then he added " _Yat ngegba xein'ngegba_."

"I'm a yeggbee?" Peter said, still mispronouncing it, "That sounds dumb, what's wrong with Peter? Or is that Spidey? Are you-! No, no you wouldn't even call me Spidey if you were being tortured to death, ugh," Peter rambled, ending with a disappointed sigh.

" _Yat_ ," Sam agreed. He grinned lazily.

"What's wrong with Peter? Can't you say *that*?" he complained.

" _Che_ ," Sam shrugged, eyes sliding away.

"You *can* say Peter!" he gloated. Sam squirmed uncomfortably. Peter grinned, "Come on *Sam*, what's wrong?"

"Megh'Tuhl," Sam mumbled.

 _/there is nothing stupid about a xandarian accent/_

"No idea what you're saying. But I do know it isn't anything close to 'Peter' so, come on!" Peter said. Sam wouldn't be this reluctant without a good, and he was willing to bet hilarious reason.

" _Pehtr_ ," Sam muttered. Peter giggled.

"Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you *Sam*," Peter said, grinning. And lying through his teeth.

"¡ _Pehtr_!" Sam snapped, blushing.

"Hey what's taking you so long? We gotta jet! Gah, Pete! Put a shirt on!" Petra said, ducking her head and blushing.

"Oh my gosh Pet you gotta hear this!" Peter said, gleeful and wiggling.

"dam," Sam denied.

"Oh my God, get dressed!" Petra said, though she stepped in and turned to Sam. "What do I just gotta hear, Short Stack?"

Sam whined.

Peter obliged her and resumed his interrupted dressing.

"Come on, *Sam*. Say it!"

"Dam!" Sam said, crossing his arms and looking away. Clearly sulking.

Petra pounced over, unrestrained breasts jiggling as she landed. Sam blushed and looked the other way, still being stubborn.

"Look, he's gonna tell us all on the way to school anyways. Just get it over with so I can make sure he isn't making anything up," Petra said. Sam sighed.

" _Pehtr_ ," he said, still sulking. Petra clapped and giggled.

"Oh my God that's adorable! Do me! Do me!" she said, bouncing just as Peter had.

" _P-Pehtrya_ ," Sam stuttered. Then he blushed further, " _Xel qa'wugi'damfk_!"

"Oh no, it is super adorable!" Peter said, making assumptions about what Sam was saying. Correct one's as it happened.

"Totes," Petra agreed, hopping up, "Come on Pete, let's beat it!"

Peter, now dressed, grabbed his backpack and tossed a wave at Sam.

"Behave *Sam*," Peter said as he followed Petra out the door.

" _Haikyat_ ," Sam said after the door closed, rude and sarcastic.

He closed his eyes and resumed his interrupted attempts at meditation.

Someone had left him a heaping portion of arroz con leche, slathered in honey and butter and cinnamon just outside his, no Peter's door. Just like he liked it. It must have been Luke since his drink was his 'infamous' special calorie boost protein shake. Despite his extreme loathing for the flavor and aftertaste of the shake, Sam was no stranger to eating disgusting food to survive. He choked the shake down first, and 'rewarded' himself with Ava's delicious rice.

The rest of the morning passed uneventfully. Aunt May left one of her green 'power' smoothies on a tray outside his door before she left. Despite his big breakfast a few hours earlier, he was still hungry. She had added plenty of pineapple juice to the kale and wheatgrass smoothie so it was easy enough to drink down in one go.

He thought about playing some 'Galaxy Defenders' on his own, but focusing his eyes outside of his HUD and nearfield vision was painful.

 _/no i will not assist you in playing games you must rest so i can heal you/_

Sam grunted and sat down on his pallet, pulling out his homework. Might as well… he looked up at Peter's desk and cackled. No Peter to stop him from using his desk **now**.

He took his books to it and pulled out Peter's chair, working through his Pre-Cal homework. He moved on to his homework from his other classes as well. Getting it out of the way in the hopes it'd pass the time.

Homework finished, he opened his sketchbook and started drawing. Mostly somewhat childish imaginings of an even sweeter super space suit for himself, but also redesigning his teammate's suits too. Many of the redesigns were the silly, impractical imaginings of seventeen year old boy. But some of them were worth showing to his team mates. Those he thought they'd not punch him for drawing^103. Detailed sketch finished, he turned the page and let his mind wander.

When his stomach growled he realized it was already past lunch time. He tried hovering to the door but only made it a few feet before he had to walk. He groaned and complained to himself about it.

 _/i am working as fast as possible if you can sleep or meditate after this meal that would be ideal/_

" _Ya ya_ ," Sam agreed with a dismissive wave of his hand. They were still out of bread, and there were no leftovers from last night's dinner or this morning's breakfast. Sam glared at the tempeh taco mix balefully.

 _/there are always my home made ration bars/_

His helmet helpfully reminded him. Sam made a face of disgust at that and pulled out the tempeh. He ate it quickly, using his hands and a bit of Nova Force to heat it up. At least Danny liked it spicy.

Aunt May had set out a few different boxes of herbal teas, and Luke had set out his protein powder. Sam made a face at that and drank down two full, big glasses of water before heading back upstairs. He stopped in contemplation at the bathroom.

 _/we have enough water for your body to survive twelve by twelve cycles and also any waste i process will delay your healing/_

Sam grumbled to himself as he did his business in the restroom. Then, pretense gone with everyone else, he crawled under Peter's covers and closed his eyes. Drifting off to Peter's comforting, slightly spicy scent.

LINE BREAK

Sam was still sleeping when the team got home. Peter let him rest, satisfied that Sam had mostly obeyed him.

It wasn't until later that afternoon, when Peter went to do his homework that he was annoyed by realizing Sam had used **his** desk. Nevermind that he hadn't been here, everything was out of place now. Peter complained to his 'audience' about how stifling living with his teammates was.

He moved Sam's books and notes onto Sam's bed. And now, Sam being in **his** bed was irritating instead of cute. He turned back to flip Sam's stupid sketchbook closed before freezing. He stared at the little ink doodles littering the page of the open book.

It was mostly Nova, Spider-Man, and Spider-Girl. One quick drawing of Nova standing triumphant on some big bad, with Spider-Man and Spider-Girl floating on cartoon hearts. All the speech bubbles were in a script he couldn't read, but, well, it was pretty obvious he and Petra were saying something like 'You're so stellar Nova!' in that one.

There were others, too. Little, cute, panel comics of Sam, as Nova, bringing Peter and Petra gifts and getting chaste kisses in return. From each of them separately and then both of them at once.

Peter swallowed. There were more than the innocent, almost too cute little drawings of Nova being rewarded with kisses.

"I didn't even know that was an **option** ," Peter muttered, referring to the rather graphic 'art' of Spider-Girl, Nova and Spider-Man together. That wasn't even the kinkiest one, either.

"Shut up, nosebleeds aren't a thing," Peter mumbled at his shoulder. He looked back at Sam, sleeping in his bed. His helmet gleamed in the light, but he was snoring softly. Getting drool all over his pillows no doubt.

Peter turned back to the page. If it was just him… well he'd probably wake Sam up with kisses and demand all the snuggles. They could sort out the details later. But…

Peter looked back at Sam, thinking. He and Petra **had** agreed to combine their efforts and torment Sam to the maximum they could. But if his art was anything to go by, he really was crushing on both of them. Hard.

He still hadn't told Sam about Harry and him making up today. Even throwing a party just for them after patrol tomorrow night to show no hard feelings. Which gave him and Petra the perfect opportunity to plan. Peter tore out the page and put Sam's sketchbook underneath his textbooks on his bed. He folded the paper neatly and put it in his pocket.

"Step into my parlor," Peter giggled to himself as he left his room, seeking out Petra for an impromptu plotting session.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

103 Mostly Ava, and now Petra, were his greatest worries. Danny seemed to posses no shame or sense of tactical clothing options. Luke, of course, didn't actually need anti-ballistic materials in his super suit. And would never punch him outside of training, anyways. Peter designed his own suits and snarked Sam mightily for trying to design them for him. For reasons neither fully understood, Ava actually enjoyed Sam's efforts. As long as they made tactical sense.


	30. NYC's Official Cutest Hero BRAINWASHED!

Previously...

 _Peter looked back at Sam, thinking. He and Petra *had* agreed to combine their efforts and torment Sam to the maximum they could. But if his art was anything to go by, he really was crushing on both of them. Hard._

 _He still hadn't told Sam about Harry and him making up today. Even throwing a party just for them after patrol tomorrow night to show no hard feelings. Which gave him and Petra the perfect opportunity to plan. Peter tore out the page and put Sam's sketchbook underneath his textbooks on his bed. He folded the paper neatly and put it in his pocket._

" _Step into my parlor," Peter giggled to himself as he left his room, seeking out Petra for an impromptu plotting session._

Now…

 _ **30 NYC's Official Cutest Hero BRAINWASHED BY SPIDERS?!**_

Sam woke up to the heavenly smell of slow cooking _carne mechada_ and fresh _sofritos_. His stomach rumbled a protest and his HUD informed it had been way too long since lunch.

 _/another meal and rest and you should be well enough to deploy again/_

" _¡yayat!_ " Sam said, rejoicing at finally being able to get back to taking down bad guys. He floated out of bed, stretching and yawning.

 _/endurance levels are still suboptimal i cannot recommend exerting yourself in this manner/_

" _Ya ya_ ," Sam said, waving his hand dismissively. His headache was gone and he was starving. He darted out the door and into the kitchen in a blue-white blur of light.

" _¿jng'ngXxu qa'Xenva?¡nogYat'Xel!_ " Sam greeted. Ava yelped and nearly clawed him in surprise.

"Oh, now you show up!" Ava said, annoyed. The _sofritos_ was already in a truly massive serving dish. Sam gave her his best 'I'm a complete shit but you love me anyways' grin. She rolled her eyes.

" _pell'tXel_ ," Sam said, picking up the dish and floating with it over to the kitchen table.

"Thanks, Buckethead. Nice to see you up and about," Ava said.

Sam shrugged. Then in another blue blur he'd gathered up all the dirty cookware into the sink and set to cleaning it.

"Are you sure you should be using your powers for that? Peter said your helmet is still fixing your brain, and getting Xandarian lessons from you is like pulling teeth from a tiger," Ava said, frowning as he started drying the dishes with his Nova Force.

"Or a dragon. Please, Sam let me finish," Danny said as he came into the kitchen.

" _¡yinekXel!_ ," Sam protested. Though he handed Danny the dishes to dry and only complained a little bit when Danny set their place settings at the table.

"Hmm, I do not know Nova language, but I do know you. You are still not well, Star Child," Danny said. Ava smirked at the nickname.

"He said he was fine," Ava confirmed.

The timer on the slow cooker chimed and Luke poked his head in.

"Is dinner ready? Oh, Sam! How you doing man?" Luke asked.

" _bgalXel_ ," Sam said. Luke grinned.

"It isn't ready yet, you bottomless pit," Ava said, annoyed.

"Hey! **I'm** not the bottomless most pit in **this** house," Luke said in his defense. Ava frowned.

"Where are those two black holes, anyways?" she asked.

" _gihda'rk'damfkXel_ ," Sam shrugged.

"I believe they are studying in the guest bedroom," Danny said.

Sam floated over to the slow cooker and picked the crock up out of the base. Danny laid out a trivet for him as Ava leaned out the kitchen.

"Would you two stop making out and get your butts down here! Dinner's ready!" she called up the stairs. Her joking was still more miss than hit. Sam nearly dropped the roast at the sudden mental image that conjured up.

He managed to land and walk it the rest of the way to the table. But that image Ava's words put in his head wouldn't get out. Of Peter and Petra, together, kissing. Their hair mussed and and eyes dark with lust. His mouth went dry and his heart started racing.

Their nearly identical shrieks of offended protest went mostly ignored, though they scrambled downstairs in record time.

"Short Stack, you're up!" Petra said, smiling.

"How're you doing? Should you **be** up yet? How's your head, still empty?" Peter said, he was also smiling.

" _che_ _丶_ _drapch'tAin Jegby,_ " Sam said, glowering at them both.

The team sat down to eat, serving themselves and digging into the filling fare with gusto. Dinner was filled with the usual chit chat and compliments to the cook. Ava and Luke translating for Sam as best they could. Sam was on his third helping, fairly unusual for him, when Peter remember something.

"Oh, yeah! Harry got back to me today! We're still friends!" Peter said, turning to Sam. Sam swallowed his mouthful with a noisy gulp.

" _delAin_ _ヽ_ _Xel qa'tipa Jegby!_ " Sam said, smiling and bumping shoulders with him.

"He says, 'Good for you' I think would be most accurate," Ava chimed in.

"Really? All that just for 'Good for you'?" Petra asked, quirking her eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. But that was just the first part. Then he said, uh. I think either 'I have happy for webs' or 'my webs make me happy'," Luke added.

Sam shrugged and resumed eating. It was close enough.

"Thanks Buckethead!" Peter said, wiggling just a bit before going for fourths.

" _ximtomm_ ," Sam mumbled around his mouth full of food.

Ava and Luke shrugged. It was hard to understand.

Petra and Peter bumped his shoulders with theirs.

"What was that Short Stack?" Petra asked.

"Speak up, Sparky!" Peter said.

" _¡ximtomm!_ " Sam blurted, before shoveling more food in his mouth and chewing loudly.

"Oh, 'Welcome'," Luke said. Then frowned, "though I thought saying it like that could get you in trouble. Because it could mean-"

" _htch htch htch_ ," Sam said, waving dismissively and drawing their attention to himself, " _ith gongj'tdamfk'dot_ _・_ _¿Xano xxreh?_ "

"Yeah, sure Short Stack," Luke said, smirking but dropping it.

"Right. 'Not important', uh huh. And no, if you want dessert you're gonna have to make it yourself," Ava said.

" _exuu xluflang_ ," Sam said, pouting. It was ruined by a massive yawn.

"Your chi is not yet stabilized," Danny commented. Sam sighed.

"Oh wait, there isn't any sweets? Avaaaaa," Peter whined, pouting and giving her is best injured puppy look.

"What! No cheesy guava bread? But that's soooo goooood," Petra whined. Pouting just as hard.

"Petra, please. Peter, **you** know I can't bake, do you **really** want my desserts?" Ava asked, annoyed and amused in turn.

"The results without Sam's help **are** rather unfortunate," Danny said.

" _ya weka'Xel_ ," Sam said, preening just a bit.

Luke and Ava rolled their eyes, not bothering to translate.

"Okay, guys. Everyone got their homework done?" Peter asked, finishing his plate and standing up.

"Yep! It's time to patrol. Spidey and I will split up," Petra said, pushing up as well. Peter frowned at her, then stacked his plate on top of hers. She looked at him, confused.

"Yes! Spidey will take patrol plan Alpha while I'll take Patrol Plan Bravo. Tiger Fist and Power Man you guys take Patrol Plans Delta through Foxtrot," Peter said.

"Say what now? Why do we still have four routes when there's three of us?" Luke said, frowning.

"The numbers do not match," Danny said, nodding.

"Obviously because Spidey knows we can handle it, duh!" Ava snapped.

Sam perked up, speaking rapidly in Xandarian. Clearly trying to convince Ava of something.

"Sam! You are not telling your helmet to do anything stupid," Ava said standing up fast enough her chair made a rather loud sound and wobbled alarmingly.

"His helmet won't let him, I gave it direct orders," Peter said, smug.

Sam picked up the empty dishes on the table and flew them to the sink. His legs tucked up and shoulders hunched, sulking. He pretended to ignore Peter's gloating.

The rest of his team looked rather more relieved at this than Sam would have liked. It wasn't like he couldn't help! But…

 _/there is no need to strain your body unduly/_

Sam sighed, washing dishes and setting them on the drying rack.

 _/you will be restored to one hundred percent fighting capacity when next you wake/_

Sam tried to ignore the rest of his team getting ready for the patrol tonight. He definitely wasn't pouting about getting the night off. That was just ridiculous.

 _/defenders do not pout/_

 _Exactly_. Sam nodded, actually in agreement with his helmet.

Sam looked behind him, the others had either left out one of the windows or were still getting changed. He focused his Nova force in his hands, hot enough to evaporate water but cool enough to leave Aunt May's plates unhurt.

It was… way more tiring than it should be, but he **was** doing it. He used his enhanced speed to dry the dishes. He had to take an unexpected breather before he started to put them away.

"Hey now, Sparky," Spider-Man said, taking the stack of clean and dry dishes from Sam. Sam did not squeak in surprise. _Where had he come from?_

His helmet didn't bother to respond to his rhetorical question.

"I thought Danny said your chi is still all wibbildy? You need to stop pushing yourself so hard," Petra said from his other side. Sam floated away from them, heart racing. How could he always, always forget how silently they could actually move? And were they **trying** to give him a heart attack?

" _Ya_ … _ytnax_ ," Sam hedged.

They moved with him, staying on the ceiling. Something about their movements sent shivers up and down Sam's spine.

" _Xel panj't'Hab_ ," Sam said dropping to his feet and backing away from them. The both cocked their heads.

"Don't look at me, I haven't heard him say that before," White Tiger said from behind him.

"I think it's like, beat the ground?" Power Man asked, cocking his head at Sam.

" _panj't'Hab_ ," Sam repeated, then sighed at their blank looks and said, " _xili'ng_ _ヽ_ _uxi't_ _ヽ_ _anbe'rk_ "

"Oh! Rest!"

"Sleep!"

" _Yat uxi't_ ," Sam said.

Peter and Petra eyed him suspiciously. Sure that he was up to something.

"You better be doing just that when we get back, then," Petra said. Peter nodded his agreement.

"Yeah, go lay down, stay, good Sparky," Peter said, pointing up at his room. Sam glowered at him.

"I believe we should begin our patrol," Iron Fist said, redirecting their attention to himself. Sam gave a silent sigh of relief.

"Yeah, okay!" Spider-Man nodded. White Tiger, Iron Fist and Power Man left on their patrol route.

"Let's kick some stupid boy ass!" Spider-Girl declared, leaping out the open window for her route.

"Rude, sometimes there are stupid girl butts to kick, too, you know." Spider-Man protested as he followed her for a short ways.

His team's bickering faded into the distance as they went their separate ways. Sam sighed and shut the window. It was so… strange. He used to be delighted at any chance to goof off and not work that he could take.

But now he just wanted to be out there with his team, his friends. Not stuck in here doing boring chores and homework. He stuck out his tongue in the direction of Spider-Man's route. Stupid? Yes. But he felt a bit better as he got ready for bed.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼


	31. Too Tired to Think up a Proper Title

Previously…

 _His team's bickering faded into the distance as they went their separate ways. Sam sighed and shut the window. It was so… strange. He used to be delighted at any chance to goof off and not work that he could take._

 _But now he just wanted to be out there with his team, his friends. Not stuck in here doing boring chores and homework. He stuck out his tongue in the direction of Spider-Man's route. Stupid? Yes. But he felt a bit better as he got ready for bed._

Now…

 **31 The Author is Too Tired to Think up a Proper Title**

Sam woke. He couldn't quite remember his dreams, but he was sure it had been something to do with spider husks sucked empty by wicked, hungry bugs. He yawned and stretched, glow unintentionally brightening as he woke up.

Peter was sprawled, half covered by his comforter. Nerdy pajamas as rumpled as his hair. Sam sighed. Why did Spider-Man have to be so **cute**. And more importantly, **why** had he agreed with Danny to room with Peter?

Every morning was a trial of sleepy blue eyes and pouty chapped lips. Awkward morning boners and never talked about post nightmare cuddles. The new Tricarrier couldn't be completed soon enough, really.

Peter whined and tried to bury his head under a pillow at the sudden increase in light. Sam smiled softly, he was really **too** cute.

 _/good morning defender mine i am happy to report that you are returned to one hundred percent fighting capacity/_

"Alright! _¡Yayat!_ " Sam cheered, pumping his fist in delight. Finally! He could get back out there and kick some villain ass!

"My brain 's fixed too? Yeah!" Sam flitted about the room. His headache was gone. Powers flowing into him almost easier than before. Though it was probably just wishful thinking. And he was speaking English again.

 _/not exactly but close enough for kinetic strikes/_

Peter continued to grumpily protest Sam's bright and loud existence from under his pillow.

"What'd'ya mean 'not exactly', I feel great!" Sam said, twirling in place and admiring his glow. It seemed, somehow, to contain more depth than it had yesterday. Or did it?

 _/your ability to speak english is restored however your spanish is still being repaired and your native language is still set to xandarian/_

"Eh," Sam shrugged, waving his hand dismissively, "Close enough."

 _/there are very tricky bits of developing human minds that still need to be fully set first/_

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sam said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Sam!" Peter bellowed, sitting up and throwing a pillow at him. "Some of us are trying to sleep! Be a noisy glow stick somewhere else!"

Sam caught the pillow and threw it back at Peter, blowing him a raspberry in response.

"Hey! Rude! I'm finally back in top form and you're all hissy with me!" Sam protested floating over his bed and pouting.

Peter blinked blearily up at Sam.

"Hey wait, you're not speaking moon language!" Peter said.

"Duh! Didn't you hear me? My worldmind says I'm good to go!" Sam said, puffing up.

"How could I hear your worldmind when I'm asleep, Bucket Head?" Peter grumbled.

"Whatever," Sam said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Your accent sounds funny though, not like before," Peter said, tilting his head and looking up at Sam.

"My accent does **not** sound funny!" Sam barked back, glow flaring with his anger.

"It dooooeeees, it sounds adoooorable," Peter taunted, unable to resist. Then he yawned, the sweet sound of his bed calling him back to it.

"I am **not** adorable!" Sam shouted. "I'm a Nova!"

Peter looked up at him, at his frowning face and hands at his side, balled into fists. The way he was hovering over Peter to stay tall. Peter noded solemnly.

"You're absolutely right, Sam. How could I ever mistake you for adorable?"

"Better," Sam said, crossing his arms over his chest and relaxing.

"You're way too annoying for that," Peter teased.

"Rude! Fine, I didn't wanna hang with you anyways!" Sam snapped.

Sam flew to the kitchen in a huff. Stupid spiders.

Peter sleepily watched him go. Had Sam been making the room… colder? It suddenly felt way too hot. He kicked off his covers before falling back into bed.

"Good morning, Star Child," Danny greeted as he came into the kitchen.

"Morning Danny! Samcakes for everyone!" Sam said, seemingly whole and happy. The serving platter next to him was already stacked with 'samcakes'+really just aunt may's pancakes minus the extra fiber she snuck in+ and he was still cooking more, though he was running out of batter.

From long experience ^104 Danny knew they'd need more to keep five super powered teenagers full until lunch. He pulled out another mixing bowl and set to mixing up more batter.

"Thanks!" Sam said. Both pleased at Danny's assistance and his lack of teasing over his accent.

"Of course," Danny said, a bit too early yet for zen wisdom.

The shower turned on, likely Luke waking up now. Man, this stupid head injury made him miss the last of the hot water for the day. Not for the first time he wondered if he should hack the hot water^105.

 _/is that really a worthwhile use of your skills/_

 _Eh, too much effort_ , Sam conceded to his helmet's question. He and Danny chatted about last night's patrol, Midtown's soccer team and the various benefits of different yoga and meditative stances. It was really **nice** , feeling like part of an almost **family**.

"Ugh, the weather didn't forecast a heat wave," Ava complained. Coming in from her morning jog drenched in sweat and looking extremely displeased. Sam and Danny looked out the window, the sun was only just now rising.

"That is rather unusual for this time of year," Danny agreed. During their cooking and chatting the shower had turned off and presumably Luke was now in his room getting ready for the day. Ava grabbed a clean kitchen rag and wiped off the sweat running down her face.

"Tell me about it, and SHIELD didn't bother to install air conditioning when they 'renovated' either," Ava groaned. There was a kerfuffle upstairs. Followed by Petra's triumphant shout, then the shower turning back on.

Sam checked his HUD for the current room temperature and frowned. It was standard room temperature where he was floating. He flitted over to the living room, not noticing Ava shiver in his wake. Same temperature here.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," he said, sounding bored instead of confused. Ava and Danny shared a look. Danny flipped the last pancake onto the loaded serving platter and turned off the stove.

"Star Child, can you return, slowly, to the kitchen?" Danny asked. Sam floated around to face them. He tilted his head at the question then shrugged.

"Whatever," he lazily made his way back over to the kitchen. Danny and Ava nodded as if that proved something.

"You're making the rooms colder when you're in them," Ava told him, following him into the kitchen and pouring herself some milk.

"It would appear so. This is a new power?" Danny asked, moving the serving platter to the kitchen table.

 _/not exactly/_

"Uh, I don't think so? I just wasn't doing it on purpose…" Sam trailed off, frowning and focusing his attention internally. Trying to get his helmet to explain. Or maybe figure out what he was doing. He dropped down to his feet, glow cutting out. Luke came downstairs, giving Sam's shoulder a friendly squeeze as he passed him and headed straight for breakfast.

 _/it is more of a subtle control than directed/_

 _Wow, so helpful_ , Sam snarked back. He had no idea what that meant. But with his glow out, the temperature of the room **was** slowly, steadily rising. Sam lit up again, floating up at Luke's eye level. But whatever he'd been doing before, without realizing, wasn't happening now that he was trying to make it.

He shrugged at his teammates.

"Sorry, I dunno what I was doing but I can't get it back," Sam said, pretending not to care. Though inside he was frustrated.

"Hey, did your noggin' get fixed?" Luke asked him around a mouthful of pancakes.

"Pretty much! Yeah!" Sam said, perking up. Peter flicked his helmet with his fingers as he sulked past on the ceiling, annoyed that Petra beat him to his own bathroom. Sam floated away, frowning.

"Except for his dorky accent he's just like new," Peter snarked, thwipping some pancakes to himself and munching them sulkily on the ceiling. Ava shook her head and rinsed out her glass, setting it in the sink.

"It is not dorky!" Sam snapped, puffing up and getting ready to fight. Or rather verbally fight. He definitely did **not** want to break any of Aunt May's things. That would be a bad time.

"Truly, it is as fine an accent as any," Danny commented, giving Peter a reproving look. Sam straightened up at that.

"Yeah, that's not cool, even if it is kinda dorky you don't tell people that," Luke chastised.

"Gee thanks, Luke," Sam said, not sure whether to feel insulted or defended.

"Yeah, we're not making fun of **your** dorky accent, Webs," Ava said on her way up the stairs. She needed a shower, and wasn't going to wait around for Peter to finish breakfast.

"Accent? What accent? What's wrong with being from Queens, anyways!" Peter said, laughing a bit nervously.

"Webs, you sound like a-" Sam started, before Petra pulled him up to her in a rather soft and jiggly hug. He hadn't even heard the shower stop, though it wasn't running now that he listened for it.

"Sam! You're okay!"

"Guh," Sam said intelligently, suddenly, immensely thankful he'd taken her shopping and she'd been convinced to get undershirts. Even if they were rather low cut camis. He was pretty sure he'd have just flat out died if she'd hugged his face into her naked boobs.

Though that might have been better. He could feel his body responding, ignoring his frantic 'nonononono' and thoughts of anything disgusting he could remember happening, like ever.

"Yeah I'm great okay gotta go, enjoy breakfast!" Sam managed to get out, speaking quickly and pushing away from Petra's **incredibly strong** embrace. He struggled against her for a moment longer before he broke free and made it to the now free bathroom in record time. Ava stood in the hallway, clean clothes in her hands.

"Sam what the hell?!" she called to him through the door.

"Sorry! Couldn't wait!" Sam yelled back. His stupid boner was **still** happening. **Not** going away no matter how much he wanted it to. His suit pinched uncomfortably and it was **incredibly fucking obvious** through the thin, alien material. Sam buried his face in his hands. Then took a steadying breath and pulled off his helmet. Suit dematerializing and street clothes taking it's place.

He double checked that the door was locked and stepped away, grabbing a handful of tissues.

"No big deal, Alexander, okay, just, just fuckin' deal with it and move on," Sam muttered to himself.

[censored for full scene on archive of our own]

"Sam! Hurry up! I-"

Sam jumped, having forgotten for a moment that he wasn't exactly alone. He dropped the dirty tissues into the toilet and flushed.

"Yeah, yeah. Hold your tigers!" Sam snapped, tucking his softening cock back into his pants before doing them up.

He turned on the water and scrubbed his hands clean, hopefully there wouldn't be any more embarrassing boners for the day. Especially in super suits. Those were **the worst**.

A quick drying of his hands and one more quick check in the mirror for any mess he'd missed^106 and he was opening the door. Ava pushed inside, her soft body pushing him out of the way. She was cute, very cute, and if he hadn't just jerked it he'd have been embarrassed again, for sure.

She tossed his helmet at him before slamming the door. Sam caught it easily.

 _/so rude/_

 _I could have dropped you,_ he thought at it. Though without his helmet it was hot. And not hot like Arizona, it was humid and muggy. The kind of heat that made sweating useless at keeping cool.

Still, he'd been in his suit for over a cycle now, nearly two days. Maybe it'd cool off. Either way, he couldn't stand the thought of wearing his suit for a minute longer. And was actually surprised when his helmet didn't' protest his thoughts.

 _/just keep me within arms reach/_

 **That** he could do. He carried his helmet under his arm as he turned down the stairs. Hopefully there was still breakfast. With Luke, Danny and **two** spiders, it was a tough call.

／/＼｡｡／\＼ミ to be continued 彡／/＼｡｡／\＼

104 Actually about a year, which really, is quite a long time for a teenager.

105 Made possible thanks to SHIELD's 'upgrades' to the house.

106 There was no mess waiting to embarrass him later. He was clean. At least in body.


End file.
